befreckled Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 What I am about to say is going to make me look selfish so that's my disclaimer. The boyfriend is working in the US but he is originally from Australia. I live in Asia and had previously lived in Australia. He is beginning to miss home (Australia) and wants to return. In the US, he has very few friends outside of work and so socially, there is no real worry about him meeting someone new. I on the other hand am somewhat of a social recluse so I seldom head out to meet new people so there's close to zero chance of me cheating. I intend to join him when he returns to Australia but it is dependent on work and education depending on which I decide to do. We have not spoken about marriage yet - we've been together 10 months. Is it natural to feel the way I do or am I just a horrible selfish person? In terms of cheating, there is no reason for me to think he would because it isn't in his character at all.
Citizen Erased Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) He could meet someone when getting coffee, you don't need an active social life to meet someone you're attracted to. Do you have the confidence in him, that he would turn around and walk out of that cafe and not look back? Or club, pub, friend's house etc. There is no safe situation when it comes to cheating. Worst case scenario, you'd find out he's not the person you thought he was and that you can't trust him. There is no way of knowing or controlling someone's fidelity to you, you just have to have faith in the person. If that's impossible, then you have a real problem in your relationship. BTW, you're not selfish, you're human. I always found one of the easiest things in a LDR was the routine. When it's broken, like this or a new schedule, it'll take some time to adjust that wouldn't normally happen in a non-geographically challenged relationship. It's all about taking those doubts, looking at your relationship, and deciding if they are valid or not. Edited October 31, 2011 by Citizen Erased
HeavenOrHell Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) If it's not in his character to cheat at all then I wouldn't worry I've also never worried my partner would cheat. I wouldn't want the possibility of him cheating to be dependent on how many new people he meets, I want to know that no matter who he meets that it's me he wants to be with. If two people love each other inside out and want to be with each other, and are happy in the r/ship, they won't be on the lookout for someone else. What I am about to say is going to make me look selfish so that's my disclaimer. The boyfriend is working in the US but he is originally from Australia. I live in Asia and had previously lived in Australia. He is beginning to miss home (Australia) and wants to return. In the US, he has very few friends outside of work and so socially, there is no real worry about him meeting someone new. I on the other hand am somewhat of a social recluse so I seldom head out to meet new people so there's close to zero chance of me cheating. I intend to join him when he returns to Australia but it is dependent on work and education depending on which I decide to do. We have not spoken about marriage yet - we've been together 10 months. Is it natural to feel the way I do or am I just a horrible selfish person? In terms of cheating, there is no reason for me to think he would because it isn't in his character at all. Edited October 31, 2011 by HeavenOrHell
folieadeux Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 I don't think you're being selfish at all either...you're just acting like a human being. You really do feel any little change in an LDR magnified times a billion and then, after awhile, that will become your new routine. My SO has always been much more socially active than myself and cheating is something that's honestly never crossed my mind. If it had, we'd have bigger fish to fry. I don't really suspect you're worried about him meeting someone new...it's just the break in your routine that is intimidating because, let's face it, they're very hard to establish when there's thousands of miles between you.
Author befreckled Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 He could meet someone when getting coffee, you don't need an active social life to meet someone you're attracted to. Do you have the confidence in him, that he would turn around and walk out of that cafe and not look back? Or club, pub, friend's house etc. I do. I know that early on in our relationship, a girl he had dated briefly wanted to video skype him and he said "um, I don't know how my girlfriend would feel about that" So that alone was enough for me to know that if he had an issue with that, there'd be no issue with fidelity per se. I guess my insecurity comes from the fact that when he is back, he will definitely be more social and at some point, perhaps he will be sick of long distance and someone ends up being there for him. I didnt say it was rational! If it's not in his character to cheat at all then I wouldn't worry I've also never worried my partner would cheat. I wouldn't want the possibility of him cheating to be dependent on how many new people he meets, I want to know that no matter who he meets that it's me he wants to be with. If two people love each other inside out and want to be with each other, and are happy in the r/ship, they won't be on the lookout for someone else. While I'd like to believe it, it is somewhat idealistic, no? At some point, an LDR is too much for even the best of us and for that brief moment, the thought of dating someone close comes through our mind. I know it does for me and while I don't act on it, they are valid thoughts.
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