pd8mxq Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Hello all, Been ten months since the breakup of a 8 years relationship. Feeling particularly low today so I thought I would post here again. Situation is we brokeup last year before christams and its been 10 months. He met someone new for 8 months now and due to work reason, I might have to leave the country and he knows about it. He sent me an email the other day after finding out. Here it goes ' Hello, What is my life like today? Great at times, ok most of the times, terrible at other times. Would I ever come back to you if I ever felt that it was the right thing to do? Of course I would; why would I not? I would be ashamed but I would. Is this ever going to happen? I really don't know. Would I not because of what other people would think? It would be hard of course but I would still go for what is right. Is it right for me to say this? Absolutely not. Can I say honestly this day will never happen? I have not managed to say it so it must mean that this could happen. What are the chances? I cannot tell, maybe non existent, I ask myself, I cannot answer. Being with someone else is helping me contrarily to what you may believe. Why? Because this will either make me realise that I was wrong to leave you because at the end of the day, a relationship is a relationship and the grass may not be greener on the other side. Or this will show me that the grass is either greener and that my life is more balanced and more in tune with what my life expectations were. I am not able to answer this to this day, either or. Why? Because the last 10 months feel like 10 weeks in my head. All I know is that I have not forgotten you; that I still have not managed to be able to think about our life together without missing it. I therefore rely on time to make me realise that if I manage to be fully happy without us; than it was the right decision; when I come to this then I will know it was the right decision and that's it. I also tell myself that if indeed the person I need in my life forever was you; like I always thought until our relationship fell apart for me; than rather than disappear, the feeling will stay and grow stronger until whatever I have built in my life from the day I left become meaningless in comparison and crumbles by itself. This would be the day I come with tears in my eyes knocking on your door. The risk is that this never happens and I carry on drifting apart from the 'us' with or without my current partner. I am no fool; even if things are great with someone after 9 months; the risk of it turning to nothing is very real and present; a young relationship is easy to maintain; it is when it starts to mature then the cracks can easily start to show. Time again will tell. I am not naive. The other risk is that you will move on and I will have realised too late. Even if you think that is cannot be; let me tell you; it is extremely likely. I would have to assume my decision, kick myself for a very long time and move on. This is life. All this sounds very stupid but I was so lost at some point that I had to do something; I had to make the hardest decision I had to ever make; the one decision that would change both our lives forever. I take full responsibility of my action. I feel guilty for having ruined the life of a beautiful person like you. But you will be ok; everyone is ok after a while. It just takes a lot of time. I might be the fool who ends up with nothing and no one. That day, please feel free to laugh at me and think thank God I left you as I was a freak who did not know what he had and wanted in his life. Some people are like this; always wondering which way to go; always thinking they can stop and start until maybe they realise that they just can't enjoy life for what it is. Maybe I am one of those people; maybe I will never be happy; maybe I am not able to understand what life is about. I am sorry that I made you suffer but this is maybe because I am just not able to love properly. Life is what it is at the moment; this will not change tomorrow or the day after. It may never change. please look after yourself; forget me because even if in 6 months; 2 years or 10 years I wake up; this probably means I did not deserve you. It is time to give me the fingers; it is time for you to be the one who says: Harry; get lost. It is when you can say this that you will feel stronger; it is when you say this that you will see me in a different way; it is when you say this that you will have got over me. It is hard to say goodbye so I will say no more, Thank you for everything.' I am very sad today and dont know what I would make of this...hope to get some support and help. Thanks
Author pd8mxq Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Basically I am thinking of leaving is because I feel very sad here. Everywhere I go I see him... Its been better than the beginning but today is low.
Mary-Jane Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Well, he's with someone else anyway but probably doesn't want to close the door on you if things go wrong for him. The self-absorbed Harry's right though, you should tell him to get lost
Milsch Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Hello all, Been ten months since the breakup of a 8 years relationship. Feeling particularly low today so I thought I would post here again. Situation is we brokeup last year before christams and its been 10 months. He met someone new for 8 months now and due to work reason, I might have to leave the country and he knows about it. He sent me an email the other day after finding out. Here it goes ' Hello, What is my life like today? Great at times, ok most of the times, terrible at other times. Would I ever come back to you if I ever felt that it was the right thing to do? Of course I would; why would I not? I would be ashamed but I would. Is this ever going to happen? I really don't know. Would I not because of what other people would think? It would be hard of course but I would still go for what is right. Is it right for me to say this? Absolutely not. Can I say honestly this day will never happen? I have not managed to say it so it must mean that this could happen. What are the chances? I cannot tell, maybe non existent, I ask myself, I cannot answer. Being with someone else is helping me contrarily to what you may believe. Why? Because this will either make me realise that I was wrong to leave you because at the end of the day, a relationship is a relationship and the grass may not be greener on the other side. Or this will show me that the grass is either greener and that my life is more balanced and more in tune with what my life expectations were. I am not able to answer this to this day, either or. Why? Because the last 10 months feel like 10 weeks in my head. All I know is that I have not forgotten you; that I still have not managed to be able to think about our life together without missing it. I therefore rely on time to make me realise that if I manage to be fully happy without us; than it was the right decision; when I come to this then I will know it was the right decision and that's it. I also tell myself that if indeed the person I need in my life forever was you; like I always thought until our relationship fell apart for me; than rather than disappear, the feeling will stay and grow stronger until whatever I have built in my life from the day I left become meaningless in comparison and crumbles by itself. This would be the day I come with tears in my eyes knocking on your door. The risk is that this never happens and I carry on drifting apart from the 'us' with or without my current partner. I am no fool; even if things are great with someone after 9 months; the risk of it turning to nothing is very real and present; a young relationship is easy to maintain; it is when it starts to mature then the cracks can easily start to show. Time again will tell. I am not naive. The other risk is that you will move on and I will have realised too late. Even if you think that is cannot be; let me tell you; it is extremely likely. I would have to assume my decision, kick myself for a very long time and move on. This is life. All this sounds very stupid but I was so lost at some point that I had to do something; I had to make the hardest decision I had to ever make; the one decision that would change both our lives forever. I take full responsibility of my action. I feel guilty for having ruined the life of a beautiful person like you. But you will be ok; everyone is ok after a while. It just takes a lot of time. I might be the fool who ends up with nothing and no one. That day, please feel free to laugh at me and think thank God I left you as I was a freak who did not know what he had and wanted in his life. Some people are like this; always wondering which way to go; always thinking they can stop and start until maybe they realise that they just can't enjoy life for what it is. Maybe I am one of those people; maybe I will never be happy; maybe I am not able to understand what life is about. I am sorry that I made you suffer but this is maybe because I am just not able to love properly. Life is what it is at the moment; this will not change tomorrow or the day after. It may never change. please look after yourself; forget me because even if in 6 months; 2 years or 10 years I wake up; this probably means I did not deserve you. It is time to give me the fingers; it is time for you to be the one who says: Harry; get lost. It is when you can say this that you will feel stronger; it is when you say this that you will see me in a different way; it is when you say this that you will have got over me. It is hard to say goodbye so I will say no more, Thank you for everything.' I am very sad today and dont know what I would make of this...hope to get some support and help. Thanks Apart from some truly atrocious semi-colon use, this is a pile of self-absorbed crap. And the sad thing? I recognise myself in there. About one year ago I broke up with a girlfriend of three years and thought a lot of those very things (although I didn't quite lower myself to send her an email pouring my heart out like that). I did keep her as a friend though and it has done a lot of damage; it ruined a subsequent relationship with a woman who I did actually love and it has also kept the hope alive for my ex. I feel guilty about that, but now we are friends I don't really know what to do about it - if I cut her fully out of my life it would just seem odd now. His email is, to be blunt, emotional masturbation. I mean really: "I might be the fool who ends up with nothing and no one. That day, please feel free to laugh at me and think thank God I left you as I was a freak who did not know what he had and wanted in his life." He's right about being a fool. I still sometimes think about my ex and wonder if I made a mistake. Then I pinch myself and realise that yes, she is a wonderful, beautiful, smart girl who loves me with her whole heart, but that I don't love her in that way. I'd like to. My life would be a lot easier. But I don't. Letting her think anything else is selfish of me. That's why your ex's email is - selfish. And manipulative.
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