loveburden Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 after being broken up with my ex for three months , we met up. he came over to my house. the first thing he said was that i looked really good and that he missed me. nothing happened for a while but i just could not take the sexual tension so i ended up kissing him, it was so passionate and amazing ( he said that he has kissed other girls since me but has never felt the same passion). we did sleep together, he held me after and said that he was so confused and wished we never broke up. i told him then that we didn't have to be over that we can give it another go, he said that he would love to but wants me to continue going to uni and not be isolated to such a small town. he spent the night with me, the next day we went to the cinemas and lunch, he was treating me like is girlfriend. whenever i pushed him or didn't hold his hand he would ask me why i wasn't and get upset. after that he was contacting me and we arranged for another time to see eachother. however i texted him telling him that i missed him and he sent a text back saying i love you, it was great being with you but please don't get false hope because i want you to stay in my life. please someone give me advice
eleanorhurting Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I am sorry you are confused. It sounds like he is too. Or he could be playing you. Sex with an ex is usually not a good idea (if not always). You are getting your hopes up and it will crush you if he decides not to get back with you. Trust me I have been there and its so hard to be sleeping with someone who will say anything to keep you around and then tell you "I am sorry but I cant be in a relationship with you because blah blah blah".
mike588 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Damn, wish my ex. would come over and "give me some" ha. No not really that would be a HUGE setback. Like the above posts say I also think it's a bad idea. You could get your hopes crushed and have to start all over.
Author loveburden Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 everytime i do try and move on, he won't let me. that night he came over, we fought, i said its just sex , it is what is and to not say you love me because its obviously not the case. he got quite upset and refused to leave when i asked him and told me that he really has strong feelings for me, that i know him better than anyone else and that he does not want to loose me. i was strong, almost a bitch to him. he kept telling me how different i am, that he had never seen me like this before.. i put up this barrier that night and day but i let him in again. being a bitch works, i just need to stick to not letting him get close. just be emotionless toward him but after spending the day with him and beginning to trust him again the tables have turned.
mike588 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 everytime i do try and move on, he won't let me. that night he came over, we fought, i said its just sex , it is what is and to not say you love me because its obviously not the case. he got quite upset and refused to leave when i asked him and told me that he really has strong feelings for me, that i know him better than anyone else and that he does not want to loose me. i was strong, almost a bitch to him. he kept telling me how different i am, that he had never seen me like this before.. i put up this barrier that night and day but i let him in again. being a bitch works, i just need to stick to not letting him get close. just be emotionless toward him but after spending the day with him and beginning to trust him again the tables have turned. He won't LET YOU,,, I don't think you want to move on.
Author loveburden Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 its hard letting go because its realising that life is short and you should spend it with people that you love. i love him but i know we can't be together. as much as it would make me happy its just not going to happen
wilsonx Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 You have to come up with a way to break this cycle, after a couple days of my stupidity in breaking nc (thread in coping forum so the games continue), I realized what she was doing, shes trying to keep me from moving on like your ex. You need to move on and regain control of your power in your own life. After these threads Im reminded why NC is crucial.
wilsonx Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 its hard letting go because its realising that life is short and you should spend it with people that you love. i love him but i know we can't be together. as much as it would make me happy its just not going to happen You are mistaking a big thing here. You are mistaking the terms love with the word need. I don't know if you love him, or that you just NEED him now that hes gone. You are still having sex with him so you NEED Him Ask yourself that honestly. I do not know your relationship story and it could be very well that you love him but if hes got this power over you, then you NEED him. If you love somebody, you let them go Case in point, I loved my ex, I let her go. She needs me, thats why she stalks me online and sends me fake dating profile emails Do you see a difference?
Author loveburden Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 yes i see your point. i have been on dates with other men, had fun, laughed , shared some hot moments. i was moving on. i heard nothing from him for a month. but he started to contact me again, everytime he feels like hes loosing me he comes back at me trying to make me stay. idn if he just wants to **** me or he genuinely does like me and wants me in his life. he told me that i am his angel who saved his life. ( when i we met he was depressed and was going to take his own life) hes my bestfriend. the sexual chemistry is still so strong. idn what to do.
eleanorhurting Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 go NC you could stay in that pit for months seriously. Unless he clearly wants you back go NC
LovelyDaze Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 loveburden, the best and bravest thing you can do for yourself in this situation is to find your strength & stay away from your ex. You need to get your heart and mind into a healthy place right now. It sounds like your ex may very well care for you but he refuses to do the real work in gluing the relationship back together. It would never be the same anyway from all of this. Two broken people make for a broken relationship...heck, even ONE broken person screws the machine up. Give yourself a lot of "me" time and don't touch ex-sex at all, it only confuses things even more.
Author loveburden Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 im not ready to say goodbye yet. im prepared to get let down and hurt, the pain is worth it, just to have a few more minutes with him. he is going out with someone else, he says its not serious, that they only met a few days ago. i shoud not being this , seeing him, i know i am only going to get hurt but i just can't bring myself to say goodbye. i love him with all my heart. i did let him go and he came back. i know he has all the perks of being in a relationship with me but does not have the pressure of being faithful so why would he commit to me? i am prepared to do uni distance ed just so i can be with him, i have told him this but he said it would be to hard because our families don't want us to be with eachother. we are lying to our families and sneaking around to be with eachother atm. i have only ever slept with him. i just can't bring myself to be close to my mum. i lied to my mum and told her that i have slept with someone just so she would believe that my ex and i are over. but now i feel guilty, like her perception of me has changed. im just so sick of the lies and secrets i have to have from everyone that i am close to. it was hard when my ex and 1 were together, we received no support from our families. my ex and i were engaged and considering having a baby just so our families could accept our relationship. in the end the distance and no support from our families is what broke us. we love eachother but it would be a battle everyday just to be together.
eleanorhurting Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Having a baby so your family will accept the relationship is a pretty bad idea in my opinion. So maybe your relationship was not at a healthy place if you ever even considered this? If you are ready to be hurt and let down then go ahead. Maybe it will work for you. Just be aware that this pain you are feeling now will be like 10 times greater if you lower yourself to being the person someone turns to for sex and then it does not work out. It took me a while to get out and i had to hit rock bottom. Maybe you do too Or maybe it will work out. Either way, good luck and love and cherish yourself above anyone else
Author loveburden Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 this morning i did not contact him nor did i reply to his msgs. in the span of 10 mins i recieved 6 messages. he was apologizing saying that its hrd for him and that he does not want to loose me. he was sweet then angry. i wrote back saying sorry was busy, u said so yourself that i am just your friend and that you don't have to reply to me all the time, so why should i do the same? he wrote back saying whatever, have to work ttyl. its like he wants me only when it suits him, the love i have for him is the power and control he has over me. lets just say our relationship was very full on, it was something that my family did not want me to be involved in at such a young age. he has been in and out of hospital with mental problems. his father blames me for it.my mum does not want to see me hurt or to have the burden of being his carer. i see past his problems and see him, the guy i fell in love with. my ex said that he wants me to be succesful and that i wont be if i am with him. but i just want him
wilsonx Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 he has been in and out of hospital with mental problems. his father blames me for it. Wow... redflag city...thats not good what i bolded both sentences. Theres no way thats emotionally healthy for you. Water seeks its own level so at the same time, theres something that you are not seeing within your self. Why are you doing this? Why are you "NEEDING" him? What hole does he fill for you. There's some extreme insecurity you have that allows you to be stuck with someone like this, find it and fix it i see past his problems and see him, the guy i fell in love with. my ex said that he wants me to be succesful and that i wont be if i am with him. but i just want him His problems are part of him. He's push pulling you which is emotional manipulation. I want you one minute, i dont want you the next, you have to break free from this
Author loveburden Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 i confronted him. asked him what he wants. is it just friends, is it just sex or to get back together. he said that he didn't know. i pushed it further, telling him how can he **** me , tell me he loves me and expect to just think we are just friends. he then said that i am demanding and that he does not what to see me anymore because i can't be patient and live in the moment. he is only interested in whats between my legs but can't even promise me that.
eleanorhurting Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 just walk away. seek therapy. It will help I promise
wilsonx Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) i confronted him. asked him what he wants. is it just friends, is it just sex or to get back together. he said that he didn't know. i pushed it further, telling him how can he **** me , tell me he loves me and expect to just think we are just friends. he then said that i am demanding and that he does not what to see me anymore because i can't be patient and live in the moment. he is only interested in whats between my legs but can't even promise me that. This is a problem, you have the caretaker mentality. You ask him "What does he want." Thats the wrong question to be asking. Your focus is not on you, its about what your wants are, what your needs are. Figure these out and it cant be him. WHAT are your needs? Take time and find your needs and wants and go get them. Stop waiting for someone that's obviously not going to give them to you. Create some personal boundaries for yourself and enforce them Edited October 31, 2011 by wilsonx
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