thiscantbe Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 a little over a month ago my wife began seeing a chiropractor. well, coulpe weeks later i noticed they were friends on facebook. so i jokingly i made a comment about how their probably messaging one another and she became a little defensive so i let it go. a few days later i notice shes starting to shower and put on makeup before she goes to him. my suspicions grow so i remember that she gave me her password to her email a long time ago so i tried it with he fb account. it worked and sure enough they were talking. i didnt say anything at this point. i just continued to monitor the activity.as you can imagine my emotions were starting to go wild. she was telling him about our marriage and our personal life. then he said he wanted to get to know her. she had no idea i knew. she was hiding it from me and talking to him while i was another room. this was the end of their chats on fb. he gave her his cell number and would be left in the dark. to make matters worse i was to leave for a week a day after they stopped talking on fb. i knew they were texting, she had her volume turned off on her phone and it was always on her. so the night before i left, i was packing my bags and she came in and was talking to me and i decided to confront her about it. of course she got defensive and told me i was crazy. so i asked her if she was really going to lie to my face, again she denied. so i told her how and what i knew. her face turned white and i thought she was going to pass out. i made it perfectly clear to her that she would lose her family if she continued. her conversations with him were headed in a bad direction and needed to stop. she said it was over and i made sure she sent him a message saying so. the next day i left, sure that i could trust the woman i loved so much that it was over. later that night when i talked to her i asked if she talked to him. she said he text her asking how she was and that was it. i believed her. the week went by fast and ireturned home to what seemed like a normal marriage. nothing seemed out of place, she didnt seem like she was hiding anything. a week or so goes by, nothing. i was feeling pretty good, my emotions subsided and life great. then, and i dont even know what it was, but something seemed funny. she went out with her friends and i was home with the kids. i decided to check our phone bill and was smacked right in the face. in a 2 day period there were 190 text messages to this number i didnt know. i called her and asked her about it and she confirmed it was him so i went back through the bill and realized they never stopped talking. there was over 2000 texts from sept. 24 to oct 10. she said they were just friends talking about kids and relationship advice. i knew different but could not prove it. that day came when she left her phone at home when she went to work. i knew she would have deleted everything but i checked anyways. her phone actually keeps a history and i was able to see some of the texts, just parts andthey were talking about having sex and what he wanted to do to her and she said she wanted to have sex with him but couldnt justify cheating on me. while i was looking at the bill i realized he had sent pics. she said they were of his kids. i knew the werent and eventually she confessed what they really were. and yes it was his d^*#. she said she didnt want the pics but i cant believe that. i cant believe anything she tells me anymore. i dont know what to do, i guess thats why i am here. i need advice. pleae help!!
Bryanp Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I am so sorry for what you are going through. Remember this saying: No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You threatened her and she continued contacting him and lying to your face. My guess is that she has been continuing this disrespectful behavior because she knew she could get away with it and even if you found out you would do nothing which is exactly what you did. Do you think if she knew that you would have automatically divorced her if she was engaged in any type of cheating that she would have gone done this path? I doubt it. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have been so accepting as you have been? Even after being caught she continued to humiliate and disrespect you and your marriage. You threatened her and it meant nothing to her. I would suggest that it is time for some shock and awe. Tell her you will be contacting a lawyer to understand your options. It is up to her to try to win you back. If you plan to try to recover I would insist on a post-nuptial agreement. This is very bad news for you since she has lost all credibility and you will never know if she is constantly lying to you now and in the future. You may wish to seriously consider moving on. Finally, if the OM has a wife or girlfriend then you need to expose this affair to them. In addition, contact the Chiropractor Board in your state and file a complaint against him. It is highly unethical what he is doing. One more time: NO CONSEQUENCES TO HER ACTIONS EQUALS NO MOTIVATION TO CHANGE. She continues to disrespect you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.
Hanther Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I can't add anything relevant that hasn't already been said except this: Do EVERYTHING that BryanP said. This is how you will save your marriage. React any other way, and I can almost guarantee you that you will have thrown your marriage down the drain. It is up to you. You have done the smart thing and come here for advice, so you can get the information that has been given to most of these people only in hindsight. You are lucky enough to have it while there is still time. So use it.
y2k Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 a little over a month ago my wife began seeing a chiropractor. well, coulpe weeks later i noticed they were friends on facebook. so i jokingly i made a comment about how their probably messaging one another and she became a little defensive so i let it go. a few days later i notice shes starting to shower and put on makeup before she goes to him. my suspicions grow so i remember that she gave me her password to her email a long time ago so i tried it with he fb account. it worked and sure enough they were talking. i didnt say anything at this point. i just continued to monitor the activity.as you can imagine my emotions were starting to go wild. she was telling him about our marriage and our personal life. then he said he wanted to get to know her. she had no idea i knew. she was hiding it from me and talking to him while i was another room. this was the end of their chats on fb. he gave her his cell number and would be left in the dark. to make matters worse i was to leave for a week a day after they stopped talking on fb. i knew they were texting, she had her volume turned off on her phone and it was always on her. so the night before i left, i was packing my bags and she came in and was talking to me and i decided to confront her about it. of course she got defensive and told me i was crazy. so i asked her if she was really going to lie to my face, again she denied. so i told her how and what i knew. her face turned white and i thought she was going to pass out. i made it perfectly clear to her that she would lose her family if she continued. her conversations with him were headed in a bad direction and needed to stop. she said it was over and i made sure she sent him a message saying so. the next day i left, sure that i could trust the woman i loved so much that it was over. later that night when i talked to her i asked if she talked to him. she said he text her asking how she was and that was it. i believed her. the week went by fast and ireturned home to what seemed like a normal marriage. nothing seemed out of place, she didnt seem like she was hiding anything. a week or so goes by, nothing. i was feeling pretty good, my emotions subsided and life great. then, and i dont even know what it was, but something seemed funny. she went out with her friends and i was home with the kids. i decided to check our phone bill and was smacked right in the face. in a 2 day period there were 190 text messages to this number i didnt know. i called her and asked her about it and she confirmed it was him so i went back through the bill and realized they never stopped talking. there was over 2000 texts from sept. 24 to oct 10. she said they were just friends talking about kids and relationship advice. i knew different but could not prove it. that day came when she left her phone at home when she went to work. i knew she would have deleted everything but i checked anyways. her phone actually keeps a history and i was able to see some of the texts, just parts andthey were talking about having sex and what he wanted to do to her and she said she wanted to have sex with him but couldnt justify cheating on me. while i was looking at the bill i realized he had sent pics. she said they were of his kids. i knew the werent and eventually she confessed what they really were. and yes it was his d^*#. she said she didnt want the pics but i cant believe that. i cant believe anything she tells me anymore. i dont know what to do, i guess thats why i am here. i need advice. pleae help!! Bro, don't save this marriage. It's not worth it. She is going to cheat on you (if she hasn't already) POINT BLANK. And if she falls for someone who really charms her socks off, she'll be leaving you for that new "someone". If she's dying for someone else, let her have him. Leave her, get joint custody of your kids, get your finances in order. Also record and document everything you can about these texts so that she can't get alimony from a judge. Protect your money. If you have to "save" your marriage so to speak, then it's not worth keeping. You'll find a better woman in the future, trust me. But don't even give any effort to her. She's not worth it. Love yourself first. This woman is not worth going nuts over.
robf1971 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I am so sorry for what you are going through. Remember this saying: No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You threatened her and she continued contacting him and lying to your face. My guess is that she has been continuing this disrespectful behavior because she knew she could get away with it and even if you found out you would do nothing which is exactly what you did. Do you think if she knew that you would have automatically divorced her if she was engaged in any type of cheating that she would have gone done this path? I doubt it. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have been so accepting as you have been? Even after being caught she continued to humiliate and disrespect you and your marriage. You threatened her and it meant nothing to her. I would suggest that it is time for some shock and awe. Tell her you will be contacting a lawyer to understand your options. It is up to her to try to win you back. If you plan to try to recover I would insist on a post-nuptial agreement. This is very bad news for you since she has lost all credibility and you will never know if she is constantly lying to you now and in the future. You may wish to seriously consider moving on. Finally, if the OM has a wife or girlfriend then you need to expose this affair to them. In addition, contact the Chiropractor Board in your state and file a complaint against him. It is highly unethical what he is doing. One more time: NO CONSEQUENCES TO HER ACTIONS EQUALS NO MOTIVATION TO CHANGE. She continues to disrespect you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck. This times 10, Doing what feels wrong in this situation is your best chance. Expose this Chiropacter to his wife and to his institution, do not feel bad about this , he didn't feel bad shtupping your wife. Let him lose his job over this. Not your problem, Then pack her stuff in boxes, print out her facebook messages, stick them on the boxes. Tell her she can come back for her stuff if she wants but they will be put out for the garbage collection if she doesn't within 2 weeks. Say nothing, lawyer up, file for a 50/50 childcare agreement and divorce, drop her like a bad habit, reply to none of her communications unless they are about the kids. Stand up for yourself, show some bcakground, get back some self respect.
Spark1111 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Often exposing the affair has a very good chance of ending it. Moving for D can do so too. Do you love her? Would you reconcile with her if it is over? Start reading up on the addictive quality of affairs; it is less about the OP than the way that person makes them feel. The AP is filling some void or unmet need in the WS. Take some time to sort your feelings out and decide what you want to do after the affair is exposed. Please lay low and take the time to collect, print out, save the evidence. Cheaters will lie about continued contact and or deny and minimize unless confronted with hard evidence. Keep it in a safe place for future use, no matter what you decide to do.
Author thiscantbe Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 the day i found out what they were talking about, i called the om. i really didnt want to hear his excuses or his bs. i told him i wanted him to tell his wife and after he did that he was to have her call me confirming that he did. i told him that i would not only ruin his marriage i would destroy his career. well, about an hour after i talked to him his wife called. she had no clue! i did seem to get some sort of satisfaction from this and after the advice from brian i have begun the process of filing a complaint. as for my marriage, well thats still up in the air. i can honestly say i have come to the right place for advice. thanks everyone! 1
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 the day i found out what they were talking about, i called the om. i really didnt want to hear his excuses or his bs. i told him i wanted him to tell his wife and after he did that he was to have her call me confirming that he did. i told him that i would not only ruin his marriage i would destroy his career. well, about an hour after i talked to him his wife called. she had no clue! i did seem to get some sort of satisfaction from this and after the advice from brian i have begun the process of filing a complaint. as for my marriage, well thats still up in the air. i can honestly say i have come to the right place for advice. thanks everyone! I believe you need to drag your wife into marriage counseling! I think that may be the only way you two get to have an honest discussion about where your marriage is headed and how to fix things. I mean this will NOT be the only time... there is clearly something wrong. You exposed this and she just lied and kept going even though she KNEW that you would find out. That means her addiction to this guy was stronger than the fear of losing you. This absolutely does not happen when a woman loves you. How do you plan to get your wife to fall in love with you again?
TigerCub Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 the day i found out what they were talking about, i called the om. i really didnt want to hear his excuses or his bs. i told him i wanted him to tell his wife and after he did that he was to have her call me confirming that he did. i told him that i would not only ruin his marriage i would destroy his career. well, about an hour after i talked to him his wife called. she had no clue! i did seem to get some sort of satisfaction from this and after the advice from brian i have begun the process of filing a complaint. as for my marriage, well thats still up in the air. i can honestly say i have come to the right place for advice. thanks everyone! uhm, just a question - how do you know you were actually speaking to his wife? It was over the phone, do you think he really went and told her and she was in any condition to call you back and all that happened within an hour?!? I would actually be quite skeptical about that - cheaters know they have too much to lose, I'm sure he would have gotten a friend of his to just call and put on a show. I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to make things worse here, but I find it weird that he told her within the hour AND she was in any condition to talk to you. Also, stick to your guns with your wife - nothing says doormat quite like empty threats. If you tell her what the consequences are - be sure to follow through. I am really sorry you're going through all this, and I hope you stand up for yourself in all this.
Lemon Drop Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I am disgusted with the ethics of this chiropractor. And of course, he is going to be worried about losing his wife and his career... he should have thought about that before he sent pictures of his d*$k to his patient, your wife. He probably has been doing this with his staff and other patients too. Not to blame him, but your wife is NOT to be trusted. She should have ended it the day you caught her and because she didn't, she needs to go and you need to find someone trustworthy. Sorry.
silvermercy Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Same thing here, I had the same response as the other posters when I read that part about his wife calling you. I'm 99.99& sure that this wasn't his wife calling (no, scratch that, I'd make that 100% actually). How can this happen within the hour? And why wasn't she totally berserk or extremely unable to talk within such a short time? Also why would she even volunteer to call you so soon??? And did she really ask for a LOT of details of your version or not? Because they usually do that, and sometimes ask to call/meet you in person to discuss things in great detail. I remember reading a similar thread long ago where the poor man was duped that he was speaking to the OM's wife. What made him suspicious initially was the relative calmness of OM's wife on the phone and that his own cheating wife was also calm initially. But he didn't pay much attention and all hell broke loose later, with the wife shouting and threatening him, when the truth was revealed. You could have asked to meet her of course, but, again, no proof he won't send a female friend or relative in her place. These people are masters of lying, manipulation and deception anyway.
Author thiscantbe Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 when his wife called me, she was upset and she did ask for details. in fact she had me read word for word what they talked about and she wanted me to text her if i found out anything more. so she did give me her number and we did exchange texts. i don't know, i don't know what to believe anymore.
jnj express Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 If I read you right, you have gone to the state medical licensing board---he was told not to continue to contact her, and he violated that---he needs to have his license yanked What about your wife---how is she handling this----do you want to R., or are you leaning toward D What was the reasoning your wife needed to give her heart to this scum dr.----are there problems with the mge, that caused this If you do, decide to stay in the mge---you set all the boundaries, make sure she knows the consequences for violating the boundaries, will bring about D., make sure she knows there is now zero tolerance in re: anything she does, that is contrary to the best interests of the mge. Make her sign a POST--NUP----make sure all methods of her contacting anyone are completely available to you at all times, and make sure she knows from now on everything is played out by your rules---she gets no say, or discussion----her alternative, is to leave, and start living as a single, as she was trying to do with her scum Dr.
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