Rorschach64 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I know I'm probably reading into this more than I should be but here is the situation. 5 months ago ex f was given an address to return my laptop and dog tags that I had since I joined the army. After that, NC both sides, minus a letter I sent basically saying no hard feelings and have a nice life, till a month ago I got an email asking for a mailing address for my stuff. I responded politely plus a joking nick name and to this day no laptop. So any thoughts, opinions, or whatever might be going on here?
Author Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 bump would like to get some minimal insight on this! I do not intend on breaking NC with my ex to get my stuff back unless she talks to me first!
Bobby289 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Well I don't think she is really thinking much about it and just pushing it back. I understand a letter but a joking nickname may have caused some mixed feelings to her and pushed her away from you even if it used to be funny. By the sounds of it you are still holding onto her... You want your stuff back yeah but you also want her to contact you about it yeah? I think the best thing is to wait and set a day in the future as a deadline then contact her, then you can just be blunt and say "I would appreciate it if you can send my items to me out of respect, I have asked prior to this without any response. I don't want this to turn into a problem between us...etc" nothing cute or sweet just blunt and to the point.
Author Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) I can understand that it is probably more so the situation of her sending the stuff back when it is convenient or she has no intentions of returning my stuff. well the nick name I used in the response wasnt one I ever used before with her, something I came up with on the fly, so I hope it wasnt a bad choice. Yes you are right, I still hold on to her in my heart, she is someone I wanted to marry but it ended 'cause of GIGs. I dont want to contact her in lieu of being set back and being friend zoned, told her I ain't settling for second best but the urge has been there. Thankfully I deleted her number and fb so I can't contact her that way. Edited October 31, 2011 by Rorschach64
Bobby289 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) I understand where you are coming from but think about how you are saying these things. I am not saying any of this to bash you or be harsh. "when it is convenient" you are letting her walk all over you. You love the girl and don't want to ruin any chance but you can ruin it just as well letting her have everything her way. I get where you are coming from I really do but you have to set boundaries and put your foot down sometimes. It is hard to let someone you love go but you will not move forward until you fully let them go. If it was the other way around and you freaked out and dumped someone you loved because you were scared or nervous, you would not want someone you know is just waiting for you because then you know you can do whatever you want without consequence. She has to miss you first. I feel your pain and it sucks... Edited October 31, 2011 by Bobby289
Author Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) Yeah I know you are only saying whats best in your opinion and I know where you are coming from especially the whole walking all over me thing. I was talking to homebrew about it the day before I got that email. how homebrew put it, poking at her probably won't make her send the stuff any faster and I agree but also I'd feel like a punk/jerk breaking NC. I know initially I was messaging her a bit asking what she was doing with my stuff and it only resulted with lame excuses. Edited October 31, 2011 by Rorschach64
Star Gazer Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 My last long-term relationship ended early June 2010, and I didn't get the very last of my belongings back until September of this year. At first it was avoidance on my part, then laziness, and then turned into avoidance on his part, and then laziness. Sometimes it's honestly just laziness...
Author Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 That's what I was thinking, just probably doesn't care enough to send it back and she will send it back when she wants to at her own leisure even if I nag at her. Less I say to her the better.
Bobby289 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Yeah they never make it easy, good luck man.
Star Gazer Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 That's what I was thinking, just probably doesn't care enough to send it back and she will send it back when she wants to at her own leisure even if I nag at her. Less I say to her the better. Well, if you want your laptop back, I'd get it back sooner than later... because until then, the door is still open for contact.
69ways Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 9 months later my clothes are still at hers. I asked her to give them to me, she has been avoiding it. about 2 months ago she called at 2 in the morning and demanded ,that I would pick them up. Told her to give it to her new bf, she threaten she will burn them. Like I care....the broken heart I got from her make me not wanting those clothes back as they are full of memories back Its not important why they keep the clothes or laptop or whatever. You might believe they are doing it because they miss you or not wanting to cut connection with you. I thought of that but when I made a surprised visit and saw that my clothes had been packed away, then I realised that is not really like that..... every person is different and they will act like this for their own reasons but don'd overanalyse it, just go and buy yourself a new laptop and save the grief and maybe the induction to the nuthouse Dont forget, take care of you and try to avoid anything with her as you make it worse for you.
mike588 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Hey not to rub it in or anything but when my ex. dumped me for her ex I had no problem getting my stuff back,, she even gave me her old laptop. I assume it was due to her guilt?? Sorry to hear your having a hard time with your ex. Good luck.
Author Rorschach64 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 I really appreciate all the replies and opinions! The break up itself was extremely messy and very aggressive on her part to avoid any guilt of breaking up with me for some other guy, which she obviously denied up and down, on top of calling me mentally unstable and suggesting I wallow in my own fecal matter. So it is a situation where she has to realize her own insanity. Anyway, I figure I will say something along the lines of what Bobby suggested, ie Please send my stuff back out of respect for me I don't want this to become an issue, when I have to send a new address to her due to moving again. Other than that, clearly from other people's stories, apply any sort of pressure on the other individual seems to accomplish nothing really.
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