grkBoy Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 The fact that she wanted to see me aswell and initiated daytrips made it confusing. I actually like her as a person, wouldn't want to cut off all contact. Stay in touch. Most of the advice here is saying that. Just don't put all your eggs in her basket. Not until she shows she really wants to try something serious with you.
AngelTheSadPanda Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 There is this girl I know. We have long conversations on the phone (she likes to hear my stories). Every now and then we make day-trips. We do something in the afternoon and in the evening we have dinner somewhere. She likes to spend time with me on those days, brings her young child. Recently I confessed to her that I really like her. She told me I am a great guy, she sees me as a good friend but she doesn't feel attraction. She doesn't see us in a relationship. This was the fourth time we went for a trip, we've been talking on the phone since early this year. Can this situation change, can she feel attraction at a later stage, or am I forever stuck in the friendzone? I am pessimistic, but perhaps you have some insights or experiences to share. btw. We are still friends and are still planning new trips. We do not live close to each-other, so each time we see each other is planned beforehand. We do not bump into each other casually. I am going to preface my response with some information about myself. I am a gal with a guy friend who likes me for more than a friend. We do things together... he is into me and has said so. Answer... friend zone forever. The friend guy is the friend for a reason- she isn't attracted to you that way so she feels safe hanging out with you. It's like a girl having a gay best guy friend except you are straight. If she did finally decide to date you it would be because there wasn't anyone else and you'd know the entire relationship that she was half assing it. Stay in your zone. Don't cross the line. If you can't stay in your zone and be happy with it, probably time to stop being friends because you honestly will never be more.
InJest Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Telling her how you felt didn't have any impact on your chances at all, one way or the other. Stop being so nice to her. You said you're going to see her again in a month, so cancel on her the night before, and be vague. Just say something came up and you have to meet a friend. If she asks for more detail, just tell her it's not important, and reschedule. When you actually see her again, go out and have fun, but at the end of the outing tell her, you don't see her as a friend anymore and if she'd like to date then she should give you a call, but otherwise you want all contact from her to stop. Start ignoring her. Or you could just keep being friends with her and wait it out..that one always works out well.
AngelTheSadPanda Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Telling her how you felt didn't have any impact on your chances at all, one way or the other. Stop being so nice to her. You said you're going to see her again in a month, so cancel on her the night before, and be vague. Just say something came up and you have to meet a friend. If she asks for more detail, just tell her it's not important, and reschedule. When you actually see her again, go out and have fun, but at the end of the outing tell her, you don't see her as a friend anymore and if she'd like to date then she should give you a call, but otherwise you want all contact from her to stop. Start ignoring her. Or you could just keep being friends with her and wait it out..that one always works out well. I am sorry, but I think this is very bad advice. This isn't a dating situation. Ignoring her won't do anything except make you lose a friend. No amount of manipulation will change her mind. If my guy friend who has a crush on me pulled that ****^^ I'd laugh and just stop talking to him... wouldn't bat an eyelash. He is a great friend because he is nice- if you turn into a dick she has no reason to talk to you at all. Make sense?
wildgeese Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 It depends on the people and the situation. Usually one can tell if they're being friend-zoned or not. What does your gut tell you? If you feel like she does like you as well but is holding back, then that could be a different story. When I first met my current boyfriend, I wasn't ready for a relationship. Since I wasn't in that state of mind, I wasn't feeling crazy attracted to him. I remember him being at my house one night and all I could think was "I could never be in love with him". Boy, was I wrong! We stopped communicating as frequently, I got my head and personal life in a better place, and a couple of months later I realized how much I missed being around him. Now we've been together for over a year, I can honestly say that I'm in love with him (and super attracted to him!), and we are even planning on living together in the near future. It could be that she is, plain and simple, not attracted to you and never could be. I've had those friend situations too and trust me, it's always heartbreaking for the other person too. It's hard to reject a friend. But it could also be that she does like you and is just not at a place in her life where you fit in. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. Don't regret telling her that you like her. I just wanted to give you a different perspective as most people in forums quickly jump on the "Move on already!" bandwagon without really assessing other situations.
Author bluepeter Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) I think the last comment of grkBoy sums it all up. I like the comment by Wildgeese that it all depends on the people and the situation. Thank you all very much for your honest and thoughtful input. I recently found this community and I like the atmosphere of it. Edited November 2, 2011 by bluepeter
jobaba Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 There is this girl I know. We have long conversations on the phone (she likes to hear my stories). Every now and then we make day-trips. We do something in the afternoon and in the evening we have dinner somewhere. She likes to spend time with me on those days, brings her young child. Recently I confessed to her that I really like her. She told me I am a great guy, she sees me as a good friend but she doesn't feel attraction. She doesn't see us in a relationship. This was the fourth time we went for a trip, we've been talking on the phone since early this year. Can this situation change, can she feel attraction at a later stage, or am I forever stuck in the friendzone? I am pessimistic, but perhaps you have some insights or experiences to share. btw. We are still friends and are still planning new trips. We do not live close to each-other, so each time we see each other is planned beforehand. We do not bump into each other casually. I also have a few friends who have escaped the friend zone and ended up marrying women they chased for many years. But even then, they are looked at as more of a best buddy/provider than someone the other person is hot for. It's hard for me to understand because when I get to know a person really well, they just become more physically attractive. I don't think most people think this way though.
Author bluepeter Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Yesterday I had a long phone conversation with her again. As if nothing happened, it was the same as before. (A few weeks ago I confessed I really liked her and she told me she didn't see us in a relationship) By the end of november we will see each other again.
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