perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I just wanted to throw this out there. I know it is really easy to hate them and be angry, believe me, I was angry for the longest time at my ex, but I believe I am very close to truly forgiving him for everything he has done. I feel a million times better about things now that I am at this point, it doesn't eat at me as much ya know? I already feel like I am close to becoming that better person I promised myself I would become when I dropped contact with my ex a month ago. Do I miss him? Hell freaking yea! Not a day goes by where I don't think about him, but it doesn't get me down. I feel like with time and letting go, the bad that happened between us is slowly fading from my memory and all I can remember are the numerous great times we had together. If him and I ever find our way back to each other's lives, then I really feel like we can develop an even stronger bond. He may be seeing some other people, but I know for sure him and I still care deeply about one another and that we always seem to miss each other after a lot of time. We will see, but regardless, it just feels good to know I am healing I want to know how everyone is doing with forgiving their ex and such? Has anyone else been able to let go as well?
AlisaMarie Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I am having a difficult time with this right now. Forgiving a man that left me for the same girl 3 times is hard, but forgiving myself for letting him use me as a doormat is even harder. He has serious personality issues so I can't exactly blame him for just being a douche. He needs to seek help for is instability. He has a small child that he needs to be healthy for. Right now I HATE him. I want to smack the sh*t out of him till he comes to his senses... but he projects his wrong doings on me so I am the one the ruined the relationship- even though the night he left... the girl he cheated and left me for two other times was at his house. Hmmm. Yeah... forgiving myself comes first... I am not worrying about his soul anymore.
wilsonx Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 The only thing that matters really is forgiving yourself. You can forgive your ex all you want but that doesn't solve the ultimate problem of you. It shows you are still focused on someone else and not you. It might be too early in the breakup for you to understand this but you will reach this point
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I just wanted to throw this out there. I know it is really easy to hate them and be angry, believe me, I was angry for the longest time at my ex, but I believe I am very close to truly forgiving him for everything he has done. I feel a million times better about things now that I am at this point, it doesn't eat at me as much ya know? I already feel like I am close to becoming that better person I promised myself I would become when I dropped contact with my ex a month ago. Do I miss him? Hell freaking yea! Not a day goes by where I don't think about him, but it doesn't get me down. I feel like with time and letting go, the bad that happened between us is slowly fading from my memory and all I can remember are the numerous great times we had together. If him and I ever find our way back to each other's lives, then I really feel like we can develop an even stronger bond. He may be seeing some other people, but I know for sure him and I still care deeply about one another and that we always seem to miss each other after a lot of time. We will see, but regardless, it just feels good to know I am healing I want to know how everyone is doing with forgiving their ex and such? Has anyone else been able to let go as well? I've forgiven her for her reasons but still having some trouble letting go. It would be selfish of me for not allowing her to follow her heart and what she really wants and who she really loves. I have forgiven,, but haven't forgotten.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I've forgiven her for her reasons but still having some trouble letting go. It would be selfish of me for not allowing her to follow her heart and what she really wants and who she really loves. I have forgiven,, but haven't forgotten. Sometimes the best love you can give someone is to let them go...I know it is rough, because that is what I am doing with my ex at the moment. I personally have an unconditional love for my ex I realized and I do want the best for him in life, even if that means I need to step out of his life. Stepping out of their life really does allow you to focus on yourself though, which is a primary goal of NC. It does get better with time, cliche statement, but it is so true.
snug.bunny Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 That's good to hear!! As for me, forgiving someone is a personal choice and whether or not I've forgiven said person, doesn't really matter.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 The only thing that matters really is forgiving yourself. You can forgive your ex all you want but that doesn't solve the ultimate problem of you. It shows you are still focused on someone else and not you. It might be too early in the breakup for you to understand this but you will reach this point I agree. Ultimately, you have to get back together with yourself and grow from the break up.
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Love your picture Snug.bunny,,, made me smile.
snug.bunny Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Love your picture Snug.bunny,,, made me smile. Thanks.
leoc1973 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Perfectlyflawed, you know I do find it hard to forgive mine because all I ever wanted is to be loved unconditionally. I know I know I am still focusing on someone else although I try not to. I guess I keep trying to figure what I did wrong in the relationship but I think I was pretty solid. You know how there are guys that just can't be happy with one woman. Well that is my ex except a female version. She isn't looking for mr right she is looking for mr perfect. And wilson I know I am focusing on her so I will slap myself for it in a minute. It just seems like there are so many great girls on this forum who had these piece of **** boyfriends and all the nice guys that got walked all over. I think this should be a matchmaker site lol! But perfectly i know exactly what you are talking about and I think I am getting there too.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Perfectlyflawed, you know I do find it hard to forgive mine because all I ever wanted is to be loved unconditionally. I know I know I am still focusing on someone else although I try not to. I guess I keep trying to figure what I did wrong in the relationship but I think I was pretty solid. You know how there are guys that just can't be happy with one woman. Well that is my ex except a female version. She isn't looking for mr right she is looking for mr perfect. And wilson I know I am focusing on her so I will slap myself for it in a minute. It just seems like there are so many great girls on this forum who had these piece of **** boyfriends and all the nice guys that got walked all over. I think this should be a matchmaker site lol! But perfectly i know exactly what you are talking about and I think I am getting there too. With people like this, it is best to just let them go. Selfless love is a very beautiful love you can give someone and I firmly believe that most people like this realize that they had it great with us. It just takes a very long time for them to realize it, usually when we are long gone. It has happened to so many of my friends and it has happened to every guy that has rejected me in the past. With those three guys it took to as little as two months to as long as four years for them to realize that I was something worth keeping, but by then I didn't have feelings for them. I am happy we did remain great friends though and am glad they are happy. You can't help but take into account the person you love, so I wouldn't slap myself for it. I think it okay to take them into account, but put yourself as the primary focus ya know?
Bobby289 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I have nothing to forgive my ex for except for the pain but I'm not the only one. I'm glad you are feeling better though and realizing you have to let go sometimes. I spoke with my ex today( yeah yeah hate all you want everyone:rolleyes:) and said my piece she hinted she wanted to give me a chance back in her life and I just said I am not going to initiate contact and I just want her to be better again, with or without me. So ball is in her court but I know I am becoming a better person for myself and if she sees that too maybe she will contact me but thats not the main focus anymore. Edited October 28, 2011 by Bobby289
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I have nothing to forgive my ex for except for the pain but I'm not the only one. I'm glad you are feeling better though and realizing you have to let go sometimes. I spoke with my ex today( yeah yeah hate all you want everyone:rolleyes:) and said my piece she hinted she wanted to give me a chance back in her life and I just said I am not going to initiate contact and I just want her to be better again, with or without me. So ball is in her court but I know I am becoming a better person for myself and if she sees that to maybe she will contact me but thats not the main focus anymore. Thank you! And I am glad to hear that things can potentially get better for you guys! I think how you are approaching it is very smart and as long as you stand your ground and continue to move forward with your life, it could definitely up the chances of her realizing what she had. Good for you, I hope all goes well with whatever happens!
lymtal1 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 pf459, i have forgiven. we did not end badly. she did not cheat on me. she was very upfront and honest. the ONLY thing she did bad was yank my heart out of my chest and stomp on it. the hurt was very bad as i still miss her but know that we will never be together. but, i absolutely know why she did what she did and i to this day do not blame her. she was much younger and needed to experience life as i did, so to speak, as i am older. she got gigs and the if we stay together i will hate you in two years thing. i think the worst thing she ever said to me was i don't know what i would do without you. that was the week she b/u with me. my response was, you will do everything that you think you can't do with me. basically i did let her go. i really had not much to forgive but i did forgive her for the hurt i felt. if i had heard that she was sorry one more time i thought i was going to pull my head off. i wish i had a reason not to forgive. it might make it easier. it still is not easy.
Bobby289 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Thank you! And I am glad to hear that things can potentially get better for you guys! I think how you are approaching it is very smart and as long as you stand your ground and continue to move forward with your life, it could definitely up the chances of her realizing what she had. Good for you, I hope all goes well with whatever happens! Thanks, learning about myself helps a lot. I don't see "false hope" being relevant anymore because I am not hoping for anything but myself right now. Of course I miss her and think about her more than anything else but I can't let it hold me back. If she wants me back in her life then I'll cross that bridge when it comes, but why burn any bridges before you get to them?
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 pf459, i have forgiven. we did not end badly. she did not cheat on me. she was very upfront and honest. the ONLY thing she did bad was yank my heart out of my chest and stomp on it. the hurt was very bad as i still miss her but know that we will never be together. but, i absolutely know why she did what she did and i to this day do not blame her. she was much younger and needed to experience life as i did, so to speak, as i am older. she got gigs and the if we stay together i will hate you in two years thing. i think the worst thing she ever said to me was i don't know what i would do without you. that was the week she b/u with me. my response was, you will do everything that you think you can't do with me. basically i did let her go. i really had not much to forgive but i did forgive her for the hurt i felt. if i had heard that she was sorry one more time i thought i was going to pull my head off. i wish i had a reason not to forgive. it might make it easier. it still is not easy. I understand how that feels, my ex is younger than me also. I just graduated and he is a junior in high school. I know it wouldn't have been fair to both of us to put each other in such a relationship where it was long distance, after all, we are both very young and have a lot of growing up to do. As hard as it was, like you, I know it was the right thing to do to finally let him go and live his life, so I can live my own. Timing is such a huge factor, and I don't think it was our time since we are at such different stages in life. I would be thankful that it ended on a good note, because believe me, I am sure many others would kill to not go through finding out about their sig. other cheating or something. It isn't easy any way you look at it, but it does get easier each passing day. It always helps to remain positive and to remember that there is always a reason to smile
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I've forgiven her for her reasons but still having some trouble letting go. It would be selfish of me for not allowing her to follow her heart and what she really wants and who she really loves. I have forgiven,, but haven't forgotten. In addition to "but haven't forgotten" is how I was there for her before,, during and after her surgery, then dumps me 2 weeks later.Ouch! Haven't forgot/forgiven that yet.
lalalandman Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 The only thing that matters really is forgiving yourself. You can forgive your ex all you want but that doesn't solve the ultimate problem of you. It shows you are still focused on someone else and not you. It might be too early in the breakup for you to understand this but you will reach this point Very true. As soon as I forgave myself, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. So many bad feelings and negativity were flushed out. This felt like the true turning point in the moving on process.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks, learning about myself helps a lot. I don't see "false hope" being relevant anymore because I am not hoping for anything but myself right now. Of course I miss her and think about her more than anything else but I can't let it hold me back. If she wants me back in her life then I'll cross that bridge when it comes, but why burn any bridges before you get to them? Very well said! I feel pretty much the exact same way you do. Focusing on you does feel great and making something out of your life is very rewarding. I woudn't say I am hoping and waiting around, but I do have a very strong feeling of him and I crossing paths again one day. Like you said, I will cross that bridge when it comes and I see no point in burning that bridge because the future works in funny ways.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 In addition to "but haven't forgotten" is how I was there for her before,, during and after her surgery, then dumps me 2 weeks later.Ouch! Haven't forgot/forgiven that yet. Oh wow! I am sorry to hear that I can tell you are a very great person, and honestly good luck to her in finding someone that would be there for her to the extent that you were. She most likely will have a very very hard time in doing so
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