Thought I was over ex, found out he has new gf, I'm in pain.

[chelle21689]

I dated my first boyfriend for almost 6 years. We broke up about 8 months ago and I just found out today he is in a new relationship. He told me they've been dating for a month.

 

We had a clean break up, we couldn't be together because of the distance and army and a bunch of shiz. But it was okay and we kept in touch. I found a new bf and he and I are so much more compatible and he makes me happy. We've been dating a few months. I was happy. I care for my ex deeply but I dont think we're right together.

 

But why did it hurt so much to find out he was with someone else? I can't be happy for him because I'm in pain. I am so happy with my bf but hearing this made my day bad.

 

With time, will I learn to be happy for him?

Is it possible to always care for someone even though you're with someone new?

[down_out]

It takes time to completely get rid of feelings for somebody. I know its tough but just hang in there and try to be happy for him. But if this pain goes on for too long try NC.

[BigDumbFoot]

He's probably not too excited about the fact that you have a new boyfriend either. You'll get over it eventually. Be thankful that he didn't hook up with her immediately after you ended it like my ex did with me. Now that was painful. I'm still reeling from it something bad.

[chelle21689]

He had time to get used to me and my boyfriend months ago. I don't think it phases him anymore. I hope this passes...my feelings I mean. I'll definitely stop contacting him now. At least for a longer while.

[Mallow]

You were together for a long duration, it's normal for some feelings to still linger, you had numerous memories together. They don't just disappear when you meet someone new.

 

I left my ex of 5 years, and he had to go through what you are. He has still not moved on. I've been dating someone new for almost four months now. I've since ended contact with my ex.

 

Going NC is the best decision for both of you right now. Take time to clear your head. Once you know that feelings are cleared, you can attempt to have a healthy friendship.

[chelle21689]

You were together for a long duration, it's normal for some feelings to still linger, you had numerous memories together. They don't just disappear when you meet someone new.

 

I left my ex of 5 years, and he had to go through what you are. He has still not moved on. I've been dating someone new for almost four months now. I've since ended contact with my ex.

 

Going NC is the best decision for both of you right now. Take time to clear your head. Once you know that feelings are cleared, you can attempt to have a healthy friendship.

 

Do you still have a special place in your heart for your ex and care about him? I'm just wondering. Even though I no longer want to be with him I still have some lingering feelings. I am stopping contact though, maybe one day I can be happy for him.

 

Also, do you think his gf will experience the same issues I had to deal with? I'm asking basically if you think people generally treat their next relationship better than the last or the same.

[M2155]

You don't know how hard/easy or how long it took him to get used to the idea of you and your new BF. It's not easy and I think what you feel is normal.

 

I have an ex from a couple years ago that I really adored- we broke up for similar reasons (distance, career, differences) and remained friends. I would shout from the mountains that some girl will be lucky to have him (if she can deal with his shortcomings) cause I accept we were not meant to be. But recently- and this is years later, I found out he had a new girlfriend and I got so sad. It wasn't jealousy as much as I'm not even sure, it's like he wasn't mine anymore but he wasn't someone elses' either...until now. I'm happy for him but I guess a teeny part of me hates that he's happier with someone else than he was with me. But if it's clear where things stand and you are happy, I'm sure it will fade. I do think if you love someone you always have a little spot for them in your heart.

(Now, my ex left me for his ex before me. It stings seeing them together but I'm getting used to it. What I feel there is totally different. Probably more anger than sadness)

 

If you are happy, hopefully you will not want your ex's new GF to experience the same issues- I certainly learned behaviors from my last relationship that I plan to not repeat in the next one and I'm sure you did too. You never know, what's an "issue" to one person is something that doesn't really bother another person.

[chelle21689]

"You never know, what's an "issue" to one person is something that doesn't really bother another person"

I think you're right about this. It is difficult to accept if someone else is better for your ex. But then again I found someone that made my life better and happier...yet I still care for my ex and I may always will. I just hope he feels the same way if that's the case.

 

Thanks so much for your response. I need to get over this...it's hard to not think about and I don't want my bf to know it bothers me.

[Mcnulty]

Yep, I agree with the others, you will be fine in time, you just need a bit time to get your head around it.

 

I'm in the same boat as bigdumbfoot...class name....6 days ago found out my gf had changed her status to "in a relationship"...with my friend...still in shock and a complete and utter mess, so be thankful there was a time gap before he got with someone.

[chelle21689]

Ouch, a friend too? Life can be so cruel lol...but it's not the worst of things I guess.

[orangelady]

hmm guess you can ask yourself how he felt when you had a new bf.