9Lives Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable in the relationship so I will start calling too much instead of going with the flow and I hate that. I dont want to start chasing and becoming the one to put out more effort than I should be. So the question, if or when you feel this way, what do you do to keep yourself from calling someone or text too much? By the way, we have been talking since June 2011. We have had some rocky moments at times. Im a little upset because this weekend, there were some events going on that I didnt choose to be a part, he did, and I havent heard from him that much. I know he could have called or text me but he didnt unless I initiated the call. So on Friday, I did the calling...he answered Saturday, I called....he called back Sunday, we are suppose to go get something to eat! I have not heard from him since about 5pm yesterday. He has been hanging out all weekend. I dont want to chase but I feel like I am chasing because I wanted to see him. He didnt sound like he was not interested but I just dont feel good about it. This may not be making sense or silly to you but I just feel uncomfortable. My thoughts are if you are out with your boys on friday, saturday, ..then on Sunday you should be calling me. I dont want to chase. I dont know, it just feels wrong.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 You have "been talking" since June. What exactly is the status of your relationship, from your perspective?
Author 9Lives Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 You have "been talking" since June. What exactly is the status of your relationship, from your perspective? We talked about that yesterday and he said I was his boo! I was his baby but that is another story that I cant get into right now. something happen so we cant say baby anymore. Anyway, What I know is sometimes you know what to do but you dont have the will power to do it. I need to step back and give him time to reach out to me if that is what he wants to do. What I have done is just put my phone in the car to keep myself from hurting myself by calling too much. That might sound really silly to someone else but I had to do something to get myself under control. I dont want to be calling someone who Im not sure wants to hear from me. I had to do something that WORKED! It has helped too.
whichwayisup Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 If it feels wrong, chances are it means you two could be on 2 different pages. Would you consider him your boyfriend? Enough that you want to see and talk to him daily, be a part of his (daily) life? I wouldn't call today, even though plans have been made.. Let him call you next.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I hardly ever call the guy, whether we just met or have been in a relationship for a long time. If the guy likes you enough, he will definitely get in touch with you. If he doesn't like you enough to get in touch, why bother?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 We talked about that yesterday and he said I was his boo! I was his baby but that is another story that I cant get into right now. something happen so we cant say baby anymore. Well, to consider your situation properly, I think we would need a more clear definition of your relationship with this man. "Boo," "Baby," and "talking" for 4 months don't give much to work with. I'm getting the impression that you have had sex with him, but you are not formally in a committed and exclusive relationship. Is that correct? What I know is sometimes you know what to do but you dont have the will power to do it. I need to step back and give him time to reach out to me if that is what he wants to do. What I have done is just put my phone in the car to keep myself from hurting myself by calling too much. You DO have the willpower to resist calling the guy. I promise. If I am right about your relationship, I think you are wise to hold yourself back from calling him every day. You are right, a man needs a chance to come towards you, if that's what he wants to do. If you never leave him any space to do so, he can't. And, this could be a harsh experience, but if he does not take initiative, that means something about where he is coming from with regards to you. Once people are in a relationship, and both of them have the same opinion of the nature of the relationship, I don't think it matters who calls who when.
Author 9Lives Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Have you swapped bodily fluids yet ? Yes we have.
Author 9Lives Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 If it feels wrong, chances are it means you two could be on 2 different pages. Would you consider him your boyfriend? Enough that you want to see and talk to him daily, be a part of his (daily) life? I wouldn't call today, even though plans have been made.. Let him call you next. Yes, it was something wrong! he is still upset about the baby comment I made to another guy. Yes I talk to him every day. I met his sister. We are just cool. I am going to start letting him do most of the calling just to see where we stand.
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Yes we have. I am going to start letting him do most of the calling just to see where we stand. Good.. hopefully that will make him chase you but it seems to me that he might be showing signs of not being into you. He should be all over you but he is hesitating and you are chasing. for what it's worth.. if a girl I was dating started having sex with me I am so not going to act the way he is.. I would be rolling the stone forward and also making her feel good in the process.. I would also be trying to continue having sex and not pulling away.. Good Luck
Author 9Lives Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Well, to consider your situation properly, I think we would need a more clear definition of your relationship with this man. "Boo," "Baby," and "talking" for 4 months don't give much to work with. I'm getting the impression that you have had sex with him, but you are not formally in a committed and exclusive relationship. Is that correct? You DO have the willpower to resist calling the guy. I promise. If I am right about your relationship, I think you are wise to hold yourself back from calling him every day. You are right, a man needs a chance to come towards you, if that's what he wants to do. If you never leave him any space to do so, he can't. And, this could be a harsh experience, but if he does not take initiative, that means something about where he is coming from with regards to you. Once people are in a relationship, and both of them have the same opinion of the nature of the relationship, I don't think it matters who calls who when. MeMe, you are on point about some of the things you have mentioned. We had a long talk yesterday and he says I dont understand him which I dont. He feels like Im a entertainer of other men even though i wouldnt sleep with them. I know he cares about me. He said he is not seeing anyone else. He said Im his lady but still he is very cautious cause he said he thought he didnt have anything to worry about. We went out to eat and I stayed the night. Its all good I guess. I can tell he still dont really trust me. Im working on it I guess
Author 9Lives Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Good.. hopefully that will make him chase you but it seems to me that he might be showing signs of not being into you. He should be all over you but he is hesitating and you are chasing. for what it's worth.. if a girl I was dating started having sex with me I am so not going to act the way he is.. I would be rolling the stone forward and also making her feel good in the process.. I would also be trying to continue having sex and not pulling away.. Good Luck Thank you for the man point of view. I appreciate that. He wasnt pulling away until he read a text in my phone last weekend where i called this guy baby like I call him. This has not set well with him and he has been salty ever since. We had a long talk about it yesterday. We said we are going to try to trust each other more. Im just going to let it do what it do. If he is gone...he is gone. I really dont know what he willl do. He says im his girl yesterday so we will see.
Author 9Lives Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I think since I had a bad relationship before this one. I have a problem with trust as well.
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Thank you for the man point of view. I appreciate that. He wasnt pulling away until he read a text in my phone last weekend where i called this guy baby like I call him. This has not set well with him and he has been salty ever since. We had a long talk about it yesterday. We said we are going to try to trust each other more. Im just going to let it do what it do. If he is gone...he is gone. I really dont know what he willl do. He says im his girl yesterday so we will see. Well there ya go... Goes to show that talking to someone means something. Measure his actions.. maybe it was the blow to his ego with the text and he will rebound.. sillier things have caused waves before. Good luck 9L
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