We both cheated...he want forgive me!!!

[NEVERCHEAT]

I've been with my boyfriend for four years and we have a two year old son together.I discovered that my boyfriend was having a affair last March. I took him back the very next day and told him I would forgive him. However,when I would ask questions about the affair he would get angry and tell me he did'nt want to talk about it. He also continued to act very distant and mean towards me; which was how he was acting before I discovered his cheating. I decided to look in his phone while he was sleeping one day and discovered he was still talking to the same girl.

 

I was furious and confronted him. He got upset and acted like it wasnt a big deal. There where three other occasions that I saw text messages from the same girl and other girls. In June I saw that they where texting about going to the movies. The last time I went through his phone I saw a naked picture from the same girl he had an affair with. This was in August and I caught him cheating in March. I still stayed but decided to play the tic for tac game. This was definately a mistake that I am living with now. After, I saw the text message about going to the movies I believed he obviously didnt respect the relationship and I got to the point that I wasnt going to either.

 

I signed up to an online dating site and started talking to guys. I met one guy in particular and we exchanged numbers.By August we had seen eachother atleast five times and in September we slept together. I stopped seeing him after this because the guilt was to heavy. However, a few weeks later I ran into an old friend and gave him my number. We hung out once things got to far to the point that I almost slept with him. I actually allowed him to get inside me and I pushed him off and left. I havent seen him since and cut off all contact. After these two incidents I stopped cheating because I couldnt do it anymore.

 

However, I made mistake and never deleted my profile on the dating site. My boyfriend's cousin doscovered my profile and confronted him this summer. My boyfriend confronted me and it has been hell every since. He want forgive me? I've cried,begged,apologized, changed my number,got his name tatted on my leg,I cook him dinner every night,wash and iron his clothes,I've planned romantic dates,massages,whatever he wants.My boyfriend want understand that I only cheated out of anger and because of his actions at the time.

 

I wouldve never considered cheating if he wouldve cut all contact off with the girl and showed remorse after cheating. I admit that I learned two wrongs dont make a right and I shouldnt of cheated. I've been extrememly depressed because we have a son together and I would love to work this out and move on with our lives. I try to convince him that where still and its not to late to work it out. Im 24 and he is 26 but nothing is working. He swares that he cheated because he was stressed being unemployed and that even though he kept talking to the same girl. He wouldve never left me because we have a son together and that he wanted to marry me.

 

I feel like I ruined everything but its not fair that he want forgive me. I understand that its harder for a man to accept something like this. I guess he cant get over the fact that I was sexual with two men even though I didnt go all the way with one. I can honestly say that I would never cheat again.

 

Its been five months since he discovered my affair and he's not handling it well. He told me the other day that we should probably be firends but that is too painful. He is over my house everyday and our son loves his dad so much. How do I deal with things if we break up? Do I tell him that he can not come over? What should I do?

Edited October 29, 2011 by NEVERCHEAT

[eleanorhurting]

I dont think this is fixable. I think you need t leave and move on for your child's sake. And please get his name off your leg.

[wilsonx]

He's a cheater straight up and wont let go of someone he cheated on you with. He's selfish and a hypocrite.

 

NEVERCHEAT, this relationship is extremely bad. It needs to end permanently and you need to move on somehow with your life. Learn from your mistakes and I am going to teach you something. Hurt people hurt people. Your bf or ex or whatever he is, is a hurt person. You loved him but he cheated on you. That hurt every part of your being, every part of it and I am sure you have no clue how to deal with the pain that he caused on you. You are now hurt, so what did you do, you hurt him. This relationship is going to be a continuous cycle of hurting each other. There is no possible way that its going to ever work. You both have issues to work on but I think your issues will be addressed and fixed way faster then his. He will never see that he has a problem and thats his own fault. You see that cheating is bad and you know not to do it again.

 

I was in a relationship just like this except, I did not cheat, I wanted to really bad because I did not know how to deal with the pain and I did not want to deal with the upcoming pain of letting go of the relationship. So I stood in it and lost complete control of my life because of it. If you stay in this relationship, the same thing will happen to you.

 

You need to let go and embrace the pain, guilt, and focus on you and your kid and learn from your mistakes. One of your mistakes you should see and learn from is not being in a relationship with someone like him

[NEVERCHEAT]

ThatLuckyGirl- Your right I didnt cheat because he cheated. However, if he wouldve changed and stopped cheating I wouldve never done the things I did. I wasnt happy at the time and I didnt want to break up. Today, I realize that would have been the best option. I used to be one those people that judged cheatersbut now Im officially a cheater. I appreciate your advice it probably will never be the same. I know that infidelity is a dealbreaker for some relationships but some couples make it. I was hoping we could make it together.

 

Wilson- You are very right. I can see myself. I actually understand that I was wrong and I'm willing to make it work. However, both of us wil have to realize the samething and he just want get it. He has some responsibilty for this because he brought cheating into our relationship.

 

Plasma- I didnt start a profile on a dating site with the intentions of getting laid. I was lonely and frustrated. My boyfriend was acting very distant and mean toward me after his affair. I turned to the website looking for someone to talk to but things went to far. I'm not discusting and I have never acted in this kind of matter.

 

Overall, I really want to make it work...Should we seek counseling?