irc333 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I have this female friend I hang out with sometimes. We've become pretty good "Friends" But I have my doubts now. We had a Halloween get together at an event in downtown area. I asked someone to take our picture together somewhere in front of a statue or something. I uploaded said photos to my FB, she goes to grab THAT photo, and makes her profile pic....for a moment it's both her and me. the next day, she has me all cropped out of it, and just her in the pic. I felt kind of put off about that, but wouldn't anyone be? I think I recall her saying that she tries to keep other men she's with out of her FB pics because she doesn't want other people to think just because they're together, that they're dating. Thus the reason both men and women can't be friends? Ladies, have you deliberately cropped out your male friends in your FB profile because other people might think you're dating?
grkBoy Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 You're thinking too much into this. It's her profile photo. She wants it to be of her...not her and some guy.
Cypress25 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Thus the reason both men and women can't be friends? She never said you're not her friend. She just doesn't want you in her profile picture. What does that have to do with being friends? Ladies, have you deliberately cropped out your male friends in your FB profile because other people might think you're dating? I'm sure a lot of people do it. Personally, I crop out all other people in my FB profile pic because the profile pic is supposed to say "This is me." It's not supposed to say "This is me and my friend" or "This is me and my boyfriend" or "Guess which one of these 5 people is me." And if people see a profile pic that includes a man and a woman together, they'll assume they're boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Your friend didn't want anyone to make that mistake. Big deal.
dasein Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 That's actually very rude, esp without feeling you out about it first. Forget the gender thing for a minute, I'd be annoyed if male friends cropped me out of their pics.
Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Good grief. Just because ONE female crops a dude out of HER profile picture, this means men and women can NEVER be friends?? I wonder what all of my friends - including my female BFFs - who are cropped out of my pictures think... Oh wait, they don't! Because it says nothing about them or how I feel about them. Get real.
Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 That's actually very rude, esp without feeling you out about it first. Forget the gender thing for a minute, I'd be annoyed if male friends cropped me out of their pics. This is honestly crazy talk. You actually expect your same sex friends to consult you prior to cropping a profile photo so that it's just of them? My lord.
Cypress25 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 That's actually very rude, esp without feeling you out about it first. Forget the gender thing for a minute, I'd be annoyed if male friends cropped me out of their pics. Oh please, people can do whatever they want with their own FB pics. You don't have to get someone's permission before cropping them out of a photo. Sometimes I crop friends out if they've got red eye or they look terrible in the picture. I crop myself out of pictures if I look bad! Now, if someone consistently crops you out of every single photo, it means one of two things: either they hate you or you always look bad in pictures.
Lil1 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Ladies, have you deliberately cropped out your male friends in your FB profile because other people might think you're dating? No I have never done this. I think this is very juvenile. If she is truly a friend to you then you should be able to ask her why she cropped you out and she should give you an honest answer. The only reason why I would ever see myself doing something like this is if ..... actually I can't really think of a good reason why someone would do this, even if YOU asked me to be cropped from the picture I would just remove the picture altogether. Maybe she uses facebook primarily as a 'hook up' tool and doesn't want to seem tied down? This just seems very immature. I think you should ask your friend why she did this if it's really bothering you that much. As far as the topic of friendship between men and women, I believe it is absolutely possible as long as you maintain healthy boundaries. I think that when you start getting too touchy with eachother is when confusion is created and it alters the dynamics of the friendship.
Cee Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I put a pic of me and my BFF on my Facebook and he commented that he hoped people understood that he's a gay man and very much single and available. I laughed about it and assured him no one would think we were dating. Men and women can be platonic friends as long as they understand that neither is a stand in for lover/partner. Your friend cropping out the photo is a neutral act. What's more important is how she treats you. Is she a good listener and fun to be around? That's friend material, IMO.
dasein Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) How about not using pictures that you have to crop people out of other than exes? Thanks for the helping of straw man, no I don't expect friends to consult me before cropping me out, in fact it has never happened to me. But it would annoy me to see someone cropping me out of FB pics, not enrage or anger, but annoy. Most people post many pics on FB of lots of people, groups, places things, and more pics are as close as any phone now, so let's not pretend that cropping someone who is on your friend's list and will surely see it, without asking them, is ever a necessary thing to do. My point that was ignored was that thoughtful people generally don't crop their friends out of pictures that they then display where those people can see them. What if you went on vacation with family or friends and they then posted pics of the vacation with you cropped out without some good reason? Yeah, it's rude, keep rationalizing. And to continue, I've never seen men doing this kind of thing, only women. Likewise, I've never ever seen men with photo albums full of pics of mostly themselves in their fabulousness and portraits and crop jobs of themselves all over their house...but many many women. Yes OP, there are lots of reasons men and women have difficulty being real friends, not only the sexual issues, but the vast general differences in levels of vanity and self-absorption. Edited October 28, 2011 by dasein
threebyfate Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Shift your perspective. Is it fine to post pics of your friends, family members or even romantic partners on the Internet, without their permission? Or even pics of random strangers? With Internet trawling software so readily available, it's too easy for people to locate others to get information on them. I think it wise and considerate that she crop you out of the pic. At least she's just risking her own identity.
dasein Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...and that wins the prize for the biggest rationalization I've ever seen on any forum on the internet in 20 years. Grats.
ScienceGal Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Would you be upset if it were a male friend that had cropped you out? What about a female lesbian friend? Point is, she is a friend but you're reading into it so much that it's pretty clear you want to be more than "friends". If that weren't the case, you wouldn't be so bothered by it.
Cypress25 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 And to continue, I've never seen men doing this kind of thing, only women. Likewise, I've never ever seen men with photo albums full of pics of mostly themselves in their fabulousness and portraits and crop jobs of themselves all over their house...but many many women. We're talking about the profile pic here. The one that appears as a thumbnail next to your name whenever you post something on FB. It makes sense for that photo to be just you. That's only one picture. We're not talking about cropping people out of all your pics or removing people from entire photo albums. This is just ONE PHOTO, try to keep it in perspective. thoughtful people generally don't crop their friends out of pictures that they then display where those people can see them. What if you went on vacation with family or friends and they then posted pics of the vacation with you cropped out without some good reason? That's not what the OP is talking about. He was cropped out of one picture, the one that's supposed to serve as a Facebook ID.
Star Gazer Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 How about not using pictures that you have to crop people out of other than exes? Should we all go to Glamour Shots or JC Penney's portrait studio or have a friend take a picture of JUST US to fit your rule about not cropping photos for an individual's profile picture? Because I have very few pictures of myself that don't have other people in them.
Fondue Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I'm going to ignore what you wrote about her cropping you out. I don't think that's a big deal at all... But as far as the whole male/female friendship thing goes, I found that I can be friends (great friends) with females I have no attraction for. Regardless of whether or not they are attracted to me, if I am not into them sexually, I can be great friends with 'em. That's how it's always been with me. Friends are friends. Regardless of genitalia. It just gets complicated if you have a "thing" for 'em. If you disregard all that, then you shouldn't have issue with just having an extra friend of the opposite gender .
dasein Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Because I have very few pictures of myself that don't have other people in them. I have a hunch you will remain in the pictures even if you don't crop your dear friends and family out of them.
dasein Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 This is just ONE PHOTO, try to keep it in perspective. That's my point, in two different ways. Why would it be necessary to have a cropped picture of you only as your profile shot? no reason, many people have multiple people in their profile picture. Why would it be necessary to have that particular picture as your profile shot? no reason. My FB profile pic is actually a "thing" right now due to the holiday, not even the same old headshot it has been for years. Sorry no, your "profile pic" argument holds no water at all. Why would it be thoughtful to ask someone before you cropped them out of a picture that they were likely to see? Basic human compassion and consideration. To avoid "Wow are they mad at me? do they not consider me a friend? are they ashamed of me? did I look that bad in the picture? do they think I detract from the picture somehow? do they think I'm ugly?" Said it before and saying it again, it's plain rude to do such without even letting the person know if they are likely to see the pic. No way around it. People are most exposed to cropped pictures when exes are concerned, ex GFBF, husband wife, we have all seen them, the disembodied hand over the shoulder, the "jaggedy sleeve" effect, and those pictures have certain connotations. but another poster, Lil1 said it better and more succingtly, it's juvenile.
Cypress25 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Why would it be necessary to have a cropped picture of you only as your profile shot? no reason, many people have multiple people in their profile picture. It's not necessary, but some people want a profile picture that is just their own face. Personally, I want my profile pic to identify me, I don't want a profile pic where I'm lost in a group of friends. Why would it be necessary to have that particular picture as your profile shot? no reason. Maybe because you like it? I'm not a very photogenic person. I have very few photos of myself where I actually look decent. So if I happen to take a good picture, I'd like to use it as my profile pic. Sorry no, your "profile pic" argument holds no water at all. My argument that people can do whatever they want with their own profile pic? That argument holds no water? You'll never convince anyone that people are not allowed to choose their own profile pic and edit it as they see fit. People don't need good reasons or solid arguments to justify their FB profile pic. You choose a picture you like, that's it. There are no rules for this sort of thing. Why would it be thoughtful to ask someone before you cropped them out of a picture that they were likely to see? Basic human compassion and consideration. To avoid "Wow are they mad at me? do they not consider me a friend? are they ashamed of me? did I look that bad in the picture? do they think I detract from the picture somehow? do they think I'm ugly?" If someone thinks all that just because they've been cropped out of a profile pic, then they have serious emotional problems. No one could possibly be that insecure. Especially when it's someone's profile pic, it makes sense to crop out everyone else. Besides, the original photo is usually posted elsewhere on FB. For example, I recently took a picture with 2 of my friends. I uploaded this photo to a FB album and tagged all 3 of us. Then I took a copy of the photo, cropped out my 2 friends, and made that my profile pic. Because I happened to like the way I look in that picture, and I want my profile pic to be just me. I didn't ask my friends' permission first and they weren't offended by it. They can see the original picture in my album. Most people do this. They upload and tag the original photo with everyone in it, and then use a cropped version as their profile pic. What's the big deal? but another poster, Lil1 said it better and more succingtly, it's juvenile. I think it's juvenile to get upset when someone crops you out of a picture. Because guess what? Your friend's profile pic is not about you! People get to personalize their FB page however they want. If they want their profile pic to be just their headshot, that's allowed. If they want to crop your ugly face out of their profile pic, that's allowed too. Get over yourself, you are not the most important person in every picture.
Stung Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 In the earlier days of FB I probably would have been a little offended if someone cropped me out of their profile picture, but then my perspective changed and I grew to see different social nuances in that specific medium. As another poster stated, the profile pic has different rules, a different stature than regular wall photos and certainly different rules than an album of mementos in a loved one's house. I would absolutely be taken aback if somebody cropped me out of all their personal pictures and mementos, and in that circumstance I might assume our friendship was on shaky ground if not over already. Solely cropping me out of one photo chosen to be their own personal profile picture...meh. I wouldn't look too hard for a hidden message there, other than that the other person liked that picture of themselves. Over time, of course, the shiny has worn off of FB and I've grown to invest a lot less emotional energy in random Facebookian shenanigans. I update my status maybe once a month, and only rarely post pictures. I have some privacy concerns about Facebook and it's policies, so I am overall grateful when somebody checks with me first before they post any pictures with me in them. As a general fallback rule, I'd prefer to be cropped out than have pics of me uploaded and tagged all over the internet--I HATE it when people tag pics of me without asking me first, it's a real pet peeve. My stepdaughter is bugging us for her own FB account--so far we've said no, she's a little young, but her actual mother has already said yes so it's going to happen sooner rather than later. I've been teaching her about internet savvy and privacy, I'll start in on FB etiquette soon. I'll have to let her make some of her own calls, of course, but I would teach her that cropping people out of her pics certainly can be rude and invite misunderstanding, and so can stuff like uploading and tagging pics of people without asking if it's okay. Ultimately, some of the decisions she makes there will obviously hinge on her relationship and communication with the actual individuals involved, because people have their own takes on some of the rules and etiquette there and there's no pleasing everyone.
Jynxx Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Awesome! You found a single example that you can without any doubt extrapolate to the approximately 12 quintillion male-female combinations on this planet. Better contact the Nobel Prize committee.
Thieves Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Aaaand, yet another reason why Facebook has too much potential to harm relationships that haven't even started yet. OP, in my opinion, yes. You are reading a bit too into it. I can see if she crops you out of her photos continually and it starts to seem a little strange, but otherwise, if it's just happened with one or two photos... I don't see the reason why a big deal has to be made out of it. In the end, it's her Facebook profile, she can do what she wishes with it. And yes, that includes cropping whichever people she wants out of her photos. Like another poster said, she probably just wants her profile picture to be of only her, which is understandable, or she doesn't want people to assume you're already dating. Which is also understandable. It could honestly have barely anything to do with you. Obviously you are already into her and somewhat put off by this, so you're going to read a little more into it when she does things like this. What seems more juvenile to me is that you've blown this up and analyzed it so much, and you're not even dating her yet. Over time, of course, the shiny has worn off of FB and I've grown to invest a lot less emotional energy in random Facebookian shenanigans. Facebookian... shenanigans. I have to admit, though, that I do happen to like that term.
Lucky_One Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 My FB profile pic is actually a "thing" right now due to the holiday, not even the same old headshot it has been for years. Why do you have a headshot? Why don't you have a group picture of you and all of your workmates?
norajane Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I HATE it when people tag pics of me without asking me first, it's a real pet peeve. You can un-tag yourself. Useful feature! Obviously you are already into her and somewhat put off by this, so you're going to read a little more into it when she does things like this. I have to agree with this. You probably have no idea what your other friends are doing with their profile pics...because you aren't paying such close attention, because it doesn't matter like it does with this girl. You wouldn't care at all if one of your other friends cropped you out of their profile pic. Take a step back and consider this only means anything to you because SHE did it. Edited October 28, 2011 by norajane
carhill Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 On the positive side, the OP has posted about an actual experience with a woman Now, if she is truly a platonic friend, dontcha think this is a non-issue? I mean, if I can inspire a person to look so fµckin' good in a picture that they want to post it up for themselves and crop me out, hey more power to 'em. Of course men can be friends to women. They let us.
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