SugarHoney Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I miss my ex so much and lately I've had a chance to talk to him but I didn't and now I may not get another chance. It seems either way I only hurt myself and regret things. As either I talk to him and he sends confusing mixed messages and it breaks my heart thinking that he doesn't want me anymore, or I mistake his flirting etc for him still liking me and get my hopes up that he'll want me back. Or I continue NC and seriously regret not talking to him when I had the chance and worry that I may have missed any small chance I had with him. I really don't know what to do anymore. I know everyone on here will tell me to keep NC, but I just feel he is confused about what he wants and if I don't talk to him then he'll assume that I've moved on and move on himself. If he hasn't already. I really don't know what to do. Its been over 8 months since we split up so I know I should be getting over this by now. But I think I'm relapsing really badly as I have been crying a lot. And I keep getting these opportunities to talk to him, but avoiding him, as people keep telling me NC is best. I just regret not talking to him so much now and fear that I may have missed my last chance with him. Also seems so weird having to duck and dive and hide away from him. I mean if he calls me shouldn't I answer it? And give him a chance, so we can try and be friends at least? He used to be my best friend, and I miss that so much. Edited October 28, 2011 by SugarHoney
ken_25 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I suggest going with your gut. Just go with that, experience whatever happens and learn from it.
Author SugarHoney Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I suggest going with your gut. Just go with that, experience whatever happens and learn from it. That's the problem I suppose. I don't know what my gut is telling me I mean I love him, sure, but I'm also terrified of him hurting me again and breaking my heart. So I don't know what to go with. I think my gut is just as confused as me. I do love him though and my life feels empty without him, so I guess I am leaning towards talking to him again, but still I am scared of getting burned again. Edited October 28, 2011 by SugarHoney
confused kitty Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Surely its better to know than to do nothing and always be wondering what if. yes if you get rejected it will hurt, but you can then walk away knowing youve done all you could - where as if you do nothing, it will eat away at you for many years to come... I suggest next time you get the oppertunity to speak to him, that you take, keep conversation light and friendly and see how he responds
Kamila Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I miss my ex so much and lately I've had a chance to talk to him but I didn't and now I may not get another chance. It seems either way I only hurt myself and regret things. As either I talk to him and he sends confusing mixed messages and it breaks my heart thinking that he doesn't want me anymore, or I mistake his flirting etc for him still liking me and get my hopes up that he'll want me back. Or I continue NC and seriously regret not talking to him when I had the chance and worry that I may have missed any small chance I had with him. I really don't know what to do anymore. I know everyone on here will tell me to keep NC, but I just feel he is confused about what he wants and if I don't talk to him then he'll assume that I've moved on and move on himself. If he hasn't already. I really don't know what to do. Its been over 8 months since we split up so I know I should be getting over this by now. But I think I'm relapsing really badly as I have been crying a lot. And I keep getting these opportunities to talk to him, but avoiding him, as people keep telling me NC is best. I just regret not talking to him so much now and fear that I may have missed my last chance with him. Also seems so weird having to duck and dive and hide away from him. I mean if he calls me shouldn't I answer it? And give him a chance, so we can try and be friends at least? He used to be my best friend, and I miss that so much. So let's see this from both perspectives: You do intend on keeping contact with him because you have regrets and feel guilt for leaving him. So you'll be friends and see each other. Maybe you'll end up back together and then the break-up scenario will be next door. You see ? The vicious circle will start once again. But again, you could think that mistakes in the past won't be repeated this time. I hope your ex will learn from his mistakes. Do you think he is mature enough to reflect on the mistakes he made ? Other scenario: You go no contact and that means you break all contact with him. All bonds you had are destroyed by you going no contact. It will give you the opportunity to be on yourself and grow stronger. Of course this is very hard to do. It won't mean that you don't love him. It will simply show you have strength of character and are able to not let this love you have for him control you. And also, that uncertainty he has over your relationship won't keep you so obsessed.
Author SugarHoney Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 So let's see this from both perspectives: You do intend on keeping contact with him because you have regrets and feel guilt for leaving him. So you'll be friends and see each other. Maybe you'll end up back together and then the break-up scenario will be next door. You see ? The vicious circle will start once again. But again, you could think that mistakes in the past won't be repeated this time. I hope your ex will learn from his mistakes. Do you think he is mature enough to reflect on the mistakes he made ? Other scenario: You go no contact and that means you break all contact with him. All bonds you had are destroyed by you going no contact. It will give you the opportunity to be on yourself and grow stronger. Of course this is very hard to do. It won't mean that you don't love him. It will simply show you have strength of character and are able to not let this love you have for him control you. And also, that uncertainty he has over your relationship won't keep you so obsessed. Ok, I'm trying to keep NC, but so far I'm still very obsessed with the uncertainty my ex brings. I am now really really regretting not talking to him when I had the chance because he seems to have disappeared and I've no idea where he's gone. I miss him so much I still cry a lot and have really deep dark thoughts as my life seems so meaningless and empty without him and I feel so worthless knowing I wasn't good enough for him. I don't know what to do now. I know NC is best but I've tried for so long and its been over 8 months since we split. Surely I should be better than this by now, but I seem to have relapsed and I feel I love him more than ever. I'm so desperate to contact him, and yet terrified of the prospect of being rejected again at the same time
Author SugarHoney Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 (edited) You really just need to stay NC. Honestly, posting here about everything might not even be a good idea as it will prevent you to take your mind off of things.Seriously, just go out with friends and try and enjoy your life! Stop thinking about him. You don't think so right now but there really are better people out there! Go out there and find them, they're not just going to find you! Good luck! Well I did meet someone better, I know he's much better for me, but its just not working for me really because I miss my ex so much and even when I'm with this new guy (we're not dating or anything, just friends really) I just think about my ex all the time. I can't seem to stop thinking about him, even though I really like this new guy, we have more in common and he seems to really like me too, even though I know my ex has many flaws, treated me badly and doesn't seem to want me anymore despite all that I still seem to love and miss him. Edited October 30, 2011 by SugarHoney
sallyho Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 You really just need to stay NC. Honestly, posting here about everything might not even be a good idea as it will prevent you to take your mind off of things.Seriously, just go out with friends and try and enjoy your life! Stop thinking about him. You don't think so right now but there really are better people out there! Go out there and find them, they're not just going to find you! Good luck! thats the best advice ive heard ever thankyou so much i thought coming on here and posting my problem that it would help me but to be honest its just making me worse i know this site is helping so many people but in my case its not letting me heal i spend my whole day reading peoples sad stories and hoping for a quick fix the only thing that will help me is time but thankyou so much you have helped me already.:)
Author SugarHoney Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 Ok, I sent my ex a really brief, light hearted message. I don't know if he'll reply, I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not, but I miss him so much, and I don't want him to think I don't care about him at all any more if he is having any thoughts at all of maybe wanting me back. I know it might not have been the right thing to do, but I've tried staying NC and I regret not talking to him when I've had the opportunity, so now I'm trying it the other way again. And maybe I'll regret that too because he'll ignore me, be friendly and nothing more or send me mixed messages again, but if I don't talk to him or at least try, then I'll never know, and I couldn't possibly feel much worse then I do already. I miss him so much and I honestly don't think my ex really knows what he wants.
radiodarcy Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Sugar, i don't mean to sound harsh but if your ex doesn't know what he wants then that's his problem. please stop making it yours. if you continuing to reach out to him in the name of friendship, he is only going to continuing to abuse said friendship as a means to string you along; with no real intention of making a decision either way. why? because in continuing to be there for him as a friend, you have made it very easy for him *not* to make a decision either way. personally, this man sounds like a very toxic individual who is not worthy of your time or headspace. if he can';t make up his mind after 8 months. then as much as i hate to say it - - it sounds like he's pretty much made up his mind. i know it's not easy to ignore his attempts to contact you. but you need to ignore them -- in doing so you will let him know that these crumbs he is throwing you are not acceptable. you deserve better than what he is offering and if he can't give it to you - - it's HIS loss. not yours.
geegirl Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Well I did meet someone better, I know he's much better for me, but its just not working for me really because I miss my ex so much and even when I'm with this new guy (we're not dating or anything, just friends really) I just think about my ex all the time. I can't seem to stop thinking about him, even though I really like this new guy, we have more in common and he seems to really like me too, even though I know my ex has many flaws, treated me badly and doesn't seem to want me anymore despite all that I still seem to love and miss him. And what's unfortunate is that you will never be able to see the potential in other men if you keep involving yourself in this cycle. Where is your self-control? You keep reacting based on "I miss him" and "I love him" but can you step back and think before you react? It's pretty simple. When someone wants you, they will come for you. And knowing that you are available, it would make it easier for him to do so. If there is doubt in his mind, let him be. It's not your responsibility to ease his doubt but your responsibility to not allow yourself to be dangled on a string. You are literally tying the rope around your neck and asking to be dangled. You're hoping to be in his life so that you can "remind" him of your existence. If he wants you, he doesn't need to be reminded. He will find you. Stop making excuses for him, go NC and stop reacting. Step back and think before you react on your emotions.
musicSaves12 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 And what's unfortunate is that you will never be able to see the potential in other men if you keep involving yourself in this cycle. Where is your self-control? You keep reacting based on "I miss him" and "I love him" but can you step back and think before you react? It's pretty simple. When someone wants you, they will come for you. And knowing that you are available, it would make it easier for him to do so. If there is doubt in his mind, let him be. It's not your responsibility to ease his doubt but your responsibility to not allow yourself to be dangled on a string. You are literally tying the rope around your neck and asking to be dangled. You're hoping to be in his life so that you can "remind" him of your existence. If he wants you, he doesn't need to be reminded. He will find you. Stop making excuses for him, go NC and stop reacting. Step back and think before you react on your emotions. Great advise . You have to step back and breath a little. Be strong and think positive!
mike588 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I miss my ex so much and lately I've had a chance to talk to him but I didn't and now I may not get another chance. It seems either way I only hurt myself and regret things. As either I talk to him and he sends confusing mixed messages and it breaks my heart thinking that he doesn't want me anymore, or I mistake his flirting etc for him still liking me and get my hopes up that he'll want me back. Or I continue NC and seriously regret not talking to him when I had the chance and worry that I may have missed any small chance I had with him. I really don't know what to do anymore. I know everyone on here will tell me to keep NC, but I just feel he is confused about what he wants and if I don't talk to him then he'll assume that I've moved on and move on himself. If he hasn't already. I really don't know what to do. Its been over 8 months since we split up so I know I should be getting over this by now. But I think I'm relapsing really badly as I have been crying a lot. And I keep getting these opportunities to talk to him, but avoiding him, as people keep telling me NC is best. I just regret not talking to him so much now and fear that I may have missed my last chance with him. Also seems so weird having to duck and dive and hide away from him. I mean if he calls me shouldn't I answer it? And give him a chance, so we can try and be friends at least? He used to be my best friend, and I miss that so much. Alot of what you said is exactly how I feel/felt. I wanted SO BAD to send her an email simply saying, Hi, hope your doing well,take care.I don't want her to feel I'm sitting around waiting for her,, just wanted to "break the ice" with her if she ever wanted to contact me. I was dumped in a horrible way and there is probably TONS OF GUILT on her but I've forgiven her but haven't forgotten. We both just need to put this behind us and move on,,,someone posted here if they want you they will find you and I believe that. I know how difficult this is,, wishing you the best.
kittenkit Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 I might get flamed for suggesting this - I'm not sure if it's good advice actually and I don't know your full story - but could you write to him and explain how you feel? Say to him that if he ever decides that he wants you back, he should contact you and you'll see how you feel then, but he needs to be sure that's what he wants. In the mean time, while he's unsure or sorting his life out, you need him to stay away and have no contact. Say "if you care about me at all then prove it by leaving me alone - I need some time and space for a while". You might feel better because you will have spelled it out and you won't have left anything unsaid, so you won't worry that he doesn't know, but you are also able to go back to NC. Having said that, I don't know the story, he sounds like he might have a history of messing you about, so you maybe don't want to be too honest. I do agree with what other people have said. You won't spoil anything by maintaining NC, but I understand that the smallest doubt can drive you mad. I've been there too.
kittenkit Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Actually no - sod it - I was in exactly the same situation as this and everyone told me to leave it alone, maintain NC but I couldn't! I had to tell him how I felt! I had to make sure that he knew that I was doing NC because I needed to, but it didn't mean that I didn't love him and that if he made a decision he should get back in touch. I felt better about NC after that, The thing is he did come back. He has missed me terribly. He's made his decision and he wants me!!! Lucky me! /sarcasm But I don't want him. And I'm back on Loveshack because I'm heartbroken over someone else! Life is funny.
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