lifelongcommitment Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Good morning everyone, My wife and I are on the verge of divorce. It is the last thing I want. She says she doesn't love me "that way" anymore. A little history, We moved our family of 6 a few years ago. I knew we were having trouble, but was so wrapped up in my own problems. Drinking, negativity etc that I did not see what was right in front of me. I had been verbally and emotionally abusive. Of that I am now certain. I have caused her a tremendous amount of pain. Two years ago, we talked and she told me all of this. I couldn't really believe it of myself at the time, but promised to change if we could try. I worked on and changed a lot. Not the drinking, until recently. After 1.5 years of my trying, I did not see any change on her part. I talked to her about it and she said I was right. She was done. She doesn't love me "that way" anymore. I had felt something was up and had been monitoring her text usage, and she was texting a coworker/friend (man) over 3500 times a month. I asked her about it and she said they were friends. She is on her phone texting constantly, supposedly her sister and other family. NOT TRUE, it's almost all him. She has been lying about it. Then I find he is sending her love songs. He even recorded himself playing and singing her a song. I finally confronted her last night and at first, of course, she lied. I was actually very calm, must be the "alcohol free" me. I said if she loved him she should go be with him. I told here I can actually forgive this if she wants to try to fix it. Again, the "alcohol free" me. Saddest thing is, It took me losing the most important thing in my life for me to bring about the changes that I need to. It may be too late, but I love here and made a commitment before God to remain faithful to her. I take that very serious, and pray for a revelation on her part as well as her forgiveness for my mistakes. If you are reading this and it isn't that bad yet. Get busy with yourself and fix you. Maybe you don't have to be where I am today. If you have been here and done this and it worked out, please add any comments or advice you may have. I have read many similar posts, and gleaned some good information from this site. Thank you all in advance for what you do. Steve
Author lifelongcommitment Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 No, She did not leave. She was still not completely truthful yesterday, but as of this morning, she is being more truthful. She is having a hard time admitting that what she was doing is an affair. She came home from work willing to do whatever it takes. However her reasoning was that she should do that to keep me from "taking her kids" . I explained to her that she cannot let that be in her decision process. If we decide to fix this it has to be about us, and we both have to be 100% committed. I have asked her to take some time and think it over as this is very important. None of us deserve to continue on as we have for the past couple of years. Understand, I have no ill will towards her. I know that I caused the initial problem and she shut down. I am willing to do whatever it takes. Even if that means letting her go. As my username suggests I take marriage very seriously, and want to do all that I can to make it work. Give her time, be understanding of her position etc. Thanks for your well wishes and Have a GREAT day. Steve
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