s1l3nced Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Hey all, this is actually my first post. I've spent days dwelling through the internet looking for methods to get her back. I've been to this site off and on reading some posts and I believe that there are some wise folks on here! First off, my name is Sean. I am 21 years old. I'm from Toronto. I was with this girl for 3 years, when she decided to end it with me. Her reasoning was that I simply hurt her too much in the past with cheating and arguing. I met her when I was (I think) 17 or 18. I made a few mistakes with cheating on her and I admitted to them and tried my best to change for the better. I failed the first couple times but I haven't done it in a year. I've told her this, because I want to gain her trust back slowly and I want to move forward. Now she tells me that I have hurt her too much and that it just won't work. So, normally I would beg for her back, and buy her things, and it would work. This time, she went fullblown on me, dumped me, and I seen on her twitter that she's been calling this one guy hot and whatnot. I then see his profile pic update with a picture of her and him at this bar I normally go to with her. So that crushed me.. and now he writes to her on twitter "I'm all yours.." so I'm assuming things are getting hot pretty quick. So she dumped me basically a week ago, not even.. maybe 5 days ago? and 2 days ago that profile pic changed. Everyone's telling me it's most likely a rebound but there's a part of me that thinks that this was planned out for a while and that I just am not cutting it for her anymore. So I'm thinking should I apply No Contact rule and possibly she and the new guy wont last and maybe realize she made a mistake? Should I improve on myself to grab her attention and realize that I am the one for her and that she just needed to take a big step back and realize? Or should I just move on, forget about her.. even if she calls, just tell her I'm not interested anymore. I'm not sure what the best way to go about this is. Me and her did everything, though.. We talked about marriage.. kids... house.. one day. we're obviously young, and this is just cute talk, I know. However, I really feel like she's a big part of my life, if you do the math its 17% of my life spent with her. I just want her to know that I am not the guy she dated before that cheated on her. I am faithful, as much as it's hard to change I did. I've encountered many opportunities to cheat on other women after the first couple times I cheated and I stuck to my word when I promised myself no more. I'm not quitting cheating for her, I'm quitting it for myself, because I know in the end it's me who will get hurt. Anyways I hope you guys can provide me with some insight. If I didn't mention everything or if you have any questions that may help with your answers then feel free to ask, I'm open to any questions at this point so I can get some good feedback! Thanks for taking the time to read this. P.S. not sure if this is allowed on the forums, but I can provide the message she sent me (blurring out the personal things) so maybe you guys can decrypt any messages hidden in there lol Thanks again! I look forward to your expertise Love Shack!
Author s1l3nced Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Update: I know I shouldn't have but I went to her facebook page by accident. We aren't friends, but I still have access to her wall. I noticed she put a picture of him and her up. At first he put the pic up on his twitter, but now she put it on her facebook. At this point I don't even know if it would be worth it to take her back. Anyways I have had NC for 3 days since she dumped me. Well actually, she dumped me last wednesday so I guess like 5 days. Anyways what's your guys honest opinions?
ls32ssibm Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Start off on a new slate with a new girl - and don't cheat again. I'm going through the same thing right now - my girlfriend may be f****ing or sucking her new boyfriend right now and I'm alone thinking about it. But guess what? I'm the better person for not using someone to get over an ex.
ChelseaLS Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Sean, chances she is looking to fill the void. More often then not, the rebounds people choose, are just that... and nothing more. She could be trying to make you feel bad too (perhaps for the cheating and hurt you caused her), but it's just a rebound. They don't generally work out. As much as it sucks when the idea or image pops into your head of her and someone else, unfortunately you can't do anything about it, you two aren't together at this time. She is free to do what she wants, as you are.
Mallow Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Go into direct no contact. Don't look at her facebook, rid of anything that reminds of of her, and resist from making contact. Stay strong, keep occupied with family/friends/work. If she feels that the trust has been broken and cannot be mended, then it's best to move on. All you can do is focus on yourself right now. Don't check up on her, ignore the fact that she may be seeing someone else. Do a complete 180 on her. If there is still feelings there, she may come back, if not, you'll be on the path to moving on.
Mcnulty Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Leave her be mate. I'm going through the same ****...she went with someone else and announced it to the world on FB a week ago...didn't even have the decency/respect for me to tell me to my face. hey it may be a rebound, bit it aint you and it aint me, it's some other guy getting it off her. keep yopu pride intact and do not contact soiled goods.
Author s1l3nced Posted November 3, 2011 Author Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks all for your replies. This is pretty much the advice I was expecting, as I have talked to a few friends in real life and they said the same. I am just wondering, though.. even though I have hurt the trust, and have made mistakes, is it still possible for her to return and want me back after some time? I am going to apply the NC and focus on myself, but to be honest.. I really do want things to work out. I have started on a 5 day workout routine, and am studying harder to do well with the goals I have already started. Just wish she was here to see me achieve them. Is there a moment when I should contact her in the future? I've heard of people saying the time is right when you feel like you don't "need" her anymore. Maybe when I'm fully healed up and we both have accepted history and want to start over.. Bah, this is tough. First hard breakup.
Space Ritual Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 go No Contact. I mean yeah you have cheated in the past so are you really surprised? Look at it this way.. There is always YONGE STREET!
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