irc333 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 (edited) "Stag" is coming alone right? Anyhow, there's this woman I had a thing for a long time ago that I met a gathering of friends, Wine Tasting event I think. Anyhow, she came alone, and I got to talking to her. Through getting to know her, I found out her single status, and turns out she's not entirely single...she's technically married, but her "husband" has a girlfriend, and I'm guessing she's doing her own dating ...I suppose, I never pried. I'm not going to ask a married woman if she's dating. Apparently, they never divorced, because they own this ranch together, both own a few horses, and if they divorce, well....where are all the horses gonna go, right? lol Is he going to take a couple and keep him at his new apartment? I don't think so. OR it could be the whole, "Can't afford to get a divorce" excuse. Anyhow, about 3 years later, hadn't see her in a while, until she pops up on radar again, I message her and she said she's attending the same Halloween party that I'm attending. Then I friend her on FB, and she has for status "Married" Yikes. But she's attending this event alone. Thought about forewarning the other bachelors she's a married woman, but kind of disappointing to say the least. I think at the very most, at these events, she might get a lot of flirting going on or what not, but as soon as these guys friend her....they'd be like "What? She's married?" Basically, she's married, but coming off like she's single. In this situation, would you ask out such a person? Esp if you found out they went out of their way to put that they are "Married' on their FB profile? I was hoping after 3 years, she would have had a finalized divorce. And they have no kids. ..so there is no excuse to continue to be married. Edited October 29, 2011 by irc333
KathyM Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 She's still married and living with the husband. She's just looking for something on the side, since her husband has done the same. What they have is an open marriage, and she is looking to hook up with some guy for an affair. That is why she is going stag to these events. You would be foolish to start anything with her. It's a dead end, and she will only be using you until she finds someone else to have a fling with.
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 She's still married and living with the husband. She's just looking for something on the side, since her husband has done the same. What they have is an open marriage, and she is looking to hook up with some guy for an affair. That is why she is going stag to these events. You would be foolish to start anything with her. It's a dead end, and she will only be using you until she finds someone else to have a fling with. Actually, they aren't living together.
KathyM Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Actually, they aren't living together. So they are separated with no intent to divorce. Strange that she would put "married" on her profile if she were actually separated. Doesn't make any sense, unless she wanted to let people know that she has no intention of getting a divorce. Strange situation. Still a waste of your time if you start seeing this woman. She has no intention of divorcing.
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 So they are separated with no intent to divorce. Strange that she would put "married" on her profile if she were actually separated. Doesn't make any sense, unless she wanted to let people know that she has no intention of getting a divorce. Strange situation. Still a waste of your time if you start seeing this woman. She has no intention of divorcing. Yeah, there are 2 types of "seperated" people 1. The ones who can't WAIT for those papers to go through 2. And the questionable ones that say , "Meh, why bother? No rush" I know of another woman on a dating site, says shes' separated, but still sees her husband on a "friendship" basis to go on Harley Rides on the back of his bike over the weekends, but she dates , too. People are spoiled these days, they want their cake and eat it too.
OneFootOut Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Actually, they aren't living together. How do you know for sure? I mean it sounds like she is being somewhat deceitful letting people believe she is single, until they find out otherwise. Why wouldn't she make up the part about living separate as well? Just saying. I agree that if they were actually separated, her FB status would reflect that. There is no logical reason why she would keep it listed as married, if she is separated and physically living apart. With no kids involved, hanging on because of horses or material things is a little ridiculous. If 'they' are over and done with and separated, why would anyone keep that cloud over their heads instead of ending it, finalizing it, and moving on free and unattached to be available again? Something doesn't sound right.
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Something doesn't sound right. Well, all I can do is ask her about it.
Emilia Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 It sounds like a mess. It isn't something I would get involved in personally. Could turn into a mindf**k
carhill Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 This is what I call 'having the freedom of being single and the security of being married'. For people with the charisma and power to pull it off, it's a pretty cool deal, and there are plenty of folks out there who will buy in. The other side of that coin is she will miss out on quality men who will not bother with such a person as a potential relationship partner. She may not want a relationship, so it works for her. I found, from personal experience, that generally men are far less likely to be concerned about the specifics of a woman's 'relationship' or 'marriage' than women are. If she says she's available and willing to fµck, that's good enough for them. In other words, far fewer men will immediately exclude such a woman than the reverse. They're more likely to 'see how it goes' and get some lovin'. Is this woman wealthy? I ask because I know of some similar situations with neighbors who live separately; the wife lives in town and the husband lives on the ranch or at one of their other homes. My neighbor across the street is like that. No one except for the caretaker lives in their big ranch home. They both live separately elsewhere. As one of my customers calls it, 'unique'. If you want to have a little fun, hit up on her. See how it goes. Live a little
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 (edited) If you want to have a little fun, hit up on her. See how it goes. Live a littleLOL...I don't know about that....I was at a dinner gathering with a mix of single and married people, mostly single. I was getting to know these couple of hot South American women, just practically fresh off the boat about a couple of years. I get to talking to one of them, and she said she wasn't "entirely" single, she was still married, but the husband didn't want her leaving him.....but she's going on speed dating events, mixers, etc. Partying up with antoher South American friend....who is also in the same situation. I asked how how long has she been married, "2 years" she said, I then asked, "How long have you been in this country" Her answer, "Two years" Green card marriage apparently. LOL Anyhow, I moved onto some other people in the party, a married man, and I mentioned the situation with those ladies, and perhaps give it a shot? He said, "I dunno about that, man, if you're lucky you might wind up with your tires slit or even worse, or coming to meet the functional side of a shot gun." Because some Husbands, though they are "split up" when a threat comes around to snag on the "separated" wife....he might consider her HIS, if you get what I mean. Of course, since he's a married man, his answer might be biased. But, he said, "There's plenty of UN-attached women out there, just go for them." Edited October 29, 2011 by irc333
carhill Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Oh, she's a green card gal, eh? A K1? No worries. That explains some things. Still, if you're just interested in something casual, never hurts to mingle. I'm sure you can handle whatever results with the husband. Very few I know are willing to risk jail time for a wife to be 'territorial', especially if no children are involved.
Duckduckgoose Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 If you want some excitement and live by the seat of your pants start a fling with this "married" woman. She could of course be lying to you about her whole deal, saying her husband has a gf and whatnot... the classic "rewrite" of the marriage to justify her cheating intentions. I personally would leave it alone, but that's just me. I prolly wouldn't warn the other guys, sometimes its best to let people find things out for themselves.
grkBoy Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 IMHO...I think they both more or less agreed on an open marriage, but will probably divorce as soon as they can think of an equitable way to divide the ranch without a lengthy battle. IRC, I've seen from your moral code that this doesn't fly with you. No problem with that. You have a right to feel the way you do. However, she's out prowling, looking for some fun, and you'll probably end up as the one guy who would reject her compared to the many more who either will just bang her or look to get her into a RL in some dysfunctional manner. I wouldn't tell the other guys anything. Let them find out for themselves and deal with it on their own terms. If I was single and thought she was hot, I'd probably just have some fun with her (sex and such) if I can see this won't come back at me in any way. Some can think I'm immoral for doing that, but it takes two to tango...and it's she and her husband who are destroying the marriage. I would not though...commit. Not unless I see she's fully divorced. So it's up to you. Either hold silently to your morals, or go play if she's sniffing your way. I again tell you that you should not "warn" the other guys. Imagine how you would feel if a female in your social group "warned" women that you were "creepy" or something? Not calling you creepy, but imagine how you would feel if someone's telling things about you behind your back that hinders your chances at dating? Leave it alone.
KathyM Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Don't treat women like casual hookups to use and discard. There are plenty of fish in the sea, single available ones, to spend your time and attention on. You don't sound like the kind of person who would want to just hit and run or be a user or allow themselves to be used. Plenty of unattached available women out there. No need to invest time in unavailable ones.
dasein Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 This is a common kind of thing with many separated couples, either one or both isn't ready to finalize things, so they leave a kind of illusion that the bridge isn't burned yet. There are also folks with kids who have a hard time transitioning to a final divorce. I wouldn't read too much into it, and would treat her as any other person in the dating pool. Personally, I won't have sex with women in this in between kind of position because there is always the chance that the husband is not on the same page and if he comes in and puts a bullet in you, you instantly become the unsympathetic party. He will get no blame and of course the woman won't, so you are left holding a dirty bag all by yourself. Not worth the risk, but others see it differently.
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