OCCDAVE Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I tried a month ago online dating and thought it turned out good.i had about 7 numbers after i wrote id say about 20.so now it was time to call them.well i spaced out the calling and made plans with 3 .the other ones were semi cold so i tried to focus on the 3.i met two of them the first girl i met vanished and the other told me few days later shes seeing someone.as for the 3rd she flaked me.so pretty much we chatted online all seems well then i get the number and then you get cold or flake ?
Andy_K Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Go straight from online to arranging a date, then get the number 'in case you need to get hold of them'. Rule of thumb: If they're not comfortable agreeing to a date when you're chatting online, they probably won't over a phonecall either. They'll just feel pressured, say yes, then flake.
Author OCCDAVE Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Have you ever tried that i always thought it was exchange few messages then ask for a number.reason i ask is a girl gonna agree to meet u when she hasnt heard whos shes talkin to
Mrlonelyone Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 What andy said. I have done online dating and while it did not result in a rlship going right for a date is the best way to weed out the posers. The standard is to agree to meet for coffee at a nearby shop. This way it cost you almost nothing. Then you agree to the first real date after that. One more thing. I learned while I was online dating that there are a large number of people on there who have no intention of ever meeting anyone. They more or less see it as a cheap way to get a sexy chat and have some fun flirting with someone who is not their SO.
TigerCub Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 you met up with 2 girls and it didn't work out - that happens. Maybe they didn't feel the chemistry, maybe now that its been about a month since you initially met them online, they really do have other potential dates. Are you exactly like you advertise yourself online - looks/interests, etc..? As for the flaky girl, it sucks, but it happens. Just because it didn't work out with these girls doesn't mean it wont work out with others. That's honestly the online dating game, there's flaky people, there's people only interested in keeping it online, there's multi-daters that just want to rack up the # of dates and not really have the intention of taking it further. Lots of things. Sorry it didn't work out, but if that's how you want to meet others, keep at it, eventually you'll meet someone nice
PlumPrincess Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) It's so weird with all these people not wanting to meet on an online dating site. I still don't get it. I sometimes sent messages in the evening to guys and then we met like an hour or two later. You should try going online on a Friday night and check out the local girls. You can bet, anybody who is online on a Friday night is bored and interested in meeting someone. The funny thing is, I went out with a guy once from this dating site and told him about my Friday night theory and he said that when you go online on a Friday night, like after 1am, you will find all the women who came home from awful dates and that's why they're online. Edited October 28, 2011 by PlumPrincess
january2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 No, it's not. It's a numbers game. If you'd said that you had signed up for a few months and only managed the numbers you quoted, then I'd say a change in strategy is required (see TigerCub's post). You have to manage your expectations. For some people, it's not a quick win solution to finding 'the one'. Sure, it happens. But from what I've seen, the majority of people (especially men) have to spend more time employing trial and error, honing their strategies, and maintaining the pipeline of potential partners - though I'm not an advocate of multi-dating, but I accept that it's a viable for solution for others. It didn't work out this month, so keep plugging away.
Author OCCDAVE Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Well ill try a new plan do i exchange few messages or if i see them on be like hey watcha plans for tonight lets go grab drinks
Disillusioned Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) Yes and no. It IS worth it if you're the CEO who runs the site, but not worth it if you're a customer. For a $200 investment in dating-site software, even a bumbling hacker can create any number of his own fake dating sites which are pretty much like having his own money-printing press. All he needs are a bunch of stolen photos of women and maybe some help from a ghostwriter to create enough female profiles to keep the site from looking like it has 1 woman for every 10 men (FYI these are called "stuffed" sites), then send out a bunch of phony "no thanks" messages to all the male members who think they're writing in to some attractive woman---and a few less-attractive ones, just to give the whole thing some realism. Given the average man's short attention span and the fees which are not too high ($40 seems to be a popular fee), not many of the guys are going to get mad enough to investigate the site and sue the operator. How do I know this? Because for 3 years I had a co-worker who was only 24 when he created and ran a few fake dating sites (he also taught me how to jailbreak my phone). He never got caught, but he stopped running his fake sites once he got a real job. He never said he felt bad about taking money from all those other guys. Edited October 28, 2011 by Disillusioned
oaks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Go straight from online to arranging a date, then get the number 'in case you need to get hold of them'. Rule of thumb: If they're not comfortable agreeing to a date when you're chatting online, they probably won't over a phonecall either. They'll just feel pressured, say yes, then flake. Yes, this. After some emails, ask to meet. If they say "yes" then swap phone numbers and call to confirm the details. If they say "no" then move on. Sometimes they say "I'd rather talk to you on the phone first" which is fine. Of course you can still have several phone calls before the date if you want - to build a connection, to find out more about them, to screen for some deal breakers etc.
FitChick Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Of course you can still have several phone calls before the date if you want - to build a connection, to find out more about them, to screen for some deal breakers etc. That's what I do. It saves wear and tear on the car (and me).
Cypress25 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Have you ever tried that i always thought it was exchange few messages then ask for a number.reason i ask is a girl gonna agree to meet u when she hasnt heard whos shes talkin to Personally, I don't give my phone number to people I've never met. I do online dating and I expect to go straight from exchanging emails on the site to meeting the guy in person. If the first date goes well and he wants a second date, then he can ask for my phone number. So remove the extra step of calling her before meeting her. Just ask her out in an email through the site. If she'd rather talk to you on the phone first, she'll let you know. Well ill try a new plan do i exchange few messages or if i see them on be like hey watcha plans for tonight lets go grab drinks I would suggest exchanging a few messages first. Most women need to know something about a guy before they'd feel comfortable meeting him. And wouldn't you want to know something about the woman you're going to meet? How do you know you want to meet her if you've never talked to her? And if you show up to the date knowing absolutely nothing about each other, what the hell are you going to talk about? I only agree to meet a guy if I think there's potential for a good connection. I need to at least know that we have some common interests and that we might get along. Besides, the other way is the lazy way. It shows that you expect instant results and you're not even willing to put forth the effort of writing one message. I've gotten messages like that and it's insulting because the guy is basically saying "I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so I'm hoping you will fill a hole in my schedule." Women feel much more appreciated when a guy is willing to plan a date in advance and set aside time for her.
Author OCCDAVE Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 So after few messages be like hey wanna grab a drink tonight or do i ask if they got plans
PlumPrincess Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I would suggest exchanging a few messages first. Most women need to know something about a guy before they'd feel comfortable meeting him. And wouldn't you want to know something about the woman you're going to meet? How do you know you want to meet her if you've never talked to her? And if you show up to the date knowing absolutely nothing about each other, what the hell are you going to talk about? I only agree to meet a guy if I think there's potential for a good connection. I need to at least know that we have some common interests and that we might get along. Besides, the other way is the lazy way. It shows that you expect instant results and you're not even willing to put forth the effort of writing one message. I've gotten messages like that and it's insulting because the guy is basically saying "I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so I'm hoping you will fill a hole in my schedule." Women feel much more appreciated when a guy is willing to plan a date in advance and set aside time for her. The dating site I'm on allows people to put a lot of information about themselves on their profile. So before I ask someone out, I check out their profile if we have something in common and whether they seem like decent people. And if a guy asked me out, I would check his profile as well before agreeing to anything. If he didn't have things with me in common, he would be out. I also only meet with guys who have clear pictures of themselves. I don't mind if a guy who happens to have a profile that I find interesting wants to meet me because he has to kill time at the moment. I'd consider him to be open for meeting someone but also pretty realistic at the same time. Two things are a must though: 1. He must have visited my profile. 2. He should mention it somehow in his message. "Hi, I liked your profile. Would you like to go out for drinks now?" is ok. "Hi, would you like to go out for drinks now?" sounds like he is looking for a hook-up. My standards are low, but even I have some.
KathyM Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Online dating can be successful, you just have to be patient and follow a few guidelines. My sister met her significant other on a dating website. My neice met her significant other on a dating website. My friend met his wife on a dating website. Just make sure you join the good, well-known websites--EHarmony, Match.com, and Plenty-of-Fish. After a few Email exchanges with the woman, get the phone number and arrange to meet for coffee. Don't wait too long before asking for the number--and make sure you call the next day after getting it. Don't wait too long between the time you get the number and the time you call, or they will think you are either not that interested, or that you are too preoccupied with other people and are just calling them as a back-up when your first option didn't pan out.
Symetrical-Siren Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I've done it off and on for years. I have found this to be the BEST way to screen people. Some people think that JUST because you're online, that means "instant gratification" - just ADD internet. um....No No one wants to be a statistic. I'm certain I am not the only chick out there that has horror stories from using "ads" to date; be it online, over a phone dating service, or newspaper - I've done all three over the years. The thing about internet is, red flags are easier to spot as time go's on. The way I do it is, when I meet someone online that I really "click" with, I spend a LOT of time getting to know them. Lots of emails and IM's. I don't do this for JUST one or two days, then meet {I'm a tomboy, the majority of my friends are men; it takes patience to WEED OUT the bad eggs}. Some of the ones that just want an "easy" piece of a$$ drop out the game as soon as they find out you won't meet them within the first 2 days of corresponding. However, most men LIKE a challenge; so the weeding process can take days or weeks. I am VERY intuitive. Some people put out readable vibes like a beacon. Those are the easier, quick screeners. The one's that don't are more labor intensive. I have to do a little more intensive investigating. Once corresponding for a while, depending on the guy, his guard or GAME starts to crumble. Once you two get "comfortable" with each other, then his story starts to fall apart. Lies require maintenance, and a LOT of times guys tend to forget what they lied to you about once they are comfortable with you. Honesty is a HUGE thing for me. If I can't trust you, I'm not about to meet you anywhere offline - ever. That's the difference between meeting someone "offline" at a club, library, grocery store [ where ever HIS hunting ground is ], and going online. Unless the guy is a serious con-artist that catalogs every lie he ever gave you OR he's a psychopath.....then most likely, he's going to fail the online screening process if he's not sincere.
PlumPrincess Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 . Two things are a must though: 1. He must have visited my profile. 2. He should mention it somehow in his message. "Hi, I liked your profile. Would you like to go out for drinks now?" is ok. "Hi, would you like to go out for drinks now?" sounds like he is looking for a hook-up. My standards are low, but even I have some. Um, I just looked something up and realized that the last guy I contacted got a message that started with, "Hey, would you like to meet? Like now?" I've been told I'm blunt, but this really opened my eyes right now.
Andy_K Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 The thing about internet is, red flags are easier to spot as time go's on. ... I am VERY intuitive. Some people put out readable vibes like a beacon. Those are the easier, quick screeners. The one's that don't are more labor intensive. I have to do a little more intensive investigating. Once corresponding for a while, depending on the guy, his guard or GAME starts to crumble. Once you two get "comfortable" with each other, then his story starts to fall apart. Lies require maintenance, and a LOT of times guys tend to forget what they lied to you about once they are comfortable with you. Honesty is a HUGE thing for me. If I can't trust you, I'm not about to meet you anywhere offline - ever This is pretty good advice. I'm often amazed by the stories I hear of women meeting really weird guys off the internet. They'll say something like "He hid it so well" - No he didn't. You just didn't look for it. You let him guide all the conversation and met up with him before getting any idea of what was going on under the surface and who he really was. It's pretty easy to lie about superficial things like your interests or your job, but lying about more central parts of your character like your life attitude, your reasons for looking for whatever it is you want, your beliefs or ambitions, that stuff is MUCH harder to make up, a great indication of character, and nearly impossible to fake without conflicting with something else you've said. Signs are always there if you know how to look.
Sabian Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I've met plenty of girls in real life who end up bombing pretty quick. Would you give up on that too? I've met some amazing girls through online dating. People always warn about it, but they're mostly just parroting the elitist attitude that somehow other ways are better. They're not. The people on these sites are real people. Keep at it. You probably wouldn't find a great and interested girl in only a month of approaching girls at bars, and you probably won't online. Keep going and stay diligent. A very good profile and a lot of reading and sending messages goes a long way. And like others have said, get their number and ask them out quickly. Not on the first message, but by the 4th you should have already asked.
irc333 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I think it's a partial waste of time, but not entirely. But, typically, women are at the advantage on a dating sites, and it seems to promote their unrealistic criteria. Some of them whinin' and blogging about their frustrations with online dating RIGHT in their profile. Lecturing AT men, getting on their soap boxes, and shaking their fingers and so on. The string of bitterly written profiles of "Do not email me if...."in call CAPS, is just plain silly. Some of them suprisingly attractive, but some might not get out of the house much, because they don't like men they aren't attracted to, approaching them at a bookstore or grocery store or some wierd policy about not dating someone in their gym....so what do they do? They go behind the safety of their computers on a Sat night, lock the doors, and pick and choose who to respond to in their in box. Just a theory on EXTREME cases, but I've seen my share, and even chatted with a woman that I tried to encourage to hang out with a group of us on a hiking trip or something that happened to be in her area. But she always made excuses to not get out of the house and meet new people. But I find this to be common with veterans of online dating sites, who've been there for years. I have talked to some that have admitted that online dating is the BETTER option than meeting at a church singles function or amongst friends (because they have a no-dating policy dating within their social circle) On a positive note, on those that DO respond....I had a short meet, even made friends with them, but nothing romantic.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 (edited) @OP. The thing is online dating is different for men and for women. For one thing I'm pretty sure that for every woman active on any dating site there are 100 men. So the woman can be choosy. Right now, on a site in my female identity and making it clear that I am transgender* even I still get dozens of emails. To be honest I have been one of those people who is too lazy to deactivate my account. It's unfair to men to expect them to be able to follow the procedures of women in this instance. You need to be proactive, and go out and get what you want. I am a strong beliver in the shotgun technique. It won't work on 99/100 women but you only need it to work once. Send 100 messages to 100 women for 100 days. (One message per woman). I guarantee that if you do that you will meet someone, or more than one someone who has serious interest in you. *My username is a word for two-spirit, transgender Amerindians in an Algonquian language. Someone I would want to be with would need to be knowledgeable of such things. @Siren I hear what you are saying but what is a boy to do? @irc333 The women (and many men) who won't date where they like to go, or within their own circles do so because IF it does not work out those circles can be ruined. Edited October 30, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
irc333 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 @irc333 The women (and many men) who won't date where they like to go, or within their own circles do so because IF it does not work out those circles can be ruined. I don't concern myself with that. Life is about taking risks. Friends come and go anyhow.
Cypress25 Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 So after few messages be like hey wanna grab a drink tonight or do i ask if they got plans Dude, plan the date a few days in advance. Show some respect for their time, don't make it sound like you're asking them out last minute. Ask the woman if she'd be interested in meeting, and if she says yes, say something like "Great, are you free this week/weekend?"
Overthirtymale Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 If you are a short guy (below 5 6 )don't bother with online dating. Everything is superficial and your height will knock you out of 90% of women search lists. There has been a study about this somewhere.
Recommended Posts