imperfectangel Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 East I feel you even after I went nc I still made excuses for my ex mm until just over a week ago he sent me this text No texting this weekend my wife will have my phone from 9 am today. Thanks For some reason that just did it for me a switch went in my brain. When I went nc I sent him a msg telling him how much hed hurt me and that I'd had enough - he never replied and this text was the next thing I heard from him it was enough for me to see him for what he was
Author East7 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Its true, people with nothing to hide, hide nothing, and having trust in someone you love is the most important thing. Trust truly is everything. Stay happy East. I'm really proud of you! Merci TC yeah so much better living with honesty. No more stolen moments, sneaking around, lying to her H for meeting me then going back to him...Oh yuck I have often wondered, what would I do if xMW came back to me all romantic and wanting finally to be with me. Well, honestly I don't want her anymore. Too much hurt and betrayal. She might as well send me sweet e-mails, it will not change anything. When we were LC, any contact would actually piss me off, I hated to realize that she would contact me just because she was bored/lonely or unhappy with her H. I respect her enough to be polite but essentially I had told her that if she has nothing new to come up with (meaning D) she needs to suck it up and leave me alone. Now strict NC, much better !
Author East7 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 East I feel you even after I went nc I still made excuses for my ex mm until just over a week ago he sent me this text No texting this weekend my wife will have my phone from 9 am today. Thanks For some reason that just did it for me a switch went in my brain. When I went nc I sent him a msg telling him how much hed hurt me and that I'd had enough - he never replied and this text was the next thing I heard from him it was enough for me to see him for what he was Oh they all react like spoiled children sometimes He is playing stupid games.
imperfectangel Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I see that now east this forum, including many of your posts have helped me so much Without this place I'd probably still be "with" him now I don't understand now how I could ever be into someone like him he is not the kind of man I want to be with how could I trust him not to do the same to me? That goes for anyone else here if your mm/mw wanted you could you ever really trust them when you know what they're capable of?! Just a thought
Author East7 Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 That goes for anyone else here if your mm/mw wanted you could you ever really trust them when you know what they're capable of?! Just a thought It takes a lot of clarity to arrive at a 'simple' conclusion : If she was able to lie and cheat to the man she made vows to, shares her life with and raises children, how could she be trustful with me. I haven't objectively the right to think she would do it to me but when I saw how she threw me under the bus when the sh*t hit the fan, I couldn't trust her anymore. If I ended up with her I would feel insecure, controlling and doubting whether she would go back to her H or cheat on me. It is not a life I would have liked to live. The fact we didn't end up together, may be a blessing in disguise
imperfectangel Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 The fact we didn't end up together, may be a blessing in disguise It may not feel like that now but in time you'll see that you are better off without someone like her
FightClub Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 East, I have to agree with this %100...it is a blessing in disguise and one that you'll continue to enjoy in time. Do your thing, whatever else happens to them is beyond worrying about now. -FC
RickFox Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Yes, they always come back to see how available you are to THEM. Everything its just a game for them and do not realize the pain they inflict. Its all about HER, it has always been. Sometimes one wonders: even if they leave their M, would we still want them after all their selfishness? Absolutely not! Although I was not a single man with a married woman, I was ready to give it all to her and now I think what I fool I was/am. I cannot comment on her coming back, we had contact a week ago and that was it before she told me to leave her alone which I was glad to do and was going to do regardless. Even in her telling me to move on, it seemed like it was all about her. If she decides to test the waters at any given point, I will gladly ignore her and that is a promise I made to myself. Some things make me think of her, but those thoughts are quickly replaced with thoughts of how destructive she was/is to my life. It simply makes my resolve to work on my marriage that much stronger.
Confused4Now Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 The fact we didn't end up together, may be a blessing in disguise No there is no maybe...it is a blessing in disguise!!!
Yianks Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Sometimes I wonder if we (OM/OW) are the insane ones. How can we possibly want to be with someone who we basically do not know on a 24/7 basis? Perhaps it has something to do with 'the logic steps back when love enters'. The only solution is NC which works wonders and makes us think logically and realize that the odds for a successful R are really against us.
Author East7 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) Sometimes I wonder if we (OM/OW) are the insane ones. How can we possibly want to be with someone who we basically do not know on a 24/7 basis? Perhaps it has something to do with 'the logic steps back when love enters'. The only solution is NC which works wonders and makes us think logically and realize that the odds for a successful R are really against us. Well, in a normal relationship you might be in the same condition, not 24/7. Some distant relationships work so. You might not know the person on daily basis still you want to be with that person like moving together etc. When you develop deep feelings for someone it comes natural to constantly want to be with them. The difference with a normal relationship is that you trust your GF and she is trustworthy because she is having an honest and daylight relationship with you. You are the only man she sees, dates and sleeps with. Friends, families know you are together, there are no hidden moments, lies or drama etc..The foundation is healthy. OTOH an A is a hidden relationship which implies allowing MW to cheat and hurt another person behind his back. I had attempted many times to end the A with xMW telling her that she needed to divorce first and then starting things from scratch with me, dating and taking it from zero. She never took it seriously. nor she thought about a future for us. All she cared was short-term gratification, having my love, adoration and the way I made her feel, right there, express delivery.. Edited November 1, 2011 by East7
Confused4Now Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 I had attempted many times to end the A with xMW telling her that she needed to divorce first and then starting things from scratch with me, dating and taking it from zero. She never took it seriously. nor she thought about a future for us. All she cared was short-term gratification, having my love, adoration and the way I made her feel, right there, express delivery..Ditto here for me big time...funny how clear we can see that now and all we cared about was cherishing those few minutes we had with each other. How nice once the fog has lifted you can see it now!!!. Your doing good EAST keep up the good work. Your xMW chose to go down another path which doesn't include you. I'm certain you can see that now.....
Author East7 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) Ditto here for me big time...funny how clear we can see that now and all we cared about was cherishing those few minutes we had with each other. How nice once the fog has lifted you can see it now!!!. Your doing good EAST keep up the good work. Your xMW chose to go down another path which doesn't include you. I'm certain you can see that now..... The irony of it is that we even talked marriage at some point (she said one day out of the blue that she wanted to marry me and be with me forever) and joked about having a baby together which she gladly liked as idea but her actions were light-years away from our jokes. I guess we were both so much daydreaming that it kept me in the loop for a long time unless I would have walked earlier. It went really too far verbally but I didn't see her doing simple things for us let alone marrying me. Edited November 1, 2011 by East7
pureinheart Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Hi East...hang in there, break ups are never easy...hey, not trying to cut your post down, although I want to speak concerning your title. Trust is important, although not everything to me because every person we come in any type of major contact with has the ability to break a trust. Unfortunately it's human nature, and not pleasant. All of us have broken a trust at some point in time. I realise you aren't East, although I have seen people in my life that are crushed, sometimes to the point of suicide when "trust" is broken, so as a suggestion, could understanding be more important than trust as people will always let us down at some point.
Yianks Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I guess it all comes down to the fact that the prize (MW) is not worth the price we are paying. The price includes everything from the loneliness, to the emotional upset, the repressed anger, the guilty feelings, the lies and the broken trust.
Gentlegirl Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 I guess it all comes down to the fact that the prize (MW) is not worth the price we are paying. The price includes everything from the loneliness, to the emotional upset, the repressed anger, the guilty feelings, the lies and the broken trust. It would be like getting a used car. It would be like paying for a heap of **** at the end of the day. Not worth it! GG
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