New Poster, Sticky Situation

[His Sweet One]

Hi All.

 

I don't even know why I am here really, except that I have no where else to go. I'm not seeking justification for my behaviour nor clarity with regards to his behaviour, we are both so wrong. But there's not one soul I can talk to, no one for me to turn to. And I feel so lost.

 

I suppose, really, I should introduce myself as the OW. It's not a circumstance I thought I would ever face. In fact, having seen the destruction it has caused to people I love in the past, I always believed I could never do the things I have now done.

 

Naturally, it began in my working environment. I run a small business in an area where there are several similar businesses. Rather than viewing the other businesses around us as competition, we have a very neighbourly attitude. Often we borrow the proverbial cup of sugar, and as such, close friendships have formed amongst us.

 

Around 18 months ago, one of the neighbouring businesses took on a new employee. Immediately I found the new employee attractive, and before we ever spoke, looks would pass between us.

 

Around 4 months into his contract, I discovered he was a MM. With a young son. This was about the time we first spoke. Knowing the intensity of our mutual attraction, I found myself very offish with him, in attempt to avoid things becoming difficult. Perhaps if I was obnoxious then I would be less attractive to him.

 

On one visit for that proverbial cup of sugar, things changed drastically and suddenly. I hardly even know how it began. Through his conversation with hs co-worker, I discovered much about his relationship with his wife, including her insistence on having a child very early on (they married far too young), and that once their son was born, any physical contact became extremely infrequent, excepting her violence towards him.

 

On another visit, he asked me outright why I was such a b*tch to him. I softened, we began talking, and friendship ensued.

 

Within a few short days, it became apparent that the attraction was more than sexual, and entirely mutual. Contact became frequent, at every opportunity. On so many occasions we agreed to meet, and then one or the other of us would back out, knowing that the risks and stakes were so high.

 

For weeks, we talked openly and honestly, and somehow managed to keep apart physically. But emotionally, we were already connected.

 

They are currently in MC, mainly for the sake of their son, to see if there is anything left to be saved. During their first joint session, both MM and the wife agreed on some terms which were necessary to the survival of the marriage. He has fulfilled her terms. His terms remain unfulfilled. He is quite clear that this is all for the boy's sake. From information given to me by others (unaware of our predicament) I know this to be true. He cares for his wife, but no longer loves or desires her.

 

Having already fallen in love, we lost control, and earlier this week, we met and made love. We were so intimate. So close. We were slow, tender, we talked softly while we made love. It was perfect in every way. Afterwards, not wanting to get into any kind of serious discussion of our feelings, I remained quiet on the matter, talking of other things. During my inane chatter he grabbed my hand and began to cry, admitting his feelings. I still remained silent about it.

 

Since then, we have ceased any communication. He is dealing with the guilt, as he has never been in any way intimate with another woman since they met, and he is concerned for his son. I want him to have the chance to know his own mind without me around. They have another joint session on Tuesday. He has given me no indication that he will leave her, though I have come to know he has made plans should it occur. He has money hidden away, a place to go. I think he is searching for the courage.

 

I saw him yesterday, several times and briefly. During conversation with a mutual friend, he came over, stood next to us, and looked at me for the longest time. I pretended not to see. I didn't acknowledge him at all. It was so painful to do that. Later on, the proverbial cup of sugar arose again, and I was in conversation with his co-worker, who was looking the other way. MM was looking at me then and with tears in his eyes. He looked so desperate, so lost.

 

We will see each other Monday, at work. Until then I am at a loss. I never wanted this. We have both said we should have met before, before he married the wrong woman, before he had a child with her. I am trying to stay away, so is he. But we tried that before and we ended up on his living room floor. I'm terrified.

 

This was his weekend off of work. During my cigarette break, his wife had some errands to run in town and stopped by. Somehow we ended up in conversation. It was idle chatter, but I had to be so cautious, because I already knew some things about her that she mentioned today.

 

As the OW, it's not my place to like her. I know that. I know I am biased, but she is not the kind of person I would like in any normal circumstance either. She seemed to really like me though. And that scares me too. Even stood there talking to her, all I could think about was being with her husband.

 

As I said before, I don't really know why I am here. I don't know why I am sharing my story when anyone here will have problems of their own. But I didn't know where to go.

[whichwayisup]

You only know stuff about her from what a gossipy co worker told you.. And you've judged her from only hearing one side of things.

 

Fact is, he IS married and that's not going to change.

 

You don't have to like his wife, you could have walked away quickly, said you were busy or had to rush somewhere, be pleasent and walk away, but no, you chose to talk to her for a while.. Does this make you see her as a real human being? Not a nameless, faceless woman whom you are having an affair with her husband?

 

Anyway, I hope you walk away. This man isn't yours, he's married with a young child. He seems to be fooling you and himself, and his wife.. It could very well be all he is looking for IS just an affair.. Are you willing to accept that and settle to just fill in when necessary on his terms and time frame?

[sp2007]

I don't think he's looking for an affair. I think he's unhappily married with a small child. He's in counseling trying to figure out what to do. I think your connection is real, but the timing is absolutely horrible. He needs to figure out what to do. My best advice to you is to step back while you still can, before you are in so deep that it's a battle to fight your way out. Read my thread.

 

This will be very hard for you, but trust me that it will get even harder if you continue to engage with him. I'm not saying you have to cut off contact entirely, but you do need to think about appropriate boundaries. It would be very easy to move this from a PA to an EA, especially given his emotional neediness at the moment, and the consequences of that are no less trivial. You need to guard your heart.

 

Big hugs to you.

[His Sweet One]

@ WWIU I didn't expect to not be judged, which I suppose is a good thing really, considering.

 

In some ways you could be right, I don't know how he behaves towards her when they are alone.

 

On more than one occasion, her violence towards him has been witnessed by at least several others, inclusive of her son.

 

The gossipy co-worker (your assumption, as I didn't mention who it was) who told me about her was in fact several people. His boss, who has witnessed her behaviour on almost a daily basis, a mutual friend of theirs, and his co-workers as a collective who have also seen her behaviour first hand.

 

As for walking away when she spoke to me, she said hello across the carpark and I replied, she then came onto my premises. Leaving my own premises would have been a little difficult to explain.

 

It appears that you've judged me from only hearing one side of things, and that's your right, I've put my personal life on a public forum where I am bound to be judged by others... but it is a little hypocritical to accuse me of being judgemental when you yourself have done the same.

 

As I said, I'm trying to stay away. I came looking for the support this forum claims to offer to help me in doing so, as I have no one to talk to. Perhaps WWIU, I came to the wrong place?

 

@SP2007 Thank you, I'm trying but it hurts. I'm avoiding even eye contact with him unless it's necessary. I never imagined I could end up here.

Edited October 29, 2011 by His Sweet One

[Minnie09]

What I find really odd here is how fast you fell for this guy.

I mean, you had sex, but didn't really get to know each other over a longer period of time. To me, that's nothing more than a ONS so far. Sure, we don't know how it will develop, and it may very well develop into an A, but right now all I see is two people being superficially attracted to each other. There's not much of a history, no substance, and yet you get so excited about it. Doesn't seem healthy to me. It's too little to get all excited about it. He cried in your arms after sex.....hmmmmmm that also seems a little bit over the top for me. I don't know, he doesn't seem very stable, too trusting and weak, OR he's playing you big time.

 

Don't place too much emphasis on what random people tell you about his M and W. Who cares whether or not they got married young and whether or not SHE wanted children too soon. That's irrelevant to your situation. The kid is his, too, and always will be, it was a mutual decision, and it will be his responsibility forever. What do you think is it that he wants from you?

 

Beware. He might be one of those guys who like cake eating. At this point, you shouldn't believe anything he tells you about his wife and how he doesn't love/want/desire her, neither should you believe your co-worker whenever she gossips. The W may have sensed something already, btw, or she might have heard it through the grapevine, hence her trying to get your attention.

 

I think this can't be called an A yet. And if it should turn into one, it's not going to get any easier. You'll have to face a lot of drama. Be prepared or cut your losses now!

[Minnie09]

While there is no excuse for violence, the reason why the W acts violently may be that she's suffering in the R. He may have been cheating on her before, she may be feeling helpless, she may have trust issues etc. I'm not trying to defend anybody here, I'm just trying to look at the situation from a different angle and find possible explanations. The W has no "lobby" right now. All we/you hear and see is your pov, and what the people tell you that are his circle of friends/co-workers. You should keep that in mind, just to be fair.

[His Sweet One]

Thanks for your thoughts Minnie. I'll disregard the first part as you clearly missed my mentioning in my first post that we had been talking for quite a while beforehand.

 

And the same for my co-worker doing all the gossiping, as I said before in response to a previous reply, her behaviour and the ins and outs of their M has been made quite public, by the W herself.

 

As for the W sensing something, it crossed my mind several times today, but it's not the first time she's attempted conversation with me, usually she catches me on the dash to my store rooms and I can't stop, but she approached me during a cigarette break.

[sp2007]

Oh, don't I know. It will get better. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

 

I can't really comment on the motivations of people on the forums as I'm relatively new myself. However, I will say this...

 

Some people will tell you that a drowning person clings to whomever they can to stay afloat. I think it's just their way of trying to get you to see things in a different way so you'll step back. I find that approach just makes you feel crappy and further erodes your self esteem, which in turn, makes it more likely that you'll stay engaged and accept things -- because you feel sorry for him and his situation -- that you really should not.

 

I think it's better to try to focus on setting up some boundaries and limiting the nature of your relationship instead. This isn't about whether the feelings are real. It's about doing what you need to do to protect yourself.

[His Sweet One]

In response to your second Minnie, I do and will continue to keep it in mind. As I've said, this isn't a situation I intended on being in, and not one I intend to continue being in.

 

I am emotionally attached, and it's that which I'm trying to deal with.

[His Sweet One]

SP2007 I agree, this is his marriage, his wife, his child, these things are his responsibilities. I am not his responsibility, and I know he is not my responsibility. He has to deal with his own issues.

 

As for protecting myself, I don't speak to him, I make sure we are never alone, eye contact is minimal, and where first response would be to talk to him about it, I've come here.

 

Doesn't make it easy though.

[Gentlegirl]

Yes, you are on a public forum. You will get all kinds of opinions and posters here. Some will be kind and others not so kind. Be prepared.

Nobody has judged you as yet. That's not why most of us come here at all. We need to talk things through and usually in an A it is difficult to find somebody in our social or family cirlces.

 

You said you are in a sticky situation. I would agree with that. I think this young man probably married too early, is feeling trapped and unhappy and is looking for something new and fresh.... YOU just happened to be there and available.

 

YOu have been drawn into somebody else's messy marriage and you obviously provide the outlet that he needs at the moment.

 

It would be a good idea if you can extricate yourself as quickly as possible The chances of him leaving are very slim. The longer you stay and the more involved you become... the pain multiplies exponentially. Especially at the end of the A.

 

YOu don't know what a marriage is like unless you are living it. It matters not what people say about the W or what he says actually. MM will tell you anything to gain the sympathy vote. Read older posts here a lot and you will read similar stories.

 

If you keep seeing this man, it will get stickier and stickier. YOu will be his outlet , he will use you to fill in the empty space in his life. You will be his convenience.

 

It's not a nice thing to be... that's what I was for 3 years and it's very addictive but at the same time destructive. There's a fairly recent post whcih discusses if you would have an A again. That's very revealing.

 

If anybody had told me to run like blazes away from xMM I probably would have still done what I have done. YOU have a choice and lots of good advice coming from here.

 

Keep posting and talking it through,

 

GG

[woinlove]

If he mentions the physical abuse to you directly (rather than hearing it through a third party) I think you should suggest he report it to authorities. One should not tolerate abuse and it could be a dangerous situation for the son.

 

As for you hearing from his coworker about his sex life with his W, that suggests a level of immaturity, first for him to discuss that with a coworker and then for the coworker to discuss it with you. This man may have his own problems. Sounds like you are trying to distance yourself, which I think is good. I think when MM move so suddenly with the inappropriately intimate and personal information, it can be a red flag that they have issues and may be using you as a stopgap for those issues, when really they need therapy, self-reflection, a shakeup in their values, or something else.

[His Sweet One]

Thanks GG, I'm working my way through some other threads in the forum. It's actually helpful hearing different voices with differing opinions. And it's oddly comforting to know I'm not alone. You say you 'were'. I hope you came out the other side ok.

 

Woinlove, he has talked a little about the violence with me, and my first response was that he should seek professional help with it. I don't know the outcome of that, as it was just before we broke contact. As for the rest, I hadn't considered these things prior to tonight, and it's definitely something I will keep foremost in my mind.

[Silly_Girl]

I think your connection is real, but the timing is absolutely horrible.

 

I think this sums up a good proportion of the situations posters here are experiencing when they are seeking support. Good phrasing.

[Gentlegirl]

Thanks GG, I'm working my way through some other threads in the forum. It's actually helpful hearing different voices with differing opinions. And it's oddly comforting to know I'm not alone. You say you 'were'. I hope you came out the other side ok.

 

Woinlove, he has talked a little about the violence with me, and my first response was that he should seek professional help with it. I don't know the outcome of that, as it was just before we broke contact. As for the rest, I hadn't considered these things prior to tonight, and it's definitely something I will keep foremost in my mind.

 

10.5 months NC, the emtoional damage has been long term as the A was so long.

 

However, moving straight ahead and looking forward to a time when xMM is only somebody I used to know. It will happen.

 

GG

[whichwayisup]

@ WWIU I didn't expect to not be judged, which I suppose is a good thing really, considering.

 

I wasn't judging you. I just gave my opinion, and some advice, that's all.

Trust me, if I was judging you, others on here would be jumping on me immediately!

 

The gossipy co-worker (your assumption, as I didn't mention who it was) who told me about her was in fact several people. His boss, who has witnessed her behaviour on almost a daily basis, a mutual friend of theirs, and his co-workers as a collective who have also seen her behaviour first hand.

Actually you did say it was the co worker..So I didn't make that up or assume anything.

 

Through his conversation with hs co-worker, I discovered much about his relationship with his wife, including her insistence on having a child very early on (they married far too young), and that once their son was born, any physical contact became extremely infrequent, excepting her violence towards him.

 

 

It appears that you've judged me from only hearing one side of things, and that's your right, I've put my personal life on a public forum where I am bound to be judged by others... but it is a little hypocritical to accuse me of being judgemental when you yourself have done the same.

 

I haven't judged you, or named called .. I just called you out on the MM and the co worker, what you know vs what goes on behind closed doors. You aren't a fly on the wall at his home, so you really don't know.

 

As I said, I'm trying to stay away. I came looking for the support this forum claims to offer to help me in doing so, as I have no one to talk to. Perhaps WWIU, I came to the wrong place?

 

You'll get all kinds of advice and support on here. Some will be harsh but respectful, some will be hand holding and coddling.. Some may be rude.. I don't think anything I said was rude or mean. Harsh yes, but not mean or judgemental.

[Minnie09]

Other than him being married with a young child and actively pursuing you on the side, what really bothers me about him is his willngness to share intimate information about his personal business not only with you, OP, but also random coworkers etc. That's a character flaw and shows a lot of disrespect from him towards his W. You don't badmouth your SO to others, it's as simple as that. If he has problems, he should deal with them, without dragging other people into it. Kudos for him going to MC, but with an A on the side, that's probably not going to work, either.

 

I'm assuming you're single, and thus free to enter a R/A with whoever you choose to. I am a firm believer that in situations like that only the MP is to be held responsible, even though I know that other people may have a completely different approach to that. In my opinion, the fact that he's married is all that counts. You're not married to her, so you're free to do whatever. BUT: The way you describe him and what he does and how much he's willing to share is a warning sign. He is bad news. You should cut your losses. I don't think he's good R material, and you, not him will be the one who ends up suffering. I hope you won't, but look at him. Does his behavior give you any indication that he will divorce, that he treats women with respect, that he's honest and truthful? I would be very careful.

Edited October 29, 2011 by Minnie09

[Tenacity]

As GG said, you will get lots of opinions here. We have all been there and done that, from one perspective or another (or even more than one perspective in some cases). I don't see where anyone has judged you yet. You may have received some info that you didn't like. Take what helps and ignore what might be irrelevant, but don't ignore advice just because you don't want to hear it. Be open to it.

 

What you need to do is let this man deal with his marriage BEFORE you proceed any further. I will be surprised if he leaves his marriage. As to what you have heard/been told by various third parties, take it with a grain of salt. You have no idea what has really gone on.

 

I speak from the experience of a very long-term (many years) A with a MM, who eventually left his W and became engaged to me, filed for divorce, then returned to her. And whom I had a child with who was born prematurely and died. Believe me, I have heard and experienced it all. The pain is still vivid and acute, even after years, and I am STILL dealing with disentangling myself from this man's life because he still wants to keep me on a string. I don't have words adequate to describe the pain I have gone through because of the decision to have an affair with a married man.

 

I thought I was the exception. I believed everything I was told. I do know that he believed it too, for the first couple of years. But in the end, he couldn't leave his family.

 

Your MM has a child with his W. It doesn't matter if he married too early, if she 'forced' him to ejaculate inside of her without using a condom so that she got pregnant before he was ready to have a child. He made a big boy decision. He HAS a child, and he's married to the mother of that child. Do NOT underestimate the importance of those facts.

 

If he wants out of his marriage, then he needs to get a divorce. Nothing else will do. It's really not that complicated to get a divorce, if one really wants to. It's no cakewalk, but if one WANTS to, then one just pushes forward and does it.

 

That's what I did. Despite decades of marriage, three kids, two careers with incomes totaling in the seven figures, and a lot of mutually-owned properties, I was divorced within 60 days of initiating it. If a state has a waiting period, then you can still get ducks in a row and paperwork done so that it can be final one minute after the waiting period is up. It's just not that complicated IF the person truly wants a divorce.

 

If the person does not proceed towards a divorce immediately, then take my advice and run, don't walk. Unless you want a lot more pain in a couple of years. Don't do what I did.

Edited October 29, 2011 by Tenacity

[chalkfarm]

It seems that the best thing to do is to have no contact with him. That doesn't mean you should be cruel or hurtful just keep the distance.

 

If you haven't talked about this together, perhaps you should. The conversation can be simple and frank with no emotions. "Listen John, you and I can't have contact with each other anymore. I don't think it is healthy for either of us. And it certainly isn't good for your marriage. I wish you well." The end.

 

You really are in a crappy situation. Affairs are crappy. The longer one is an OW the more self esteem is eroded, joy is crushed, and hope is completely snuffed out.

 

You have the chance to save yourself! Be strong and have courage. Pull away. I promise that you will regret more the involvement with the MM than the pulling away. I absolutely, 100%, hand on my heart swear!

[chalkfarm]

 

I speak from the experience of a very long-term (many years) A with a MM, who eventually left his W and became engaged to me, filed for divorce, then returned to her. And whom I had a child with who was born prematurely and died. Believe me, I have heard and experienced it all. The pain is still vivid and acute, even after years, and I am STILL dealing with disentangling myself from this man's life because he still wants to keep me on a string. I don't have words adequate to describe the pain I have gone through because of the decision to have an affair with a married man.

 

I thought I was the exception. I believed everything I was told.

 

Oh Ten..... I know your story and then I read it all in one little paragraph and I just cry for you.... Sometimes I can't wrap my brain around all the pain. It is so enormous, so consuming. It is a tome. And yet it fits into a couple of hundred words in a single paragraph. We are worth so much more.

[Tenacity]

Oh Ten..... I know your story and then I read it all in one little paragraph and I just cry for you.... Sometimes I can't wrap my brain around all the pain. It is so enormous, so consuming. It is a tome. And yet it fits into a couple of hundred words in a single paragraph. We are worth so much more.

 

Thank you chalkfarm. There are very few people who truly understand. I have read enough of your posts to know what you have been through too. I am so sorry.

 

I read your post a day or so ago about how you said the pain is absolute. It made me cry. I understand only too well.

 

I don't mean to get off topic here. To the original poster, please don't get involved in this. The potential pain is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

[norajane]

You should be interested in meeting a man who has a whole heart to give you, who can love you freely and openly, and who can welcome you into his life.

 

Why are you stuck on a guy who offers you nothing but a messy marriage with his wife that he is firmly mired in, deception and lies at every turn, and who can only sneak into your life for bits at a time?

 

That is a serious question. Yeah, he's got problems and it sure is nice for him to have your understanding open arms to help him take his mind off his troubles for a while. But what do YOU get out of this? Why are YOU willing to take on his drama? Why, in fact, are you so hell-bent on imagining yourself as his savior from his chosen life? Why are you willing to lurk on the sidelines, chat with his wife, and gossip about his marriage with all his co-workers?

 

Dude needs to man-up, for his child's sake, and stand on his own two feet and deal with his issues. Until he does that, he's not a man who can give you - or his son - diddly-squat. You said you wouldn't have imagined yourself in this situation - yet here you are. Why did you allow this to happen? Fix yourself, and stop worrying about fixing him. You are a distraction for him, not his savior.

Edited October 29, 2011 by norajane

[Lucky_One]

I am trying to stay away, so is he. But we tried that before and we ended up on his living room floor. I'm terrified.

 

On more than one occasion' date=' her violence towards him has been witnessed by at least several others, inclusive of her son.[/quote']

 

Two thoughts. If BS is violent and has been seen being violent on several occasions by different people, including their son, then you and he are more than foolish to have sex in his home. That is insane behavior. (I am not even getting into the fact that you invaded her home to have sex.)

 

And if BS is so violent and so unstable and if the child has seen this, then he is an irresponsible parent to leave his child in the company of his wife. He should immediately apply for emergency sole custody, and he and his son live separate and apart from BS. I really, really don't like parents who say that their spouse is a terrible, violent person, yet will leave a child in that parent's care.

[bentnotbroken]

Hi All.

 

I don't even know why I am here really, except that I have no where else to go. I'm not seeking justification for my behaviour nor clarity with regards to his behaviour, we are both so wrong. But there's not one soul I can talk to, no one for me to turn to. And I feel so lost.

 

I suppose, really, I should introduce myself as the OW. It's not a circumstance I thought I would ever face. In fact, having seen the destruction it has caused to people I love in the past, I always believed I could never do the things I have now done.

 

Naturally, it began in my working environment. I run a small business in an area where there are several similar businesses. Rather than viewing the other businesses around us as competition, we have a very neighbourly attitude. Often we borrow the proverbial cup of sugar, and as such, close friendships have formed amongst us.

 

Around 18 months ago, one of the neighbouring businesses took on a new employee. Immediately I found the new employee attractive, and before we ever spoke, looks would pass between us.

 

Around 4 months into his contract, I discovered he was a MM. With a young son. This was about the time we first spoke. Knowing the intensity of our mutual attraction, I found myself very offish with him, in attempt to avoid things becoming difficult. Perhaps if I was obnoxious then I would be less attractive to him.

 

On one visit for that proverbial cup of sugar, things changed drastically and suddenly. I hardly even know how it began. Through his conversation with hs co-worker, I discovered much about his relationship with his wife, including her insistence on having a child very early on (they married far too young), and that once their son was born, any physical contact became extremely infrequent, excepting her violence towards him.

 

On another visit, he asked me outright why I was such a b*tch to him. I softened, we began talking, and friendship ensued.

 

Within a few short days, it became apparent that the attraction was more than sexual, and entirely mutual. Contact became frequent, at every opportunity. On so many occasions we agreed to meet, and then one or the other of us would back out, knowing that the risks and stakes were so high.

 

For weeks, we talked openly and honestly, and somehow managed to keep apart physically. But emotionally, we were already connected.

 

They are currently in MC, mainly for the sake of their son, to see if there is anything left to be saved. During their first joint session, both MM and the wife agreed on some terms which were necessary to the survival of the marriage. He has fulfilled her terms. His terms remain unfulfilled. He is quite clear that this is all for the boy's sake. From information given to me by others (unaware of our predicament) I know this to be true. He cares for his wife, but no longer loves or desires her.

 

Having already fallen in love, we lost control, and earlier this week, we met and made love. We were so intimate. So close. We were slow, tender, we talked softly while we made love. It was perfect in every way. Afterwards, not wanting to get into any kind of serious discussion of our feelings, I remained quiet on the matter, talking of other things. During my inane chatter he grabbed my hand and began to cry, admitting his feelings. I still remained silent about it.

 

Since then, we have ceased any communication. He is dealing with the guilt, as he has never been in any way intimate with another woman since they met, and he is concerned for his son. I want him to have the chance to know his own mind without me around. They have another joint session on Tuesday. He has given me no indication that he will leave her, though I have come to know he has made plans should it occur. He has money hidden away, a place to go. I think he is searching for the courage.

 

I saw him yesterday, several times and briefly. During conversation with a mutual friend, he came over, stood next to us, and looked at me for the longest time. I pretended not to see. I didn't acknowledge him at all. It was so painful to do that. Later on, the proverbial cup of sugar arose again, and I was in conversation with his co-worker, who was looking the other way. MM was looking at me then and with tears in his eyes. He looked so desperate, so lost.

 

We will see each other Monday, at work. Until then I am at a loss. I never wanted this. We have both said we should have met before, before he married the wrong woman, before he had a child with her. I am trying to stay away, so is he. But we tried that before and we ended up on his living room floor. I'm terrified.

 

This was his weekend off of work. During my cigarette break, his wife had some errands to run in town and stopped by. Somehow we ended up in conversation. It was idle chatter, but I had to be so cautious, because I already knew some things about her that she mentioned today.

 

As the OW, it's not my place to like her. I know that. I know I am biased, but she is not the kind of person I would like in any normal circumstance either. She seemed to really like me though. And that scares me too. Even stood there talking to her, all I could think about was being with her husband.

 

As I said before, I don't really know why I am here. I don't know why I am sharing my story when anyone here will have problems of their own. But I didn't know where to go.

 

 

:eek:I don't know this BS, I know me and I have been in counseling for anger issues. If it were me, the bolded should have you more than terrified. This is beyond disrespectful of her home and her privacy. This would be enough for me to want to make sure that there is a new understanding about line crossing. If she is violent...you should be afraid if she finds this out. Simply messy on a whole different level.

[His Sweet One]

Before I make my replies, I ask in advance for forgiveness if anything I say may seem untoward, defensive, ignorant, or in any other way ill-put. After limited to no contact for almost a week, and having not seen MM for a couple of days, it's very much on my mind tonight that I will see him in the morning, I am extremely nervous and a little drunk.

 

Sadintexas, I agree completely that the MC has no worth whatsoever whilst he is having an A.

 

Lucky One, your opinion on what his moves should be with regards to care for his child considering the violence is one I share and have voiced repeatedly through our friendship, and several times since the friendship began to develop. It is something I believe he is working towards, though I have no confirmation of this.

 

At Lucky One and Bentnotbroken, not that it makes what I have done any better, we intended to meet at my home, which became unavailable (I am currently staying with family). And I know that this makes no actual difference either, but although it was in there shared home, it was in his living room and not hers. They live virtually separately under the same roof. Two living rooms for two people. And please don't think I believe this makes any difference. I still sh*gged her husband, in the house they both share with their son, I know whatever he or she has done within their relationship or out of it, I have no moral high ground on which to stand.

 

And at Frozensprouts, powerless no. Foolish, weak, easily led, I am guilty of these and more. I care about him, I want him, I enjoy his company and his conversation, the sex is perfect, we share a sense of humour, we look good together, feel good together on a physical level and connect with each other on mental and emotional levels, I miss his voice, his face, I miss him. If it wasn't all so damned wrong it would feel so right. It's a constant struggle, so far I'm winning, I hope and pray that I continue to do so. I just wish it wasn't so hard to not want what I want, if that translates at all.

 

Take a step back and look at from a different viewpoint? I can't. The only thing I can do to even get close to doing this is tell myself what I would tell any friend in the same situation. It's always harder to take your own advice. I'm working on that.