sex as communication :/

[polka_dot_pixie]

Hello,

 

I think by now people will have seen my many posts on my confusion, but it's just all been upped a lot.

 

Basically my boyfriend left to study abroad 2 months ago and has not been the most attentive or communicative whilst he's been there, in fact the complete opposite, he went through a phase of being on skype and emailing me back but then seemed to stop, he would hide offline on skype and ignore me or stand me up on our arranged skype dates, this obviously caused me to think he wanted the relationship over... especially when just over a week ago I got a text off him the morning after we were meant to chat saying 'sorry I wasn't online. I had other people to talk to.' I left him to it and didn't reach out for him, 4 days later I surprisingly got an email off him saying he was sorry he hadn't been in touch but he'd had a lot of work on plus family visiting, he said he'd be online this weekend to chat (which I'm not really putting much hopes on) and also included some pornographic images, he then sent another 2 emails featuring himself in an adult manner.

 

I left it and didn't reply for 3 days later, by this time I had received a surprise parcel from him of £35 worth of sex toys...just to add to my confusion on where we stood. I sent an email back and got no reply.

 

Then this morning I have woken up to 23 missed calls from him that span out over an hour, 15 minutes before he stopped trying to call he sent me an email entitled 'PLEASE LISTEN' and he'd said inside it 'see attached images. that's what's wrong. heathe these words.' And he had attached about 15 images of himself pleasuring himself over my photos.. He tried ringing again for 15 minutes before sending a txt saying 'answer once and you win...' and that was all of it.

 

I'm very very confused at how to take all of that, whether or not he means what's wrong with our relationship is me...or.. a few pictures he'd sent me were in a bdsm style so I don't know if he just meant wrong in that sense... And the txt has confused me as to if he meant win in the sense of getting something if I answer or whether or not he's angry at me for something... I know you all aren't him so don't know exactly but I'm hoping someone maybe can shed some light on it all? I really am so up and down and asking him doesn't seem to work... I know he has a history of getting very stressed and as a result sort of detaches and pulls away from me when he's got exams on (which he has next week) and he tends to use sex to come back to me when he wants to speak to me (his reasons for this he said was because he doesn't really know why he vanishes from me when hes stressed, and when he's wanting to get in touch he feels like being normal gives me too many options of how to reply, whereas if he's sexual about it he figures I can only reply in a few ways - either being alright with him, ignoring him, or telling him to f-off...crap reasoning I know but that is what he has given me before)

 

Sorry for the many long posts feel like i'm on a rollarcoaster, I visited him 3 weeks ago and despite some arguments, all seemed fine, didn't really expect to come back to UK and have him do all this, because that is when this mainly started :/ he was more or less okay before the visit, wasn't amazing at keeping in touch but he did send an email or show up on skype at least one a week...

 

Thanks for any help

[creighton0123]

I hate to say this, Polka, but your confusion is very justified. He is definitely not ready for a mature, adult relationship; none-the-less a long distance relationship.