trueluV Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I posted a thread earlier that "i was played", but now i'm confused so i'm asking again for advice & opinion. so, i thought i was "played" because this guy came off so strongly to me on the first few dates, telling me he likes me, i'm his style, he wants a relationship with me, talking about "future" - which were sort of all red flags, and sounded like a total player to me. he asked me to come to his place on those times, and i did (not on first day), and he did want more than a conversation, but when i agreed to go to his place i made sure we were not going to be "physical". so he did keep his words, and he didn't make any moves. on third date, after dinner, i went to his place again, and we did kiss, but that was the most and we didn't go further. so i never really "slept over" at his house nor had sex with him. after that one "kiss", he did ask me to come over to his place again, but he didn't even try to touch me, let alone hugging me or kissing me. we felt like and old couple, i mean somehow i felt comfortable but i was wondering why he wasn't initiating anything. (because he was so aggressive on the first two dates) and though he was asking me to be in a relationship with him from day one, i was the one telling him i don't even know him yet and i don't know my feelings yet so i need time, and also the fact that he was looking for a relationship too soon made me wonder if he was playing. anyway, the thing is, after that kiss, nothing physical happened, he didn't even touch me at all. but he did keep asking to see him, but he didn't mention about being in a relationship or anything with me. so it's like he changed. and i started to get confused as it seemed like going backward. because, first he wanted to sleep with me, then kiss me, then nothing now. and last time when i saw him, went to his place and cooked for him, after dinner, he told me everything he told me in the beginning was a lie, and was his "trick" to sleep with girls, and he was trying to sleep with me too. but obviously he said you weren't an easy girl. and now he said "we are friends". "you and i have dinner and we talk". do you guys have any idea where this is coming from, and how, or was he playing with me (mentally), or what was it?? i said in the earlier post i'm played because somehow i'm totally hooked on this guy now, but he says we're just friends, i don't even like you, all i told you was a lie. i left his place, and he looked shocked standing at the door and telling me 'so you're not going to see me anymore?'. do you think he was really interested in me in the beginning, or really wanted to just sleep with me? but even thought we didn't have sex(something he wanted from day 1), we still kept meeting for another 6 times. so this is confusing too, he really just wanted "pure friendship", when sex didn't work out? i'm so lost...and i'm so sad he told me he doesn't even like me but i'm hooked on this guy.
thatone Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 so you have a weakness for the mentally deranged? sorry, it's just weird. this guy has a lot of issues. you would be wise to simply do whatever you need to do to forget about him.
january2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 It's the push-pull drama that's got you hooked. This man is not your friend. True friends don't behave the way that he behaved. I wouldn't just walk away. I'd run. And count yourself lucky that you had your wits about you and didn't sleep with him.
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 He is scorned because you did not put out. Good for you for not sleeping with this guy. He told you all those things because he is scorned. It is that simple. He is not a good guy. Move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PlumPrincess Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I'd say, it's another trick. He is making you wondering about him and feeling afraid that you might have lost him. Then you will start wondering what you could do to get him to want a relationship with you, what he wants, etc. You might try as a next step to overcome his coldness by being physical, which will make you totally dependent on him. If I were you, I'd cut off contact immediately and move on before he makes you really miserable. He does sound like that kind of person.
Author trueluV Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I'd say, it's another trick. He is making you wondering about him and feeling afraid that you might have lost him. Then you will start wondering what you could do to get him to want a relationship with you, what he wants, etc. You might try as a next step to overcome his coldness by being physical, which will make you totally dependent on him. thanks for your thoughts, guys. yes, this was what i was thinking later, after the first pain of his rejection. I guess he was playing games that night too, when i cooked for him, because right before that night, i thought i said something mean to him and i apologized three times, by email & text and offered to cook, so i think he felt he gained the upper hand, and hence turning the table and telling me, 'now i don't want you, i don't like you, everything was a lie to get you to sleep with me, now we're friends'. but i did really have a good time with him, and pretty much trusted him, because though he's young (younger than me), he has top education and a very good job...and a smooth talker..i was blind the pain is starting to get me now...it was such an intense 3 week with him, and now i'm rejected.
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 .and a smooth talker..i was blind the pain is starting to get me now...it was such an intense 3 week with him, and now i'm rejected. Beware of smooth talkers!!!!!!!!! You are better off with a clumsy sincere guy. This man is playing you.
january2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 but i did really have a good time with him, and pretty much trusted him, because though he's young (younger than me), he has top education and a very good job...and a smooth talker..i was blind the pain is starting to get me now...it was such an intense 3 week with him, and now i'm rejected. You've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Things are bound to look different on the ground. Give it time, treat it like it was a breakup and take care of yourself.
Author trueluV Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Thanks for your encouragement and sincere words. I don't know why, but it seems so hard to believe this happened to me. it happened to me so fast i feel numb and pain. it was really short, 3 weeks, but at least 2-3 times a week, so it was quite intense and i invested a lot emotionally. it's just so sad to think this guy just fooled me to get me to sleep with him, and i was so foolish to believe everything he said and got excited he could be my boyfriend. it sounds silly, but i somehow wonder if he'll get back with me....
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Thanks for your encouragement and sincere words. I don't know why, but it seems so hard to believe this happened to me. it happened to me so fast i feel numb and pain. it was really short, 3 weeks, but at least 2-3 times a week, so it was quite intense and i invested a lot emotionally. it's just so sad to think this guy just fooled me to get me to sleep with him, and i was so foolish to believe everything he said and got excited he could be my boyfriend. it sounds silly, but i somehow wonder if he'll get back with me.... When dating beware of very smooth men. They charm women quite well, but it is not worth it. You are better off with a clumsy guy. I congratulate you once again for not sleeping with this man. You would be a 100 times in more pain.
Author trueluV Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 When dating beware of very smooth men. They charm women quite well, but it is not worth it. You are better off with a clumsy guy. I congratulate you once again for not sleeping with this man. You would be a 100 times in more pain. Pierre, I just can't say enough how much i love reading your posts. You just nail it down to the point, without any sugar coating, as you said. thanks for your encouragement and thoughts. I will try to feel better.
futuregopher Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Like others have said - this is push pull cat string theory done to the max. Have you ever seen a cat play with a string? You were like the cat and he dangled the string far enough away from you to make you want it more but as he put it right in front of your reach, you went away. He could have read Neil Strauss's book and is using this technique. It's all pickup material. Too bad he's wasting his chance with those nonsense games because you seem like a cool person.
Pierre Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 It is clear his charm got to you. These guys know what they are doing. The issue is: Do you admire a man like this? Do you realize he is shallow and all you see is a shell. You would would not admire a man like this.
Author trueluV Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 to my surprise... he came back, he contacted me today. it's quite a surprise because it's a bit early for him to contact me, because i walked away from him that night. content: it takes time for him to be interested in a girl, but if i don't mind he wants to see me regularly. what is this again? why would he want to keep meeting me if he wasn't even interested in me? is he messing with me again? or does he just want the "pure friendship" thing? can you guys help me out here again? somehow i'm happy, to be honest, he came back, but again, i am having so much anxiety now...
Emilia Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 to my surprise... he came back, he contacted me today. it's quite a surprise because it's a bit early for him to contact me, because i walked away from him that night. content: it takes time for him to be interested in a girl, but if i don't mind he wants to see me regularly. what is this again? why would he want to keep meeting me if he wasn't even interested in me? is he messing with me again? or does he just want the "pure friendship" thing? can you guys help me out here again? somehow i'm happy, to be honest, he came back, but again, i am having so much anxiety now... He wants to see whether the distance he had put between you wore you down or not. He is thinking you will do anything he says now
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