Banlieue Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I live in a city but I have a hard time meeting nice, single men my around age (late twenties/early 30's). Most of the nice men I meet are in serious relationships. Does anyone my age recognize this problem? Or do you have a different opinion on this? For example, most of my male colleagues of this age category are taken, same goes for most of my male friends. Does anyone else experience this? Do you also have very few male friends or colleagues that aren't taken? Or do you know plenty that aren't in a relationship? I'd love to hear other people's opinion/stories about this!
Nexus One Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I live in a city but I have a hard time meeting nice, single men my around age (late twenties/early 30's). Most of the nice men I meet are in serious relationships. Does anyone my age recognize this problem? Or do you have a different opinion on this? For example, most of my male colleagues of this age category are taken, same goes for most of my male friends. Does anyone else experience this? Do you also have very few male friends or colleagues that aren't taken? Or do you know plenty that aren't in a relationship? I'd love to hear other people's opinion/stories about this! I think it's a common thing to experience that when you're single in your late twenties or early thirties that you'll see more people around you in a relationship or getting married. Some time ago I found out that a girl I knew from university got married. I saw some wedding photo's. Those were kind of hard to look at, because that made me realize people that in my age range were starting to get married. I've had a string of girls that I caught my interest this past year, most of them turned out to have boyfriends already, so I didn't make any move. But after a while I thought "oh come on, they can't all be taken, this is getting somewhat ridiculous". So yeah, I've been noticing that the pool of single people around me is starting to shrink. It's not surprising though, since 97% of all people will marry at least once before they die. The force in people to look for an SO is strong. It even has me considering online dating, which I thought I'd never do, but such is life.
verhrzn Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I'm also in my mid/late twenties, living in a large-ish Midwestern city, and I've noticed the same thing. I work at a tech company populated with tons of guys my age, and yet they are all married or in serious relationships. I'm starting to think that maybe by the late twenties, we girls have just missed the boat (guys our age will either already be married to college sweethearts or will choose to date younger women), so our choices are either to: date in a much higher age range (my age range is 25-31; I've been told several times that if I want to get married before I'm middle-aged, I should be dating ONLY men who are 32-40) OR wait out the next few years, and start dating the new batch of divorcees that pop up around the mid-30's. Of the guys that aren't in serious relationships in our age group, it seems that there is a reason why: they don't want to be. Even online, I see a lot of guys that say things like they're not really into anything "serious" right now, and they just want someone they can "have fun" and "enjoy a good time" with. I often wish I could do away with the desire for a serious relationship, because if I could be content with casual dating or friends-with-benefits, I think I'd have more opportunities.
zengirl Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Depends on where you live, maybe. If you're in a city and educated, I think it's the best age range for dating. I found dating has gotten a lot easier as I've gotten a bit older (I'm 27). There are some friends who got married young to college or HS sweethearts, but most are still single or just settling down in their mid 30s (most of my friends are a bit older). Of course, I am in a relationship now, but I was 26 when I got into it, and my BF is/was 28 (almost 29--birthday soon!). My last BF is now 30 and was when we broke up. So, I date in about that age range when dating, and I found oodles of single men before I met my current BF. None that were right enough for a relationship with me till him, but plenty of nice, attractive, single, smart guys out there. The idea that someone in this age range has "missed the boat" is ridiculous. I know TONS of guys who want to get married, are in that age range, and are very eligible IMO. And I see them everywhere! If you have an active social life, full of clubs (not the music kind, but the kind where you center around a common interest) and events and local scenes and such, you'll meet lots of singles, who are also the most "out there" socializers usually.
verhrzn Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Depends on where you live, maybe. If you're in a city and educated, I think it's the best age range for dating. I found dating has gotten a lot easier as I've gotten a bit older (I'm 27). There are some friends who got married young to college or HS sweethearts, but most are still single or just settling down in their mid 30s (most of my friends are a bit older). Of course, I am in a relationship now, but I was 26 when I got into it, and my BF is/was 28 (almost 29--birthday soon!). My last BF is now 30 and was when we broke up. So, I date in about that age range when dating, and I found oodles of single men before I met my current BF. None that were right enough for a relationship with me till him, but plenty of nice, attractive, single, smart guys out there. The idea that someone in this age range has "missed the boat" is ridiculous. I know TONS of guys who want to get married, are in that age range, and are very eligible IMO. And I see them everywhere! If you have an active social life, full of clubs (not the music kind, but the kind where you center around a common interest) and events and local scenes and such, you'll meet lots of singles, who are also the most "out there" socializers usually. I have no idea where you live Zengirl, but I can't find a single guy like you describe anywhere. Yeah, I see guys online in my area who say they want to get married... but "wanting to get married" and actually DATING to get married are two very different things. I'm in several social clubs, and all I see are other single women my age, or married guys. I look around restaurants... all the guys my age are with a girl. Given the testimony I've seen on forums and from other women my age, it sounds like your experience is out of ordinary Zengirl.
zengirl Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I have no idea where you live Zengirl, but I can't find a single guy like you describe anywhere. Yeah, I see guys online in my area who say they want to get married... but "wanting to get married" and actually DATING to get married are two very different things. I'm in several social clubs, and all I see are other single women my age, or married guys. I look around restaurants... all the guys my age are with a girl. Given the testimony I've seen on forums and from other women my age, it sounds like your experience is out of ordinary Zengirl. Well, considering that plenty of women DO meet men and get married in and after the age range you mention, statistically (especially educated women, as I said, and especially women of higher socio-economic status as well), I would say my experience is far from extraordinary. While the most commonly used statistical average of marriage may be slightly over 26 (women) and 28 (men) generally, the 25-29 range in all studies I've seen is extremely dense in general and the next range up 30-34 is only slight less dense. You don't really see much drop off at all until after 35 in the statistics. The single average age (mean or mode) doesn't tell you much without looking at the larger swath of data and considering all the different types of statistical averages. So, somewhere in the range of 25-34 (the exact dating range we're talking about!), there is a good chance of getting married. Also, statistics show that the older you are (with a notable change around 24-26---up until a certain age and without a first marriage; divorced people and much older people in the 45+ range tend to spend more time dating), the less time is spent dating before marriage, so as you get to the older years, people are meeting closer to those marriage dates. Thus, they are also more likely to be meeting in those age ranges. I would agree there are many romantically frustrated posters on LS, but that's perhaps a bias of the venue. ETA: Though many of those posters are also male. Their eligibility or desirability may vary, but so may the female posters for that matter. And that's all a matter of opinion, after all. Edited October 28, 2011 by zengirl
Author Banlieue Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Interesting you've got such different views on this, verhrzn and zengirl. I wonder how come verhrzn perceives some kind of 'shortage of single eligible men around this age' whereas zengirl doesn't
verhrzn Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Interesting you've got such different views on this, verhrzn and zengirl. I wonder how come verhrzn perceives some kind of 'shortage of single eligible men around this age' whereas zengirl doesn't Perhaps she's not aware of her desirability in relation to other girls'. After all, if a girl is very attractive, it's not a surprise she finds a surplus of available guys. There was a study put out by OKCupid that found that 2/3rd of the men on the site were messaging 1/3 of the women (the 1/3 most attractive.) So to the other 2/3rd of the female population, it'd look like there was a shortage of active guys on the site, and to the top 1/3rd, it'd look like there were too many!
Author Banlieue Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 ^could very well be Zengirl, did you meet all those single guys on dating sites or did you meet them in other situations like work, through friends etc?
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I live in a city but I have a hard time meeting nice, single men my around age (late twenties/early 30's). Most of the nice men I meet are in serious relationships. My xGF at the age of 29 was cheating on me with a 46 year old guy. Maybe you are limiting yourself by not considering the dirty old guys??
Cee Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 There are places which are teeming with single men. Among those spots I've personally encountered: Texas Hold 'em tables, Gaming groups (board and online), Political discussion groups, Computer related networking groups, Young professionals groups, Bookstores (what ones are left), "Cons" of every ilk, Art openings, Places with free or cheap beer, Indie concerts, and ze clubs. Enter clubs alone and prettified at your own risk. The single men are out there, but you might not encounter one you are interested in right away. But sooner or later, it'll happen.
laotzu Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 We're here, generally just single as the result of a relationship that ended (divorce, engagement, or just a long relationship that lasted from our earlier twenties to this unfortunate age). Where do I look? Online and at the gym, if a girl makes it apparent she's interested, and obviously: work and bars. I'd honestly love to find a girl for a long term relationship, but haven't seen it since I broke up with my ex. Thus, I whine. And use online dating, which I hate. I have three dates next week, all with girls who are ~25. I'd much prefer a ~29 yearold who was looking for something serious, but I feel as though they're all dating older men.
Author Banlieue Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Loatzu, do you notice that most of your male friends and colleagues are in relationships?
make me believe Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 What I see with men in this age group is much more similar to what verhzyn described than zengirl. Particularly when ZG describes swarms of single men just dying to get married. I met my husband when I was 26 (he was 31) and I was starting to notice that most of the eligible guys in the age group I was interested in (late 20s - 32ish) were either taken or just wanted to "have fun." Of the guys that aren't in serious relationships in our age group, it seems that there is a reason why: they don't want to be. Even online, I see a lot of guys that say things like they're not really into anything "serious" right now, and they just want someone they can "have fun" and "enjoy a good time" with. I totally agree with this. Honestly it's quite easy for the average guy to get sex nowadays (although the dudes on LS seem to have a hard time with it for some reason), and a lot of them seem to want to live in this extended adolesence and just bang as many girls as they can while they can still get them. I met tons and tons of guys like this when I was dating. The ones that weren't had generally settled down by their late 20s/early 30s. And I don't think it has much to do with how attractive you are. Maybe it's just where I live, but the girls here are good looking & it seems like that's even MORE of a reason why guys just want to "have fun" with as many of them as possible. Anyway, I think the best way to meet new people in general is through friends. Surely one of your male friends, or the husband of one of your female friends, has a cool & single brother/cousin/etc they could introduce you to? (I met my hubby through my best friend. )
AD1980 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Im 31 and everyone in my social circle is married im the only single one so its hard for me to meet single women
AD1980 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I'm also in my mid/late twenties, living in a large-ish Midwestern city, and I've noticed the same thing. I work at a tech company populated with tons of guys my age, and yet they are all married or in serious relationships. I'm starting to think that maybe by the late twenties, we girls have just missed the boat (guys our age will either already be married to college sweethearts or will choose to date younger women), so our choices are either to: date in a much higher age range (my age range is 25-31; I've been told several times that if I want to get married before I'm middle-aged, I should be dating ONLY men who are 32-40) OR wait out the next few years, and start dating the new batch of divorcees that pop up around the mid-30's. Of the guys that aren't in serious relationships in our age group, it seems that there is a reason why: they don't want to be. Even online, I see a lot of guys that say things like they're not really into anything "serious" right now, and they just want someone they can "have fun" and "enjoy a good time" with. I often wish I could do away with the desire for a serious relationship, because if I could be content with casual dating or friends-with-benefits, I think I'd have more opportunities. I dont know if thats the case im 31 and looking for love,though when women say single Men they usually mean attractive ones which im not
laotzu Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Loatzu, do you notice that most of your male friends and colleagues are in relationships? You're correct, many of them are. To be fair, about half of them got in relationships around the ~30 yearold mark, give or take a year or two. I've been single seven months.
zengirl Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Perhaps she's not aware of her desirability in relation to other girls'. Oh, no, I know I'm beautiful. (Sorry if that sounds rude; I couldn't think of a nicer way to put it.) I'm also smart, fun, highly educated, a really great girlfriend, a bit of a social butterfly, etc. I'm a catch, don't get me wrong. But we're discussing whether the men are out there or not, aren't we? What does that have to do with whether or not they dig you? I'm saying: the men are out there. Whether or not they dig you, I honestly don't know. I'm sure some do, but not sure if those are the same guys you dig. *shrug* I hope at least one is! After all, one is all you need. The list Cee made is great! Based on her description of her BF, and some of the places listed (cons!), I'm guessing Cee and I have the same nerdy, liberal dating pool. Those guys are almost never taken early (they were nerds!) and almost always want to settle down (they still are nerds!), so that also probably feeds into the ease with which I find guys. Places I can also add are: beer pubs (the kind with oodles of microbrews on tap), quiz nights, volunteering, particularly in politics or demonstrations like the 99% type stuff (I got hit on like 4 times an hour there before the BF showed up!), improv classes, and outdoor/environmental groups. ^could very well be Zengirl, did you meet all those single guys on dating sites or did you meet them in other situations like work, through friends etc? Never through work lately (used to, in past careers, sure), as there are basically no men in my field (well, very few), as I'm in education and currently work for a nonprofit where I work mainly from sites and home. Rarely through friends in a direct way, but certainly through socializing a lot---and out at many of the places Cee mentions and that I add to. And yes, online as well. I met the current BF online, and he wouldn't even BE in that OKC graph because I wrote him! He was messaging exactly 0 of the girls online and only responded to messages. Same thing with the last exBF. Both got plenty of messages. The girls who tend to be frustrated with dating in general seem to just want a guy to come out and express interest in them out of nowhere, but the guys that do that DON'T generally want relationships, so it's a Catch-22. That's my observation. What I see with men in this age group is much more similar to what verhzyn described than zengirl. Particularly when ZG describes swarms of single men just dying to get married. I don't know about "swarms" but I do know plenty who want to have kids and get married and just haven't found the right girl. That doesn't mean they want to marry every girl they meet (or else they'd be married), but they aren't looking to play around. Those guys tend to have had a few long relationships but stay single awhile right before they finally find the girl (pattern based on the ones I have seen recently get married, usually closer to mid30s), and they get pretty picky in that period, sure. But shouldn't they be? Anyway, for me, dating has definitely gotten easier than when I was in my early 20s. I know better what I want, and I know better how to get it now.
Eliana Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I'm on the same boat here. Mid twenties, and most of my co-workers are either married or on long term relationships, which also makes them unlikely to introduce me to potential partners (their friends are married too, etc). I think it's also related to the culture in the UK, young people here start working very early, house rents are crazy, so the tendency is to get together with a partner to be able to afford leaving the parents house, and start an adult life really early. One thing that surprised me was the amount of young women who have had babies. Meaning many divorced and available men already have kids in their lives. I'm honestly considering going back to my country in a year or two where I will probably find a partner a lot easier, most youngsters go to college and university so by the time they are my age they are still available.
Author Banlieue Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 What I see with men in this age group is much more similar to what verhzyn described than zengirl. Particularly when ZG describes swarms of single men just dying to get married. I met my husband when I was 26 (he was 31) and I was starting to notice that most of the eligible guys in the age group I was interested in (late 20s - 32ish) were either taken or just wanted to "have fun." I totally agree with this. Honestly it's quite easy for the average guy to get sex nowadays (although the dudes on LS seem to have a hard time with it for some reason), and a lot of them seem to want to live in this extended adolesence and just bang as many girls as they can while they can still get them. I met tons and tons of guys like this when I was dating. The ones that weren't had generally settled down by their late 20s/early 30s. at what places did you meet guys at that time? I can imagine if you met guys mainly at clubs and bars, many of them wouldn't be looking for a serious relationship and just want to 'have fun' Eliana, do you live in a big city or a small town?
Eliana Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Eliana, do you live in a big city or a small town? Town of 50-60 000 people maybe. Why do you ask?
Author Banlieue Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 (edited) I read somewhere in small towns people tend to get married at a younger age than people in the big cities, so it might have to do something with that? zengirl, what exactly do you mean when you're talking about 'a liberal dating pool'? Edited October 29, 2011 by Banlieue
verhrzn Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Oh, no, I know I'm beautiful. (Sorry if that sounds rude; I couldn't think of a nicer way to put it.) I'm also smart, fun, highly educated, a really great girlfriend, a bit of a social butterfly, etc. I'm a catch, don't get me wrong. But we're discussing whether the men are out there or not, aren't we? What does that have to do with whether or not they dig you? I'm saying: the men are out there. Whether or not they dig you, I honestly don't know. I'm sure some do, but not sure if those are the same guys you dig. *shrug* I hope at least one is! After all, one is all you need. The list Cee made is great! Based on her description of her BF, and some of the places listed (cons!), I'm guessing Cee and I have the same nerdy, liberal dating pool. Those guys are almost never taken early (they were nerds!) and almost always want to settle down (they still are nerds!), so that also probably feeds into the ease with which I find guys. Places I can also add are: beer pubs (the kind with oodles of microbrews on tap), quiz nights, volunteering, particularly in politics or demonstrations like the 99% type stuff (I got hit on like 4 times an hour there before the BF showed up!), improv classes, and outdoor/environmental groups. Seriously, I am more and more beliving that we live on different planets Zengirl... I am a frequent Con-goer and video game forum goer, and I run into only two types of guys: taken by fellow female nerds (being a female nerd no longer has the 'edge' it used to) or guys who are just looking for a casual thing. I've also done volunteering at museums and animal shelters, and the fellow volunteers are either retired folks, or other young single women! But perhaps we live on different planets because you ARE a catch, and I am not so much (good job, decent personality, that's about it.) There was a recent poll put out that said something like 96% of men wanted to get married if they found the right girl... The article spun it as a positive ("Look how many men want to get married!") but-it isn't really. I mean, who WOULDN'T want to get married if they found someone perfect? So if you have everything going for you, it's no wonder you find all of these amazing single men. What man WOULDN'T want a girlfriend who was hot, smart, fun, out going, etc.? But are there eligible men for women who are NOT a 9/10? Do all the guys only want to date perfect girl, and if you're NOT perfect, then the dating world IS a waste land.
Author Banlieue Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 You're correct, many of them are. To be fair, about half of them got in relationships around the ~30 yearold mark, give or take a year or two. I've been single seven months. are they the kind of people who were 'having fun' (having lots of girls etc.) for a long time before they got in serious relationships at around 30? Do you have any idea why they remained single until around 30?
make me believe Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 at what places did you meet guys at that time? I can imagine if you met guys mainly at clubs and bars, many of them wouldn't be looking for a serious relationship and just want to 'have fun' I agree about guys in bars/clubs, but I was meeting guys all over the place. I met the three guys I dated before my husband: in a grocery store, at work, and randomly while babysitting my niece & playing with her in the neighborhood. So I definitely wasn't out in clubs wondering why all the guys just wanted to hook up!
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