JackhammerGemma Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 This is the the first time I have ever been truly happy with a man. I respect the fact that when a separated/divorced person has a child or children, they come as a package deal. Right. I get that. What I don't get is why his ex has to unleash all this drama on us almost every day. It makes us miserable. I'll cut to my question. We plan to get married next year and are already engaged (have not divulged to his ex as this would cause her to become even more vindictive); he has been separated for a year. His son is six years old. We both admit that it was likely a mistake to have me start spending the night at his house on weekends when he has his son over, even though I'm not a passing ship in the night and we both know it. The ex made a big stink over it, as she does over every other little thing she can think of that will make my fiance miserable. The divorce is supposed to be final next month but the ex is making things hard for him because now she wants my fiance back even though she caused the dissolution of the marriage by cheating on him for who knows how long. So my question is - my fiance's son seems fine and not weirded out by my being there overnight; in fact, he likes me very much and has expressed at times that he wants me there overnight. On the one hand my fiance and I are just not sure this is the right thing to keep doing, at least until the divorce is final (or until we get married?? move in?); on the other hand is it right to put the son on a yo-yo and make him get un-used to having me around nights? We don't know what would be best. He is going to have to get used to it anyway since we are going to be married and living together.
Author JackhammerGemma Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Valid point but can we please focus on my question? Thanks.
Lis007 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Are you sure you aren't being a bit quick to call his ex vindictive when the marriage break up is so fresh regardless of who instigated it. I would probably try to see things from a family perspective and of course its hard when children are involved and other partners are introduced. The attitude you develop now will probably set the scene for future communications and the reality is that you will be intertwined with his wife for a very long time if you do go ahead and get married. When children are involved it has to be about whats best for them and only the parents can work through that.
Frank13 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I would say if the child wants you there and the two of you are going to be married anyway, I say stay overnight. He is too young to know the difference of you staying there before the divorce is final or after, and if you explained it to him, he probably wouldn't care anyway. If it makes you, your fiance, and the child happy for you to stay overnight, then do it. I think the yo youing of his soon is worse. The biggest thing you have to worry about is the drama caused by the STBX. Hopefully your fiance has the smarts to know that continuing to let the STBX create drama will destroy your relationship with him.
Art_Critic Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I think for the child's sake you both should wait till you are married. With children their stability is based on the parents and until you are married you aren't providing a stable homelife for a child... My advice is based on what you posted about, I feel it holds true for all couples but there are exceptions to the rules... but not many JMO
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