Rawr-Rawr1989 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Hello Everyone, Im sorry in advance if this is a bore to read but im in real need of guidance from people who i do not know, atleast you can give me a totally honest opinion. I am a 22 year old female & have been with my fiance for 3 years. We met online & had an instant connection, at this time i actually had a bf but it was a really bad situation, he emotionally & phsically abused me. I got out of the mess with the help of my now fiance. I moved in with him & his family. He is also 22yo aswell. Things have been great, he loves me unconditionally.. But the last few months i have started to feel like im falling out of love with him. He has never had a job (i knew this when i met/moved in with him but i thought it would only be a short tem thing), he hates going out for example anywhere involving alcohol, large crouds etc.. All we do is stay home. He was bashed quite bad when he was younger and he hasnt really ever gotten over it which is one of the reasons he doesnt work. He is quite a depressed person..We have been to see councilers and everything but he still doesnt even look for jobs & whenever anyone mentions anything about jobs he gets angry or just ignores it.. Also his family drive me nuts, honestly they are the laziest people ive ever come across, his mum does nothing other then watch tv, his dad just drinks beer ( neither of them communicate its like their not together), and his brother is glued to the computer 24/7.. None of them cook, clean or do anything. Its left upto me or my fiance to do but most of the time me.. Mind you i pay my way, buy my own food and also pay $100 a week rent. Ive tried to say we should look for a place of our own but with him not earning anything he says he doesnt want to struggle.. I understand that but i have been out of my parents place since i was 16 and i really want my own place! I feel like our relationship is going nowhere, just the same boring routine day in day out.. Im a hard worker, i want my own place, i want to go out for dinner, i want to enjoy life.. But he is the total opposite.. Its doing my head in.. I am now unsure if i truely do love him.. I know i need to speak to him and explain how i feel but i really dont know how to.. Im sorry for rambling on but i feel so messed up at the moment.. I dont know what to do.. Im scared that if i do decide that i want to leave what will happen to him and how will he cope without me.. & how to go about it as we live together with his family.. Any suggestions would be appreciated Ange =)
wilsonx Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 This is a delicate post to respond to because I know whats going on, theres something that you are leaving out, thats why you are seeking validation from us to say its ok for you to break up with him. You have to seek that from within yourself, if thats what you got to do then do it. But be honest too. I am not going to give you that validation. Others on this forum probably will but they dont see the big picture. You have to make your own life decisions on what you think is best for you Good luck
Author Rawr-Rawr1989 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Yeah i guess i left out that bit.. There is someone else but i know that wether i stay with my fiance or not it would never be with the other guy.. I never thought id be the other woman.. Hes married with kids.. I felt confused before i started seeing someone behind his back & it seems to have just made things worse now.. What we have is just a fling, no emotional connections.. But it has made me realise how bored i am in my relationship.. I care for my fiance but obviously i already know i need to break it off with him.. If i loved him i wouldnt be doing what i am behind his back.. I just dont know how to tell him..
wilsonx Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Wilson-Smash, I didnt think darkphoenix would call you out, we were chatting about this post earlier and I said hey look "Another I love you but not in love with you thread. I bet you 20 dollars that theres another guy" He wouldn't take me up on the bet. You do what you got to do, great job cheating on your fiance though with a married man with kids, I think you have some growing up to do and stop judging the people that pulled you out of your bad situation with your last ex. I read this thread and was like, same pattern, emotionally immature person only BLAMING someone that helped them. You need to start judging yourself. Will you ever do this, probably not. All these I want to dump my bf/gf/fiance/husband/wife posts are all the same. You blame them for all their little faults while you are behind their backs either having an emotional and/or physical affair. How you tell him is up to you.
Author Rawr-Rawr1989 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I know he helped me put of a bad place & i could never thank him enough for that, if it wasnt for him id probly still be there too scared to leave.. He is a great person & treats me well but he really needs to grow up & sort himself out.. I care for him but i dont think thats enough anymore.. Im not putting all the blame on him either.. I know what ive done is wrong & definently should have tried to talk to him rather than get into bed with someone else.. But he is not blameless, he has no life ambition, he just wants to cruise along with no job & stay @ home doing nothing.. Im sorry if i sound harsh but in a way, why would i not look elsewhere.. Would you expect me to stick around forever like that? Say what you will.. I know ive done wrong.. Thanks for being honest with me..
wilsonx Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Nope, I don't expect you to stay with someone that has no ambition in life. But cheating on someone is not the answer. You are looking for a way to rationalize what you did. How does cheating instill change? It doesnt, you took the moral low road. You weren't even going to post it here if I never said anything. Tons of people would have stood up for you and said leave him he's a loser. At the same time, water seeks its own level. At one point and even now you are on his own level with no ambition in life. You still have not done anything to instill that change even after cheating. He's actually got the moral high ground on this. So he has no ambition, hes comfortable with you and his current situation. I am not judging him on this. There's nothing wrong with being comfortable. If you do not like it, communicate it to him, if he doesnt agree or compromise then you instill change in yourself. This is a lesson you need to learn sooner or later and it may take you a while to do so.
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