I got dumped (she lives a few blocks away)

[iamlegend008]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

My ex-girlfriend and I have a crazy relationship. It started 2 years ago when I met her at a party in college. We were both 20 and now we're both 22.

It was a really rocky relationship. While we never had the official label on us of boyfriend/girlfriend. we lived across the street from one another and spent all of our free time together.

It took us a while to build rapport with each other but when we finally did, it was a great relationship.

There were a few major incidences that I think really screwed our relationship on. I don't really reflect on them to much but I think they are too big to ignore.

 

1.) I was caught red handed hooking up with another girl in my room.

Long story short: She dumped me and I fought for her back. I try to tell myself the reason i cheated on her was because she did it first; She made out with one of my friends at a party (Remember, we were not officially boyfriend and girlfriend)

 

We both used to drink a lot.

 

2.) 4th of July: She drove us to a beach party. She pissed me off so I took a cab home with her best friend from highschool who was visiting. What happened between me and her best friend I never told my ex. She still doesn't know that I had sex with her best friend. She came onto me!

Anyways, my ex decided to drive home extremely drunk and got a DUI.

Her family blames me for this, her friends blame me (except the one I was having sex), everyone she knows blames me.

 

This incident changed everything. She stopped drinking. She is what I would call a raging alcoholic. I hated when she got drunk (unless it was solely the 2 of us hanging out together)

 

I love her character. She is the sweetest, most selfless girl I know. Once she stopped drinking, I fell in love with her. I could finally begin to see all the great qualities she had that I look for in a women consistently.

 

Sorry this story is longer then I thought but it's almost over..

 

I ended up studying abroad in the fall (one month after the 4th of july incident). She ended up moving back home because she had to save money to pay her DUI bill.

 

I didn't have the balls to break up with her. I knew I was going to Europe to have the time of my life. I think i felt bad for the DUI incident that I couldn't break up with her.

 

So she suggested a Don't ask, don't tell policy while i was gone.

 

We skyped all the time and she always talked about how she couldn't wait for me to get back blah blah blah..

 

When I got back, I made a trip to her hometown to go see her. I got a hotel room. We rekindled.

 

She made a trip back down to our college town once also.

 

So basically i saw her twice in the span of one year ever since i left the country.

 

I knew she was going to move back to finish school so figured I would wait for her to move back instead of going out of my way to go visit her all the time.

 

She would always text/call me and tell me how she can't wait to move back so we can be back together. this happened up until one week before she actually moved back.

 

She stopped texting me. I never really texted her. in fact, i sometimes was annoyed by how much she would text and call me. I knew something was wrong when she stopped contacting me (especially since she was moving back down a few blocks away from me)

 

I have no idea what happened; She moves back and is 100% over me. She told me she doesn't want to be with me. I didn't see this coming. It broke my heart.

 

I moved on. Everything was going well with me. I was getting over her as well after a month of no contact.

Then, all of a sudden, she wants to start hanging out with me again? I was busy doing my own thing (work and school) and we couldn't find time to hang out. She came over one night while she was drunk (hated this). I didn't want to hang out with the raging alcoholic who pissed me off so many times in the past. She tried to have sex with me but I resisted (kind of regret this now as it was probably the last chance i had to have sex with her).

 

She kept contacting me saying she wants to hang out blah blah blah.

 

Then, I messed up. I got really drunk one night. Showed up at her house and asked her to come back to my place. She was sober and already in bed so she didn't want to. I remember she made me go home and I guess I called her a bitch.

 

She stopped contacting me. I haven't talked to her since this incident. There was a few follow up texts from that night and I basically told her to leave me alone so I can get over her.

 

Well, she has been leaving me alone. But, I don't want her to leave me alone anymore. I think I'm in love with her.

 

Luckily, I don't see her to often. I did, however, see her last night downtown for halloween. I didn't say anything to her and walked out of her sight as quick as possible. i don't even know if she saw me. She was talking to some guy I've never seen before. This broke my heart and what was supposed to be an epic night with me and my boys turned into me thinking about her all night.

 

I even ran into an ex-hookup of mine and all i could think about was my ex-girlfriend while i was talking with her. The rest of my night sucked. I felt depressed and drank a ridiculous amount of alchohol to try to suppress my feelings but that didn't work. I can't stop thinking about her. I miss her lots.

 

I don't know what to do at this point. It is really tough on me because I haven't met any new girls ever since she moved back into town.

My friends say they see her out sometimes at the bars we live by but I haven't been going out that much. The reason for that is because I'm afraid I will see my ex out and I wouldn't know what to say to her. I don't think she will take me back.

 

I don't know why she got over me like flipping a switch?

Now she is meeting other guys. I guess I should get over her. I wish she never would have moved back here..

 

wrote this pretty quick so excuse the poor grammer.

 

any advice on my situation will be much appreciated. I am scared of her. She has the power to break my heart again.

[iamlegend008]

Please Note: I understand that No contact would ultimately lead to me getting over her. However, it is impossible to not physically see her as we live a few blocks from each other and have lots of mutual friends. This is not a problem if I'm sober. I will simply say hello to her and go about my day.

The problem is when I've been drinking; I go out to have fun with my boys and meet new girls.

When I see her out of the blue at a bar/ party I instantly go from feeling like a 10 to a 2. I start feeling like a loser; i start feeling like i'm not good enough; i start feeling worthless. I feel depressed and it kills my night or day or whatever i'm doing. My social skills drop from slightly above average to below average. I feel self-conscious.

 

How can i cope these feelings?