neghitzbrah Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 SO my ex called me today after I told her not to call me again unless she wasn't with her man anymore. Well she was... and I could tell that she was driving home. Knowing from experience, she was driving home from her bf's place. So last Wednesday was our anniversary (would make it 6 years). I've been feeling really upset and down for the past couple of weeks. She called because she wanted to see how I was doing. She has been feeling depressed too, and her boss approached her about it too. I told her I haven't been feeling good either. After a few minutes, I had a change of thought. My brother said to me, a few weeks ago, that I shouldn't keep giving into her everytime she reaches out. It's like I'm giving her control over me. When this thought occured to me while on the phone with her, I asked her why she keeps calling me. Her boyfriend hates it, and she knows that it hurts me everytime. She started to cry, so I ended up telling her not to call me while she's with her man. Then I said I had to go and left. I don't (and I refuse) to get back into the back-burner status. I don't want to be used anymore by her. I don't get her. If she is depressed still, as I am, ALL while she is dating this dude (who is her ex-bf by the way) then why the hell is she with him and not with me? I'm so upset and depressed again. Bish be crazy. Why do I miss her and want to be with her again? Still... after 9 months?
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 That is really selfish of her to string you along like that I know how you feel though. My ex started seeing a girl who "meant nothing to him" and has a "non committing" attitude, when him and I established that we missed each other and wanted to see each other more. When I found out I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and to have his stupid "non committing" girl. When I told him that he started crying and telling me she doesn't matter and that I still gave him the best two years of his life and that I still have a place in his heart, but I still walked. I let him know he still meant the world to me, but that I was done. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, leave the guy I love unconditionally and completely let him go. That was a month ago, and I haven't heard from him since. Apparently him and that other girl spend lots of time together so I guess I was replaced pretty easily. I don't get it either, they want you, but they also want to try other candies too. It isn't fair and trust me the best thing you can do is to go NC, delete her out of your life, and focus on yourself and making something out of your life. Staying positive is something that helps a lot too and it does get easier with time. Also, separation really does allow you to let go and forgive and no longer hold a grudge that eats at you. Trust me, even though I have been feeling much better, I still cry over him from time to time because I miss him to no end and sometimes I wonder if I ever cross his mind too. It is okay to miss her and grieve, but you gotta keep moving forward and show her you don't need her to be happy. Let her go and allow her to live her life and make poor decisions. Trust me, they usually realize how stupid they were, but it only happens after you have disappeared and a lot of time has passed. I know it is hard, but it is the best way to move on and possibly get her to realize she is being retarded.
Marianis Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 have you listen to this song: lips of an angel by hinder? i thought of it when i was reading your post!... i guess she miss you still and wants to know how you are .. the break up is always difficult for both and every person has their own way to heal .. find yours and if its better to go NC then do it for you! good luck
mike588 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 SO my ex called me today after I told her not to call me again unless she wasn't with her man anymore. Well she was... and I could tell that she was driving home. Knowing from experience, she was driving home from her bf's place. So last Wednesday was our anniversary (would make it 6 years). I've been feeling really upset and down for the past couple of weeks. She called because she wanted to see how I was doing. She has been feeling depressed too, and her boss approached her about it too. I told her I haven't been feeling good either. After a few minutes, I had a change of thought. My brother said to me, a few weeks ago, that I shouldn't keep giving into her everytime she reaches out. It's like I'm giving her control over me. When this thought occured to me while on the phone with her, I asked her why she keeps calling me. Her boyfriend hates it, and she knows that it hurts me everytime. She started to cry, so I ended up telling her not to call me while she's with her man. Then I said I had to go and left. I don't (and I refuse) to get back into the back-burner status. I don't want to be used anymore by her. I don't get her. If she is depressed still, as I am, ALL while she is dating this dude (who is her ex-bf by the way) then why the hell is she with him and not with me? I'm so upset and depressed again. Bish be crazy. Why do I miss her and want to be with her again? Still... after 9 months? You should stay in N.C. and yes it seems that she still has some feelings for you. If you break N.C and talk to her don't let on your feeling down, not feeling good either your just telling her your weak and your waiting for her. I'm sure she knows you want to get back together,, it's up to her now,, so just ignore her,,stay in strict N.C. and move on. Your not gonna get her back letting her know your sad and not moving on,,, she may get jealous if you ignore her,, she may wonder if your dating,, found someone else make her wonder about you, be mysterious. Sounds like she doesn't have much respect for her boyfriend by calling you,,I'd be pissed if my g/f did that!! Your brother is right!
R32 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 WOW story of my life. Except she tries to talk to me on a more intimate level. And she's with the guy who she originally cheated on me with. She still phones time to time, but after reading your post I think I need to reinforce the fact that I don't want anything to do with her and her new guy as long as they are together. Stay strong man, I miss her like crazy too, and even though I can play it out quite nice that I don't need her.. I would do anything to have things back when we were happy.
wilsonx Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 She keeps communicating with all of you because you allow yourselves to be placed on the backburner status. You have to let go completely. She left you for another guy. both guys op and r32 This goes with the whole no personal boundary thing. A lot of these GIGS type breakups when someone leaves you for someone else. Everybody says the same thing, i still care for them, i hope they do well, this that etc. In the end its typically a troubled person vs caretaker. The guys here in this thread are caretakers. "I still care for them" "I still answer their texts, calls" "I still help them" "I do not want to talk to you or be friends while you are dating that guy you left me for" <--- This right here is emotional manipulation on your guys part. Thats why they keep calling you/texting you crying and unsure. You are ENABLING this behavior on you and her. Its your job to cut the string and move on. This shows where caretakers lack personal boundaries. When a relationship is over, its over, you need to walk away and focus on yourself. If you have to break NC to end the behavior, then do so but then move back on. Once you start standing up for yourself confidently things will be a lot better for you down the road.
beachwrangler Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I can absolutely relate to this situation. I told my ex girlfriend of two years I can't be friends with her while she is dating the guy she cheated on me with and left me for. Does she still text me daily of course. Do I respond not anymore. Today I get texts saying are you seeing anybody else, it hurts that it seems im nothing to you anymore, i wish you would show me you still cared, and im not happy with him. I almost feel bad for her current bf because she obviously has no respect for him. NC is the only way to get them to stop bc I've learned that responding to them only enforces this kind of behavior.
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