Cee Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I teared up when I read your disclosure. You have a heavy burden of keeping that traumatic incident a secret. I suggest you go for a consultation with a therapist and talk about all of this. It's tempting to minimize something that happened long ago, but this one act is egregious. And it may have been part of a larger pattern of boundary violations in your family. I hope you talk to a counselor. It may help you along in your future happiness. My heart goes out to you.
Duckduckgoose Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Yeah, you may want to see a counselor about that. Its not normal and it's holding you back from what is otherwise a good guy and a loving relationship.
norajane Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Okay this was off-topic but I had to get it off my chest and I somehow think that explains some of my trouble about being physically and sexually attracted to a guy. Does this memory/issue come up all the time when you start a relationship with a man? Every man? Has it prevented you from falling for other guys, or created problems during sex? If so, you really should get some counseling to help you work through your thoughts and issues. Otherwise, I'll echo what the others have said - the last thing you should be concerned about is whether your friends think your bf is attractive. Your friends are not part of your relationship; your friends are only looking at him superficially, while YOU see him for the entire person he is: First of all, I really, really like the guy, don't get me wrong on this one. And, yes, I would be super jealous if he went and found some other girl. I feel so save when he's around, it's hard to describe this feeling. And what you see and feel is something your friends do not experience with him. So they are only looking at one facet, and it's easy to be judgmental about his exterior when you're just a stranger and don't care about him otherwise. But I know that I do have some issues which mainly shows up in my way of thinking. I do have these moments of doubt and I am scared of diving in and just let myself fall. He notices and I know it makes him insecure. It makes me sad when he asks me what he's doing wrong. Because he's doing everything just right and I tell him that but I know it's not enough of an explanation when I'm suddenly all distant and cold. Maybe it would help if you shared your fears with him. He would feel less insecure, and it might be a relief to you to share your fears. It might even help you with your fears.
Author LilThalie Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 You know I was so close to telling him this story but something is holding me back. I don't want him to think badly about my parents and there's a good chance that he would if I told him. I'm so grateful for everything my parents did for me but this one just screwed something up in my head, maybe that's not even their fault. The picture he has of my parents shouldn't be the one that pops up in my mind when I try to start out a sexual relationship with a guy. I don't even know why he's so patient with me. We've been seeing each other for over a month and still haven't slept with each other. I think I've been getting much more sexual satisfaction out of this relationship so far, because I just can't bring myself to touch him(as I haven't been able to with any other guy, apart from one who kind of forced me to do so). I don't understand why he puts up with it. I would want to be so much more for him but I feel like there's a wall I can't break through. Sometimes I just wish there was a real reason why I feel that way, something that would be recognised as a legimation reason to act the way I do, something I could tell people and they wouldn't look at me and ask where the problem is.
Recommended Posts