Rimer Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Hello again.. Some of you might read my story before. In short my GF wanted to break up because we were fighting etc the normal stuff. We started to date very young and were together for over 8 years. I was diagnosed with a long term depression which I already had during the relationship therefor I didn't care about myself and didn't give 110% to the relationship. We both still love each other and have feelings. Were now broken up. She says If I can fix myself we still have a chance. I got overweight during our relationship and that really has hurt me in many aspects the depression, lost of self esteem and social skills. I used to be a guy who would talk to anyone, very out spoken and had self esteem. So essentially I'm not the guy she fell in love with. She did support me during my hard times (we neither knew I had depression) and she tried to motivate me to go to the gym etc I just never really listened to her and dwelled in my self pity. Now she has told me she doesn't want to start a relationship with anyone including me in half of year or so. She wants NC for couple weeks now (she said needs her time and space) and that because were broken up she doesn't want to see me and hear from me all the time now (I haven't bombarded her with txt/phone calls) but i've done the mistake of talking about US and she's not ready for that yet she says. She said in 1-2 months we can start to do stuff together again if I get my act together. Since the break up we both have said to each other that we have new found respect for each other and value each other much more. We were 16 when we started dating. She told me if she doesn't do this now she'll be bitter at the age of 40. Many have told me it's just a phase where she wants to see what it's like to be alone and single. I'm just wondering. She goes hot and cold during our talks too. One seconds she can be all happy then if I ask her for instance can I call you tonight she goes all nuts "DON'T START THIS AGAIN!" She also accidentally told me she's lonely and tries to fill her time up with everything possibly (maybe so she doesn't have to think about us?). She's a straight shooter too and she's never lied to me, she really ain't that kinda girl. If she didn't have feelings and felt we don't have a chance she would tell me. What's a guy to do? Give her time and space she wants and better myself? I've started going to the psychologist and joined a gym (3-4 times a week) started to eat healthy. I don't really have many friends because we really lived in symbiotic with my GF and we were together 95% of our free time for 8 years and my social skills are 0 atm. How much time is too much? No.. I'm not ready to move on from this relationship. I won't give up as long as there is hope.
joseph17 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 You have to give her her space. If not you will push her away which you have already which is why when you become needy she gets defensive. NC here is going to show you if you are what she wants and you time to change. A couple of weeks isn't enough time to change but maybe you can show her that you no longer are needy. Don't ask to see her or talk to her just those actions alone can make her feel differently. Take this one slow and get back to the person she fell in love with.
Author Rimer Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Thanks a lot for the responses. Wise posts and they really do hit home. I don't get it. Why do I keep bringing stuff up eventho I know I shouldnt do it. It's like the seconds I talk/see her I lose all logic and let my emotions go. Little Update on the situation We have a dog together and we a month ago agreed I would take it over this weekend to look after as she went to her sisters graduation party. Today I took the dog back to her place. I was 100% sure this time I wouldn't say anything. Everything went good and all then she said she's thinking about moving closer to the city in the future. At that point I just couldn't help myself and say "Don't you see me in your future" (ok the city is only 5 miles further) at that point she pretty much surprised me. I was set that she would get pissed but it's a question I had to ask. She said that when/if we get back together she wants to live alone for a year or so (see keeps making these timelines but they usually change in a week or so?) and that we would get a bigger house outside the city. We were together for 5 years before we moved together to begin with. Those 5 years were awesome. She said it too we get along together awesome when we live separately to which I said yes we do but next time things will be different as I get my head and act together. Now even on Friday she told me she wants that 2 weeks of NC now today when I was leaving she didn't mention the 2 weeks in anyway and actually I said bye and all and said well lets call again soon. She said ok sure.. and.. we hugged too.. Now I know were WAYS from getting together again but IMO these were couraging signs. The fact she mentioned something about if we get back together about a house in couple years makes me think she's thought about stuff a lot and just wont let her guard down yet. Now those years etc are just times she gives which just keep changing all the time. I feel like she's searching for herself now. She wants to see what it's like alone and single. She's hot and cold all the time
Author Rimer Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 ATM were at friends level and I've heard that a big no no. But the thing is I'm not 100% sure that's the case with us. Today I've been thinking about saying to her that I can't be just friends with you and that once you know what you want contact me. But she wants to start out our "relationship" out again by being just friends first and see where that goes. Now she wants that time for herself and I won't dare to tell her that I can't be only friends right now. How long should I wait?
joseph17 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 You don't want to get to far into the "Just Friends" stage as it is harder to get out of. For her to say she wants to be friends first to see where it leads just means you lost that friendship somewhere down the line and she feels she needs that to continue. You are on the right track and she keeps giving you positive signs of you getting back together. Just hand in there and like lucky girl stated to come off needy or emotional. Hold your ground and she should be back in your arms in know time
Author Rimer Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) Hey again.. I've tried my best to keep NC. She contacted me once to ask how I was.. Yesterday I went over to her place to take our dog over for the weekend. We talked casually not about us really. When I was leaving I showed her with my hands like could I hug her... She showed with her hands and said not now.. Then we just said good bye, good weekend and call you on sunday. Now I'm wondering why did she reject my hug attempt? Couple weeks ago I hugged her although now that I think about it might surprised her. Is it too soon as she still needs her space and she's told me she'll tell me when she's ready or doesn't she care for me anymore or she fears making that kinda contact could make her feel more atm than she wants to admit or what? Did I just come off needy trying to go in for a hug? Should I ask her why she rejected the hug and how much time does she need? I want to ask those questions so badly but I feel it is really the wrong thing to do Edited November 12, 2011 by Rimer
.thumb.png.704ab46aaabc69f1cb854250c015884b.png)
Recommended Posts