Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I am curious on thoughts on the whole idea of the guy code/girl code. The whole idea of "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" and gender loyatly. Is this healthy? Or not? Do you partcipate in a guy code/girl code or do you avoid it? If you avoid it, how do you avoid it? if you are participate in it, how do you partcipate? What do you guys think about it?
Jynxx Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You don't tell on a friend, whatever gender. You don't do it because of some code or social convention, you do it because friendship implies loyalty. Lie if you have to. The whole putting a fancy name on it is just a trick to explain it to people with the IQ of the cast of Jersey Shore.
Woggle Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Both genders stick together and pretty much side with each other no matter what.
Imageiko Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 It has nothing to do with gender it's about being loyal to your friends no matter the gender. It's not your job to meddle in your friends life or impose your morals on them. You're there to support them and offer advice if appropriate in good times and bad. If you feel so strongly that you're morals don't match and you're tempted to meddle than you shouldn't be friends in the first place.
thehead Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ^Yup. It works on the assumption that people are automatically closer friends to those of their own gender. What it really boils down to is what is right and wrong in any situation. I won't cover for a guy friend in my circle just because he's a guy. If he's screwing over a girl friend, I'll call him out on it. The "code" is not being a f*cked up friend.
joystickd Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 1. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Essentially if you or one of your friends starts talking to a woman. The you or your friend has to talk to other one to keep her from cockblocking. If she is ugly then its taking one for the team. 2. You gotta check you buddy. If he is out here cupcaking on the phone or spending excessive amounts of money on a chick. You gotta let him know no trickin allowed. that's my only two. The main thing is get some friends with credibility in dating. Women take advice from a friend about her boyfriend from someone who can't keep or don't have a significant other.
Emilia Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 It has nothing to do with gender it's about being loyal to your friends no matter the gender. It's not your job to meddle in your friends life or impose your morals on them. You're there to support them and offer advice if appropriate in good times and bad. If you feel so strongly that you're morals don't match and you're tempted to meddle than you shouldn't be friends in the first place. 99%. I think there are times when you think your friend is out of line and you have to 'meddle' but if it's real friendship you can resolve that. Nothing to do with gender whatsoever
Forever Learning Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I've seen some guys (not all, not even a majority, just some) have a guy code in order to help other guys get laid, the premise being the favor is returned down the line and eventually everyone gets laid with a little help from wingmen, etc. Usually fairly innoculous in nature, but sometimes distasteful or even downright insidious when helping to cover infidelity or aggressive sexual behavior. The girl code I've seen mostly was girls helping rescue, escape or protect other girls in difficult situations of all types. Not really a sexual component, more of a survival theme in bad situations. And I've seen it cross gender lines too all depending on the pre-existing personal bonds that were already formed between friends. One unspoken alliance that I really enjoy at this point in my life is the Mommy Code. Moms looking out for children other than their own. It's really beautiful and universal among most women who are mothers. It's one of those really neat things in life and seems to be a genetic feature which appears especially once a woman becomes a mother. Although women without children have it as well, but not necessarily as prominently. Just my experience.
zengirl Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I don't follow any "gender" codes. I do, however, endeavor to be a good friend. If a friend tells me something secret, it stays secret. I'm a huge proponent of honesty, but I'm not a tattletale by nature. If I see a male or female friend do something their SO would disapprove of and the SO is not ALSO my friend or is only my friend because the first friend is my friend, my loyalty would stop me from ratting them out in most cases (depending on how severe the infraction), but I wouldn't just be totally cool with it if I felt it was something they should tell their partner. I'd tell them so, but I wouldn't meddle beyond that, unless it was something huge like they had a 2nd family or some giant betrayal. That's how friendship works; it's a relatively safe space. In fact. . . the only way I'd really meddle would be if I was not planning on remaining friends with that person; and the behaviors that are huge betrayals would likely sway me that way because I don't want to be friend with giant jerks. But none of that has to do with gender. I mean, I suppose I watch out for a girl more if we're going out for a night on the town than I would for a male friend, but that's pure safety reasons (and it varies by friend, as well, depending on their individual weaknesses). My male friends probably aren't going to be roofied. Someone mentioned that as a code, and I didn't really think of it that way. If my male friend was going to be hit by a bus, I'd try just as hard to stop that, though; just different threats because of the way that stuff works. I hardly ever go to clubs anymore anyway, so that's kind of irrelevant to my life nowadays though.
thatone Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I've seen some guys (not all, not even a majority, just some) have a guy code in order to help other guys get laid, the premise being the favor is returned down the line and eventually everyone gets laid with a little help from wingmen, etc. Usually fairly innoculous in nature, but sometimes distasteful or even downright insidious when helping to cover infidelity or aggressive sexual behavior. The girl code I've seen mostly was girls helping rescue, escape or protect other girls in difficult situations of all types. Not really a sexual component, more of a survival theme in bad situations. the word you're looking for is enabling. men enable their male friends' bad behavior. and women enable their female friends' bad behavior. i will say that women tend to take it to extremes, whereas men don't. men don't care about the suffering of those with whom they are not acquainted, for the most part. there is no knee jerk gender identity defense mechanism with men. but on the other hand you can find lots of threads on this forum from women who defend cheaters, for instance, with the assumption that "he must've done something, it's his fault that she cheated on him". men don't have that oprah complex like women do. Edited October 28, 2011 by thatone
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I am curious on thoughts on the whole idea of the guy code/girl code. The whole idea of "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" and gender loyatly. Is this healthy? Or not? Do you partcipate in a guy code/girl code or do you avoid it? If you avoid it, how do you avoid it? if you are participate in it, how do you partcipate? What do you guys think about it? I practice girl code and guy code too for that matter. If I'm close friends with someone, doesn't matter what gender, I'll be loyal to them. If I know something that I think they should know, I'll tell them.
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Both genders stick together and pretty much side with each other no matter what. Not necessarily. It depends on how close you are with someone. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl. You're going to side with who you are closer friends with and who your loyalty lies with.
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