WoodsyGeek Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 So I've been seeing a girl for almost a year now, but we live about 1000 miles apart. We see each other monthly (generally about 4 days, but up to 2 weeks on vacation) and talk on the phone nightly. By my theory of LD relationships, that probably puts us more realistically about the 6-month stage. We both have some issues (don't we all?) but they clash most horribly around food. Briefly, I come from a long line of family where food was an expression of love. I'm fat and an emotional eater, but healthy, active and well-adjusted overall. I consider food the last "safe" adventure and find joy in creating new and exciting meals for those I love. She comes from a background of poverty and falling victim to her mother's anorexia... whether due to a genuine lack of resources or a transference of issues, she spent much of her childhood hungry. She bouncced from that into self-indulgent over-eating for years, and is now seeking a healthier path. She's since lost a good deal of weight (but would be no one's definition of slim) through healthier eating. Today she's still fat, but doesn't often engage in self-hatred over it. She alternately considers eating a happy part of warm celebrations with her chosen family, an indulgence to enjoy with child-like fervour, or most often, a stressful but necessary chore for survival. The result of combining these polarised attitudes toward food is uncomfortable and often explosive. For a while she insisted on trying to control my food intake, which got my back up. When I've offered to cook, she's told me what to make and that I'm making it wrong, until I give up. I do enjoy her cooking, but her schedule is busier than mine and she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be stuck doing all the cooking. Currently all this means that I'm buying a lot of dinners out. That goes over a lot better, but it's starting to wear on my pocketbook. This morning my offer to make breakfast lead to 2 hours of fighting, and no breakfast. I'm at my wit's end with this. Has anyone out there found a path through food issues to a working relationship? She's an awesome girl, a great fit in countless other ways. We do love each other, but we're both tired of fighting over food. Help? Thanks in advance...
january2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Sit down with her and lay it all out. She doesn't want to do all the cooking and you can't afford to pay for meals out all the time. Since you have to do some of the cooking, she's going to have to swallow her criticism unless the food is unsafe to eat. And you might have to swallow your pride if she does make an appropriate comment about your culinary skills. If she can't compromise and you won't swallow your pride then she's going to have to do all the cooking because there's a limit to your pocket. Another alternative is to cook together. Share the prep. And play nice.
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