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Going crazy when she cant/wont pick up or reply - tips to deal with it?

SWAN808

By SWAN808
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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SWAN808 Member

SWAN808

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If there is a time when my recent ex contacts me (I am trying to do NC) and I call her back but cant get hold of her - it seems to drive me crazy...I really get worked up and its not healthy. I generally can only calm down once Ive spoken to her....or I have to take sleeping pills to sleep (which again are not healthy)...Unfortunately I have anxiety issues at the moment around this and am trying to work with it...

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to handle this situation and calm down?

mike588 Established Member

mike588

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Posted
If there is a time when my recent ex contacts me (I am trying to do NC) and I call her back but cant get hold of her - it seems to drive me crazy...I really get worked up and its not healthy. I generally can only calm down once Ive spoken to her....or I have to take sleeping pills to sleep (which again are not healthy)...Unfortunately I have anxiety issues at the moment around this and am trying to work with it...

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to handle this situation and calm down?

 

 

Block her #,,, don't attempt to call her back,,,, tell her to quit calling you, change your phone # Maybe she's playing with your head by not answering your call back?

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SWAN808 Member

SWAN808

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it might sound weird - but if we are going to do NC - I much prefer to have a proper talk - then go NC. If NC is broken - I'd prefer to 're-set' the break with a shot friendly chat - then back to NC. For some reason - I freak out if she contacts me and need to do it this way. Its a long story - but we broke up amicably and I broke up with her. Its like I want the wound to heal as well as possible.

 

Is this BS?

mike588 Established Member

mike588

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Posted
it might sound weird - but if we are going to do NC - I much prefer to have a proper talk - then go NC. If NC is broken - I'd prefer to 're-set' the break with a shot friendly chat - then back to NC. For some reason - I freak out if she contacts me and need to do it this way. Its a long story - but we broke up amicably and I broke up with her. Its like I want the wound to heal as well as possible.

 

Is this BS?

 

No, I've always suggested one last email/talk before going N.C. That way you have cleared the air with you ex. about how you feel, what you want/expect and that way there are no questions/confusion and it puts the ball in their corner.

Bobby289 Established Member

Bobby289

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No, I've always suggested one last email/talk before going N.C. That way you have cleared the air with you ex. about how you feel, what you want/expect and that way there are no questions/confusion and it puts the ball in their corner.

 

Exactly, that's the course I took and I am doing a lot better. Get everything out you want to say and how you feel and set boundaries if you have to. She will have that to read over and over again instead of 1000 texts and calls. I have anxiety too so the first 2 weeks of my break up I would shake and just freak out until I took meds. I write music so that helped but I also wrote a ton of unsent letters as a vent, DO NOT SEND ANY TO HER! Just is nice to get everything off your chest when you want to talk to her.

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SWAN808 Member

SWAN808

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Im glad to hear Im not the only one...I tried not to push the last contact last night - but now to be honest - I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown...

M2155 Established Member

M2155

Posted
Posted
it might sound weird - but if we are going to do NC - I much prefer to have a proper talk - then go NC. If NC is broken - I'd prefer to 're-set' the break with a shot friendly chat - then back to NC. For some reason - I freak out if she contacts me and need to do it this way. Its a long story - but we broke up amicably and I broke up with her. Its like I want the wound to heal as well as possible.

 

Is this BS?

 

Um...yes it kinda does. Especially the "re-set the break with a short friendly chat" part- that's still doing the same thing you're doing now. It's like detox, you have to let it go all the way and realize it is going to be very difficult.

 

I understand the "proper talk" but what's the point? You just said you can't get a hold of her when you call. I've been there, and you feel out of control when all the communication is happening on their time...that's the first thing that has to break. Second, if you broke up amicably then you should have already have discussed where you stand then. Realize here that she contacted you, so the ball was actually in your court to chose how to play or refuse to keep playing. If it's important, she would call again.

 

I just think you need to force yourself to disengage or this cycle will go on forever. Imagine if this re-set/chat cycle continues until she meets someone new and lets go altogehter? Then look at all the time you've wasted not healing!

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