calof Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 A little background on me - in the past i was cheated on by an ex (kissing), this hit me hard and although we tried to make the relationship work, it ended three years ago. In the past few years i have had a few relationships but none i wanted to develop long term. A few weeks ago i met a woman who i feel a big connection with. She had told me snippets of her past and i found some of them a concern - she had said she was a flirt when she was younger (late teens, she is now 33), and although she said she has never cheated she said she was very flirtatious. She also said a previous boyfriend had issues with her going out with friends as he thought she was going to flirt with people. She seems to have had a slightly above average number of partners but so do many people so this is not a deal breaker for me. She also told me she had had a couple of std's in the past which were no longer an issue (antibiotics cleared them up). I have trust issues so raised my concerns with her about the above and she says she has been honest with me and cant really understand my concern. I ended up feeling guilty and thought i had overreacted due to my past. The past few days i have seen her again. One time she was wearing a 'little miss naughty' t shirt. I also noticed she had 'liked' a facebook group with a sexual theme, although this wasnt extreme in any way. Little things like this concern me, i take them as evidence of very flirtatious behaviour that can only lead to trouble further down the line. I am also aware that due to my past experience i may 'filter' any info that i dont like and group it together to create an unfair picture of somebody. Any thoughts?
thehead Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I personally don't like wildly flirtatious women. So, I'm biased and it sounds like she's more the problem than your lack of trust. She's triggering your issues which is one form of incompatibility. Find someone who doesn't do this.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I guess its sometimes hard to know whether past issues make me ultra sensitive to this sort of thing. I dont expect a woman to have no past because everybody does in their early thirties. I sometimes wonder if im a relic of the past as tons of people seem to like to wear 'little miss naughty' type clothing and dont have any issue with it.
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 A little background on me - in the past i was cheated on by an ex (kissing), this hit me hard and although we tried to make the relationship work, it ended three years ago. In the past few years i have had a few relationships but none i wanted to develop long term. A few weeks ago i met a woman who i feel a big connection with. She had told me snippets of her past and i found some of them a concern - she had said she was a flirt when she was younger (late teens, she is now 33), and although she said she has never cheated she said she was very flirtatious. She also said a previous boyfriend had issues with her going out with friends as he thought she was going to flirt with people. She seems to have had a slightly above average number of partners but so do many people so this is not a deal breaker for me. She also told me she had had a couple of std's in the past which were no longer an issue (antibiotics cleared them up). I have trust issues so raised my concerns with her about the above and she says she has been honest with me and cant really understand my concern. I ended up feeling guilty and thought i had overreacted due to my past. The past few days i have seen her again. One time she was wearing a 'little miss naughty' t shirt. I also noticed she had 'liked' a facebook group with a sexual theme, although this wasnt extreme in any way. Little things like this concern me, i take them as evidence of very flirtatious behaviour that can only lead to trouble further down the line. I am also aware that due to my past experience i may 'filter' any info that i dont like and group it together to create an unfair picture of somebody. Any thoughts? Women that flirt a lot need external validation. Cheating is also a form of external validation. Excessive flirtation is a risk factor for cheating. I suggest you do not get serious with her.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I think you are probably right, its a shame because she is the first person in three years who i have felt a massive connection with. If it wasnt for this aspect of her past i would undoubtedly fall for her. I guess thats life
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I think you are probably right, its a shame because she is the first person in three years who i have felt a massive connection with. If it wasnt for this aspect of her past i would undoubtedly fall for her. I guess thats life Flirting can make many men feel the way you do. Somehow, we think we are special because she is flirting so much with us. Trust me on this one. She will do the same with other men and they will feel just like you do. That is why she is a high risk for being a cheater.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Flirting can make many men feel the way you do. Somehow, we think we are special because she is flirting so much with us. Trust me on this one. She will do the same with other men and they will feel just like you do. That is why she is a high risk for being a cheater. Thats interesting and im not sure whether i agree or disagree with you. I meant more that we like doing the same things, have similar senses of humour etc...... it sort of feels effortless when we are together.
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Thats interesting and im not sure whether i agree or disagree with you. I meant more that we like doing the same things, have similar senses of humour etc...... it sort of feels effortless when we are together. Oh, yeah! I know what you mean. Look at her history and go from there.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Oh, yeah! I know what you mean. What do you mean?
Pierre Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 What do you mean? Some women have a way to charm us and it feels like a match. It is called love. Give a try despite your concerns, but always be aware.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Little things like this concern me, i take them as evidence of very flirtatious behaviour that can only lead to trouble further down the line. I am also aware that due to my past experience i may 'filter' any info that i dont like and group it together to create an unfair picture of somebody. Any thoughts? She sounds like bad news. Don't date anyone you have to control it isn't worth it. Also women who love to flirt are attention whores... the most annoying women ever to date.
blueskyday Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Women who need external validation from other men will trigger your insecurity issues. It's not you. Find someone who doesn't act like she does. Really, a "miss naughty" t-shirt? Enough said. She is expecting a reaction from men. I am naughty, but in private, and I would never wear a t-shirt like that. Guys would make comments and hit on me. Any woman knows this, and one who wears a t-shirt like that likes the attention. Yuck. No class.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Some women have a way to charm us and it feels like a match. It is called love. Give a try despite your concerns, but always be aware. I can understand that some very devious people may try and match your interests etc. I met her online, her interests were similar to mine in her profile description and this has carried on to 'real life' if you will. I think that rules out the mimicking aspect. I guess unless i got together with a nun, some aspect of a partners past will always displease me. She has been cheated on in her last relationship and she found out in the worst way possible. On the one hand, it seems harsh punishing people for flirtatious behaviour in their teens now but i guess im at the age where i want to get it right and dont want to take excess risks. But then letting any person into your heart is a risk i suppose.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Women who need external validation from other men will trigger your insecurity issues. It's not you. Find someone who doesn't act like she does. Really, a "miss naughty" t-shirt? Enough said. She is expecting a reaction from men. I am naughty, but in private, and I would never wear a t-shirt like that. Guys would make comments and hit on me. Any woman knows this, and one who wears a t-shirt like that likes the attention. Yuck. No class. The t shirt she was wearing was not on show to anybody. But obviously may have been in the past.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 As a balance, I maybe should also add that she has been in two quite longish term relationships (4 years and two and a half years) and to my knowledge never cheated.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I should also clarify that she was flirtatious when single, not when she had a partner. Having spoken to her about the t shirt, she says she wore this previously for her boyfriend thinking it would be fun, not in the street (possible as this was the scenario with me too).
blueskyday Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 So, do you find her flirtatious NOW? Are her eyes all over the place looking at guys when you two are out? Does she smile in a sexy way at other guys in front of you? That kind of stuff is flirtatious. Maybe just keep an eye out. I am pretty flirtatious when I am looking for a new boyfriend but don't yet have a boyfriend, so I don't want to misjudge her.
Author calof Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 So, do you find her flirtatious NOW? Are her eyes all over the place looking at guys when you two are out? Does she smile in a sexy way at other guys in front of you? That kind of stuff is flirtatious. Maybe just keep an eye out. I am pretty flirtatious when I am looking for a new boyfriend but don't yet have a boyfriend, so I don't want to misjudge her. I dont find her flirtatious to others at all when she is with me, i have never seen her look at others in the few weeks we have been seeing each other.
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