sarcrb Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) My boyfriend says that he used to fall in love a lot when he was younger but it takes longer as he's gotten older (we are both 30). It's been almost 7 months and he says he's not there yet but when I asked him if he could, he said "of course". He also told me that he thought I was trying to rush it. I'm pretty sure he fell in love with his previous relationships sooner, even the most recent one which was about a year or two ago. He's very respectful and is very affectionate towards me. We spend pretty much everyday together and I stay at his place even though I have my own apartment. Is it possible to fall in love at different paces or is it a lost cause? Is he wanting to see where it goes or is he just letting time pass with company? I've been thinking about starting to stay at my place a few nights a week so that the relationship could possibly improve, since we are together so much and I sometimes feel like he's taking me for granted. When I brought this up, he said that he liked having me there and didn't want to change it. Would this be a good idea to do so anyways, will it strain the relationship and make things worse, or should I leave well enough alone? How should I address it? Would it be better just to get myself busier? Edited October 28, 2011 by sarcrb
Cypress25 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 My boyfriend says that he used to fall in love a lot when he was younger but it takes longer as he's gotten older (we are both 30). That's a sign of growing up and becoming more mature. Young people (teens and early twenties) tend to think they're in love when they're not. They mistake lust and infatuation for love. If we're talking about true love, that takes a lot longer. He's wise to realize this. It's been almost 7 months and he says he's not there yet but when I asked him if he could, he said "of course". He also told me that he thought I was trying to rush it. I don't think 7 months is enough time to fall in love with someone. You have to know someone really well before you can be in love with them. It's still early days. And you really shouldn't be asking him if he loves you. What kind of question is that? He'll tell you when he feels it. I'm pretty sure he fell in love with his previous relationships sooner, even the most recent one which was about a year or two ago. Don't compare his previous relationships to yours. That's the worst thing you could do. Every relationship is unique. Is it possible to fall in love at different paces or is it a lost cause? Of course it's possible to fall in love at different paces! In fact, it sounds kind of impossible for two people to fall in love at the exact same time. You're different people, you're not sharing a brain. You sound very insecure and I think you have a lot of growing up to do. There's no deadline for falling in love.
MaxNoob Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 That's a sign of growing up and becoming more mature. Young people (teens and early twenties) tend to think they're in love when they're not. They mistake lust and infatuation for love. If we're talking about true love, that takes a lot longer. He's wise to realize this. I don't think 7 months is enough time to fall in love with someone. You have to know someone really well before you can be in love with them. I've seen this repeated several times on LS and it's false. Studies have shown that 40% of people fall in love instantly and I'm one of them. I have never fallen in love gradually and I have never mistaken it for infatuation.
Cypress25 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Studies have shown that 40% of people fall in love instantly and I'm one of them. It's impossible to fall in love instantly. You have to know the person before you can fall in love with him/her, and you can't know someone instantly. It's impossible to fall in love with someone you don't know. Maybe 40% of people have an instant attraction, but that's not love.
MaxNoob Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 It's impossible to fall in love instantly. You have to know the person before you can fall in love with him/her, and you can't know someone instantly. It's impossible to fall in love with someone you don't know. Maybe 40% of people have an instant attraction, but that's not love. Falling in love instantly, as in, I literally feel it in my heart and I know that if I'll never get to see her again, it will feel worse than death and haunt me for years. You're mentioning a condition for falling love; you must know the person first - no, true love is unconditional. This is my main problem; trying to get a date with someone I fell in love with instantly is unbearably stressful for me, because I know how badly it will feel if I lose her. The last time I got a date with someone I was love with, a blood vessel bust in my mouth and I pleaded with my dentist to do something about it. He insisted than I let it heel on its own and said it was caused by extreme stress. I was in so much pain I had to call off the date. By the time I recovered, I only had a few days left to try again; I came on too strong, which scared her off. It was the worst regret I ever felt. It's hard for me to try to come across as not too serious when any emotion I'm feeling is magnified 50 times when I'm in love. If it's just a girl I have a crush on, a first date is no stress at all for me, because if she rejects me, I'll be over her in about 2 minutes and won't feel anything.
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