chelle21689 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I was with my first bf for almost 6 years. We broke up 8 months ago but kept in touch once in a while. It was a clean break up ended on a good note. I've been dating someone for a while now and he makes me happy. We're much more compatible than my ex and I. But even though my ex isn't a good match for me, I still care for him a lot. Today when I called him to ask about the $ he owed me, I asked how come he didn't return my calls when I tried calling. He said he had a new gf for a month now and didn't want to cause problems cuz she has insecurity issues right now since her ex left her for his ex. My bf knows i keep in touch with my ex and said it was okay as long as I don't lie to him. I'm just wondering why I'm feeling so much pain from this even though I don't want to be with my ex??? Have you ever felt this way, how long did it go away??? The pain I mean.. I wish I could be happy for him and be friends but that's impossible.
ragmacron Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Tisk tisk..... My wonderful lady has the same situation as you... I my self dont think there is something wrong with this. You have been with the ex for along time and feeling still linger. I see it as if you where holding you ex hand and then with the other grabbed you new mans hand. At the same time your new man and you walk in the same direction while the ex stands still. Your hand begines to slip away slowly till you both let go. With this said just let go and move forward with your life. I can say that my woman's ex past life still lingers in my head. it drives me nuts at times I wanna just run away. I left for basic and she came to visit me at graduation. we where at the hotel and she was in the shower, I began to get on my laptop to check the Facebook. Bam!!! hers was up (first time in my life) I went to view her messages. They still talked, I wasnt upset because I knew this. But what about? I began to read. (The jist of the convo from what I remember reading 6 months ago) Him:I miss you, my new GF doesn't like that fact we talk! Her:I do to my new BF is great she shouldn't mind. why cant we be friends still? Him:I know damn You should see how good I can F*#K now my new GF showed me some things. Her: O I bet I miss our sex life Him: yeah it was great when I used to do this and that Her: I love him but feel bad because I cant love him 100% you messed me up. Him:Yeah remember our dog max...... and the little family we wanted to start? Her: Yeah now im prego with his baby Him: That sucks I wanted a baby with you.... Her: Me too Him: ETC ETC ETC... At that moment I wanted to rage out! I was fresh from basic I missed her so much and wanted to see her. She hugged me and cried in my arms when I seen her for the first time in months. A few weeks later she began to say " Omgaw what was I thinking I left him for a reason he is a douche bag blah blah blah.... He is so rude and blah blah blah... I deleted him from my facebok and this and that blahblah..." Sorry for all that lol but just understand It really bothers him when you mention or talk about ex's. and before you go any farther in the relationship say something and leave or like i said move on with your life. Hopefully you seen something lol like the light or any other magical thing from this post. I have to feed the little boy "that she wanted with him" have a blessed day.
Author chelle21689 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 i just wish i didn't feel this way.
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I was with my first bf for almost 6 years. We broke up 8 months ago but kept in touch once in a while. It was a clean break up ended on a good note. I've been dating someone for a while now and he makes me happy. We're much more compatible than my ex and I. But even though my ex isn't a good match for me, I still care for him a lot. Today when I called him to ask about the $ he owed me, I asked how come he didn't return my calls when I tried calling. He said he had a new gf for a month now and didn't want to cause problems cuz she has insecurity issues right now since her ex left her for his ex. My bf knows i keep in touch with my ex and said it was okay as long as I don't lie to him. I'm just wondering why I'm feeling so much pain from this even though I don't want to be with my ex??? Have you ever felt this way, how long did it go away??? The pain I mean.. I wish I could be happy for him and be friends but that's impossible. It takes a long time to get over a 6 year relationship. You started another relationship too soon, therefore part of your heart is still with your exBF. That is unfair for your current BF.
make me believe Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 chelle, it's normal to feel a bit of a sting when you find out that an ex has moved on & found a new relationship, but what you're describing seems to go beyond that. Did you have a period of no contact from your ex after you broke up, or did you immediately try to stay friends with him? It sounds to me like you need an extended period of time away from him (no texts, no phonecalls, no emails, etc), so that you can heal 100% from the relationship. Anything else is unfair to your current bf. How would you feel if he was still in contact with his ex and getting upset that she now had a new bf? You can't be fully present in your current relationship until you put your past relationship completely behind you.
wezol Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 You got a rebound boyfriend, you're not over your ex. Be honest with yourself and be fair to your now great bf.
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 You got a rebound boyfriend, you're not over your ex. Be honest with yourself and be fair to your now great bf. Exactly!
wezol Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Exactly! Yeah, so, I typed that before I saw yours. You know what they say about great minds...
Author chelle21689 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I really hate that you said my bf is a rebound which he definitely isn't. I'm not USING him to get over my ex. My boyfriend knows I keep contact with my ex and said it's okay as long as I don't lie to him.
wezol Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I really hate that you said my bf is a rebound which he definitely isn't. I'm not USING him to get over my ex. My boyfriend knows I keep contact with my ex and said it's okay as long as I don't lie to him. Denial. You're not over your ex. Stop talking to him. Would your boyfriend still be okay with it if he knew how you felt? I doubt it.
Author chelle21689 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Don't you tell me how I feel. I am not in denial. I know I have some feelings left over which is normal but I don't consider my bf a rebound. I'd rather you give helpful advice on how to deal with what I'm feeling rather than just point fingers.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 It's either that or you're behooving your "ego". The only thing I can say is that it might be good if you can try to focus on the great things within your current relationship and your personal life and to use that to push away thoughts that you're having about your ex seeing someone else. It sounds like a hard place to be in, especially since you don't fully understand it --- but giving gratitude to the way your life is right now should naturally alleviate the pain you're feeling. If you find you're unable to do this and after some time has passed you're just becoming more and more fixated over it, it may be best to seek out counseling of some kind. I think it may be common for people to feel a twinge of hurt when their long-time ex partners meet someone else, even if they were indifferent to it in theory prior (or as in your case, even if they're with someone else!). It's probably just a hit of reality and the ego bemoaning it a bit......... in any case I hope it passes for you soon :/
wezol Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Don't you tell me how I feel. I am not in denial. I know I have some feelings left over which is normal but I don't consider my bf a rebound. I'd rather you give helpful advice on how to deal with what I'm feeling rather than just point fingers. It's how I see it, and how you're coming across. I'm having an objective attitude about it. I know it's hard to see because you're there and have emotion tied to it, I don't. You are not over your ex. Stop talking to him. You didn't answer the question. How do you think your boyfriend would feel about you talking to your ex if he knew how you felt?
Recommended Posts