Els Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=303557 , and throughout it all there was a persistent question I had, that was not answered. What do you do when your SO is sick/busy/away, or whatever other circumstances that would result in them being unable to have sex with you? Do you masturbate? If so, to what? There seemed a large portion of posters there who believed that looking at porn while in a relationship is wrong, period. Does not matter how often, does not matter if it interferes with your sex life, just wrong. What would those people masturbate to then, or do some people truly not feel the urge to masturbate?
tigressA Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 If he's away I use a vibrator and usually imagine having sex with him. Once in awhile I will watch porn. If he's with me but otherwise unavailable I just cuddle with him. Cuddling takes the edge off just about anything.
aj22one Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Quite frankly, I masturbate. On a rare occasion to porn, but usually just thinking about the person I'm dating. But whenever I've been in a relationship I can count on one hand the number of times I wanted to have sex but my girlfriend didn't or couldn't. I guess I've had a tendency to date women with high sex drives. To be honest the better question is what do you do when you don't have a SO to think about while masturbating?
Cee Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I would never stop my boyfriend from looking at porn. We have talked about the topic a few times and we've disclosed that we both have used porn. Not everybody is against porn. Personally, I only look at porn rarely. Usually I masturbate and fantasize about freaky stuff. As for him, I don't know what he does exactly. He's discreet about masturbation and the only evidence I've seen is the lubricant gets used up.
make me believe Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Pull out the vibe and turn on the imagination
joystickd Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 masturbate and porn sometimes along with it.
CarrieT Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 My BF and I can only see each other every 9 or 10 days or so -- and in between, I ask for permission for an orgasm so that he has control over that aspect of our relationship. I am never denied and he feels apart of what I am doing as I then explain what it was I was doing or reading (I prefer reading erotica vs. visual) for the orgasm.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I masturbate to my imagination :B My lover is always included in my fantasies. It's far more arousing than any kind of pornography Although sometimes I will just touch myself and get lost in the mere sensations...
somedude81 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Hmm, so it seems most women masturbate to their imagination (of their lover) while some also look at porn. How about the single ladies?
Author Els Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 (edited) Yeah, I pretty much do what y'all do too. Honestly, I was asking this because of the strong anti-porn speeches espoused in the thread I linked. And I was wondering... do those people really fantasize about their partner all the time? TBH, I had never cared about an SO's occasional porn use before... until I came to LS and saw those speeches. They then started to feed into my overanalytical thoughts, and now I don't know how to get rid of them!! It's even worse because I myself love the occasional bit of porn and fantasy, and I really should not be hypocritically unhappy with an SO doing it. Especially when his porn use is so very, very occasional and minimal compared to what I know the average guy to do. Less than me, in fact. And yes, I know this for a fact, he doesn't exactly hide it and we share the computer. My BF and I can only see each other every 9 or 10 days or so -- and in between, I ask for permission for an orgasm so that he has control over that aspect of our relationship. I am never denied and he feels apart of what I am doing as I then explain what it was I was doing or reading (I prefer reading erotica vs. visual) for the orgasm. Sounds interesting. Is there some D/s component to yours, too? We used to do this a little back in the beginning, mostly playfully (I knew he would not really mind if I absolutely needed one and didn't 'ask'!), but after a while it sort of got old so we stopped. Hmm, so it seems most women masturbate to their imagination (of their lover) while some also look at porn. How about the single ladies? When I was single, I really just looked at more porn. Like, uh, ten times more or so. This thread is really not just for the girls, though. I'm interested in answers from people of both genders. Edited October 30, 2011 by Elswyth
somedude81 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Yeah, I pretty much do what y'all do too. Honestly, I was asking this because of the strong anti-porn speeches espoused in the thread I linked. And I was wondering... do those people really fantasize about their partner all the time? TBH, I had never cared about an SO's occasional porn use before... until I came to LS and saw those speeches. They then started to feed into my overanalytical thoughts, and now I don't know how to get rid of them!! I wouldn't really worry about it. Some people have their own crusades about what the believe is right or wrong about the world. Some people believe that porn is evil, others believe that eating meat is evil. Honestly somebody is taken advantage of for all the things we eat and wear and use. I prefer to just live in denial about the truth of the world and just enjoy what I enjoy. How else am I supposed to have a hamburger while watching Big Boobie Babes 6? When I was single, I really just looked at more porn. Like, uh, ten times more or so.Can always appreciate a good horny woman
tigressA Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Okay, I'll say it--there have been some times, while masturbating, when I've fantasized about past lovers who I had really hot times with. I do that a whole lot more while single compared to while in a relationship. I still struggle a bit with feeling ashamed of it, thinking it absolutely must mean I'm not satisfied with my current sex life, but rationally I know that's not true.
somedude81 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 This thread is really not just for the girls, though. I'm interested in answers from people of both genders. Bah, nobody cares what the men do. 99% will say, I look at porn. The woman are more mysterious.
ptp Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Okay, I'll say it--there have been some times, while masturbating, when I've fantasized about past lovers who I had really hot times with. I do that a whole lot more while single compared to while in a relationship. I still struggle a bit with feeling ashamed of it, thinking it absolutely must mean I'm not satisfied with my current sex life, but rationally I know that's not true. is it a physical thing? Like were you more physically attracted to past ones?
tigressA Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 is it a physical thing? Like were you more physically attracted to past ones? Hmm...I never thought about it. Most guys I've been with have also been ridiculously attractive to me but there will be, of course, a couple of standouts here and there for one reason or another. One who still enters my fantasies on occasion was an excellent tease, incredibly passionate with lots of attention to detail, didn't hurt that he was f*cking gorgeous too --the best I ever had, as far as technique. It was a really short fling, though.
Author Els Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Okay, I'll say it--there have been some times, while masturbating, when I've fantasized about past lovers who I had really hot times with. I do that a whole lot more while single compared to while in a relationship. I still struggle a bit with feeling ashamed of it, thinking it absolutely must mean I'm not satisfied with my current sex life, but rationally I know that's not true. Aww, TA. I have not really done that, although tbh I have fantasized about stuff that I don't post on LS due to fear of being judged. I think many people do, they just don't say it. Bah, nobody cares what the men do. 99% will say, I look at porn. The woman are more mysterious. Oh, c'mon, let's make this a fair and unbiased thread. Or try to. There actually were men in that thread that I linked, that have claimed to be completely off porn, so I was curious what they do. Thanks, though, your meat-eating analogy definitely made sense. I definitely would not stop eating meat just because some people believe it to be evil, so why would this be any different? It's just that when you keep reading stuff like that, you tend to get caught up in them sometimes. When so many women claim that a man watching porn is a reflection on their sexuality, desirability, self-worth, etc etc etc, reading it tends to snare you sometimes. Ten times more is not really impressive seeing as it happens about once every couple of weeks nowadays. Although it did rise sharply over the past few days due to the bf's absence.
ptp Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Hmm...I never thought about it. Most guys I've been with have also been ridiculously attractive to me but there will be, of course, a couple of standouts here and there for one reason or another. One who still enters my fantasies on occasion was an excellent tease, incredibly passionate with lots of attention to detail, didn't hurt that he was f*cking gorgeous too --the best I ever had, as far as technique. It was a really short fling, though. ahhaha, wish I could read a book to improve mine, but I think that sort of thing only happens with experience. I too wish to haunt my ex's dreams ......in a good way:laugh:.
xxoo Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I prefer my imagination. The "male role" is usually my H, but the fantasy is more about the act than the person. Occasionally, I fantasize about a man other than my H. In that case, it is more about the person than the act. These tend to be more about "what would it actually be like with him?", whereas, with my H, I already know...and take the fantasies to different levels.
Author Els Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Oooohh. To be perfectly honest, I would not have been happy if I knew my SO was fantasizing about women he knows IRL. Porn is okay, it was really just all the anti-porn threads that were getting to me. I'm not saying what you ladies do is wrong, per se, just that it would have made me unhappy personally. Do your SOs know, and would you have been okay with it the other way around? Again, not judging, just curious.
9Lives Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I will masterbate. I have times when I just cant get enough of him or I have these urges and I need to break it off of me. That is what I do
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I have included faceless male strangers in my fantasies ... but my lover is involved with them, not me :o:o Any "promiscuous" fantasy I've had I haven't been involved in, but he has LOL. It's probably my way of sidestepping guilt. Damn.
Author Els Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Yeah, my fantasies have really only ever been faceless or my SO. It was usually far more about the act than the person. And whoa, Onyx, interesting psychoanalysis you have going there!
ptp Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I have included faceless male strangers in my fantasies ... So was I emo in these fantasies? j/k
xxoo Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Do your SOs know, and would you have been okay with it the other way around? Again, not judging, just curious. Yes, he knows. He's fine with it, and enjoys hearing my dirty thoughts whenever I'm willing to share (whether it is about him or not!). I know he fantasizes about others, too, on occasion. It doesn't bother me.
denise_xo Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I masturbate, with or without toys, usually to my own imagination or some written erotica. I don't mind a partner watching porn but I'm not into it myself. I watch it very occasionally
Recommended Posts