light199 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I was wondering if you guys can help me with this situation. It is going to be a very long story so if you have any questions feel free to ask me. So about 6 months ago, I met this amazing girl where I spend time to talk to and developed a relationship together. Unfortunately, she was in a relationship in the past where she was engaged with her ex but he left her cause he was not ready for it. His reasoning for that as we found out later on was that he was going through midlife crisis. She was heartbroken and left to the dead. Few months later I appeared and developed this connection with her. Sadly, her mother wants her to get back with her ex cause they have been through alot together for two years. She was pretty stress due to the decision she has to make. Being an idoit, I messaged her friend and asked her what I should do to make her feel better in this situation but her friend told her about everything. As a family oriented person, she chose family and I respect that. However, she still wants me to around and she still talks to me like how we use to talk when were in a relationship. For example, she uses "<3" "=)" "i miss you" "you are in mind everyday". She even took the initiative to message me. All these things being said, the guy is living with her family in the same room. She continued on with the stress and this caused me pain to see her this way. So again, I asked the friend about how she is feeling. Unfortunately, this led to a miserable mistake ( I ADMIT IT) and her not talking to me. For the last time after seeing her being somewhat lovely dovely with the guy on facebook, I tried to have her answer my question which is if she really wants to be with the guy. Unfortunately, she said she has no choice and she is sticking with him. Then i told her that I should stop talking to her. All she said, go do what you got to do. Its been a week but it bothers me that she said she has no choice. Anyone want to help me? Thanks
Bobby289 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 "go do what you got to do", she dosent seem to torn up about it.
jormungand Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Yeah, i have to agree with the above. She just doesn't seem to really care as much as you thought. I too am trying to heal after having the love of my life leave me for her ex. It really sucks, but you're hearing the truth now.
Author light199 Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Yeah, i have to agree with the above. She just doesn't seem to really care as much as you thought. I too am trying to heal after having the love of my life leave me for her ex. It really sucks, but you're hearing the truth now. I know but like atleast she can be honest with it and say she wants to be with the guy. This way atleast i know i dont have this thing lingering inside my mind
jormungand Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I know but like atleast she can be honest with it and say she wants to be with the guy. This way atleast i know i dont have this thing lingering inside my mind They're never honest. I had to find this **** out from a co-worker, and not someone who I trusted 100% with life.
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I was wondering if you guys can help me with this situation. It is going to be a very long story so if you have any questions feel free to ask me. So about 6 months ago, I met this amazing girl where I spend time to talk to and developed a relationship together. Unfortunately, she was in a relationship in the past where she was engaged with her ex but he left her cause he was not ready for it. His reasoning for that as we found out later on was that he was going through midlife crisis. She was heartbroken and left to the dead. Few months later I appeared and developed this connection with her. Sadly, her mother wants her to get back with her ex cause they have been through alot together for two years. She was pretty stress due to the decision she has to make. Being an idoit, I messaged her friend and asked her what I should do to make her feel better in this situation but her friend told her about everything. As a family oriented person, she chose family and I respect that. However, she still wants me to around and she still talks to me like how we use to talk when were in a relationship. For example, she uses "<3" "=)" "i miss you" "you are in mind everyday". She even took the initiative to message me. All these things being said, the guy is living with her family in the same room. She continued on with the stress and this caused me pain to see her this way. So again, I asked the friend about how she is feeling. Unfortunately, this led to a miserable mistake ( I ADMIT IT) and her not talking to me. For the last time after seeing her being somewhat lovely dovely with the guy on facebook, I tried to have her answer my question which is if she really wants to be with the guy. Unfortunately, she said she has no choice and she is sticking with him. Then i told her that I should stop talking to her. All she said, go do what you got to do. Its been a week but it bothers me that she said she has no choice. Anyone want to help me? Thanks Oh boy, sounds to familiar. I met a woman fresh out of a breakup, (she brokeup with him) then a few weeks later we started dating. I knew she still had feelings for him (red flag I ignored) but though she could work thru it. We also developed a relationship together with the typical I love you ,,miss you stuff and we were together almost one year. Well 3 months ago she dumps me for him. When I questioned her about going back to him for the 3rd time she said,, she just has to,, go figure. Needless to say it shattered my heart and am still dealing with it. I've been in N.C. for 2 1/2 months,,, haven't heard a thing from her. Ignore her,,go strict N.C. I was my ex.s rebound guy and you are/were too.
Author light199 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Before, I came to the conclusion that she wants to string me along. Keeping me on facebook and other communication tools already proves it. Honestly right now I just want to see her crash and burn with the guy who left her cause of midlife crisis (hes only 24 years old).
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Before, I came to the conclusion that she wants to string me along. Keeping me on facebook and other communication tools already proves it. Honestly right now I just want to see her crash and burn with the guy who left her cause of midlife crisis (hes only 24 years old). My ex betrayed me big time,,( another story) and at times I want her to crash and burn too, time will tell. Interesting, midlife crisis at 24/
wilsonx Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 So when my ex comes knocking on my door and leaves her current boyfriend to get back in a relationship with me, are you guys going to cry and complain about it and wish bad things upon me? You guys were rebounds, you know that saying, the grass isnt greener on the other side? You guys were the other side. Learn from this, if an ex talks about their past to you, they ARE NOT OVER THEIR last boyfriend. They probably weren't telling you the truth either about what their ex's "Did" to them. Its called victim rationale. They don't want to be the bad person so they transfer the blame on to their ex's like both of you all are doing right now.
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 So when my ex comes knocking on my door and leaves her current boyfriend to get back in a relationship with me, are you guys going to cry and complain about it and wish bad things upon me? You guys were rebounds, you know that saying, the grass isnt greener on the other side? You guys were the other side. Learn from this, if an ex talks about their past to you, they ARE NOT OVER THEIR last boyfriend. They probably weren't telling you the truth either about what their ex's "Did" to them. Its called victim rationale. They don't want to be the bad person so they transfer the blame on to their ex's like both of you all are doing right now. Wilson,, I was in a 10 year relationship before I met my ex. Not only did she (my ex) talk ,, mention bad and some good things about her ex. but I did the same. I thinks it normal when two people get together that it will eventually come up but not to dwell on it. I knew she still had feelings for her ex.(alot of us do) but she didn't constantly bring it up over and over! If that was the case and I would though differently about her/us and where the relationship was going.
wilsonx Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I dont know, I can't remember a time where I ever brought up an ex in a conversation besides here and too my friends while I was single. /shrug I would never jump into a relationship if I still had feelings for someone else or someone else still had feelings for their ex. Does that seem fair?
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I dont know, I can't remember a time where I ever brought up an ex in a conversation besides here and too my friends while I was single. /shrug I would never jump into a relationship if I still had feelings for someone else or someone else still had feelings for their ex. Does that seem fair? Even after my 10 year relationship I still had some,,,some feelings for her,I wasn't in love with her anymore, didn't want to get back together, but I still wished her well and hoped she was happy and remembered our good times together but didn't dwell on them,,,,, neither did my recent ex. with her ex. Edited October 28, 2011 by mike588
leoc1973 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I agree with wilsonx. You have to stop pouncing on girls with a broken heart and expect them to love you because all the feelings they show you was just love they transfered from their last relationship. They used you to feel better their heart wasn't theirs to give you it still belonged to some other guy. Trust me man I hate to say it but there is no way this girl is coming back. She might be stringing you along in case her 24 year old boyfriend has another "mid life chrisis" But is that what you want? I don't think so you don't want to win a girl by default you want your own fresh relationship where the girl has healed and can give herself to you fully. Then in about 5 or 6 years she can have her heart broken and use some other idiot as a rebound but don't let it be you! I have had a few long term relationships and breakups where we got back together where there were rebound guys and trust me they never look back because they didnt' really love you in the first place they just thought they did. Stay away from rebounds!!! Tell him wilson!
mike588 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I agree with wilsonx. You have to stop pouncing on girls with a broken heart and expect them to love you because all the feelings they show you was just love they transfered from their last relationship. They used you to feel better their heart wasn't theirs to give you it still belonged to some other guy. Trust me man I hate to say it but there is no way this girl is coming back. She might be stringing you along in case her 24 year old boyfriend has another "mid life chrisis" But is that what you want? I don't think so you don't want to win a girl by default you want your own fresh relationship where the girl has healed and can give herself to you fully. Then in about 5 or 6 years she can have her heart broken and use some other idiot as a rebound but don't let it be you! I have had a few long term relationships and breakups where we got back together where there were rebound guys and trust me they never look back because they didnt' really love you in the first place they just thought they did. Stay away from rebounds!!! Tell him wilson! Well yes and no,,, even though you "string someone along" even if it's a rebound and it turns out to be a LTR you can't help but develope some feelings or attachment towards them.
Author light199 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 First of all, Im not hoping to be back with her. I just want to know why she saying she doesnt have a choice when it shows me clearly that she does. From this thread, i see it is that this girl is victimizing herself by saying she doesnt have a choice right? Honestly, this girl is ****ed and theres no point in me trying to get contact with her. From the sounds of it, shes more of an emotional trainwreck and weak person who cant really say anything.
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 First of all, Im not hoping to be back with her. I just want to know why she saying she doesnt have a choice when it shows me clearly that she does. There ya go! You answered your own question. She's telling YOU that she had no choice. She does. You know it and she knows it. She's telling you that she has no choice to make the case of, "It's not you, it me." Like, I would rather be with you, but I'm forced into this situation so don't hate me. However, you've seen pics of them together and seemingly happy on Facebook. Uh huh....right. Go NC, heal and move on.
Space Ritual Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Light, what it boils down to is that YOU were nothing more than a rebound relationship from her fiance, and sadly as you are finding out, she only wants to keep you around as a convenience and possibly as a fall back should things go south with her fiance(guaranteed, they will and the very second they do she will be back with her act, which may I remind you is a fresh as a Foghat Concert). That being said, she does not want to own her actions and claim she was forced to settle for the fiance so she has a good lead in when she wants to come around for a banging and feel justified doing it. so now in effect you are alternating positions with her fiance as the Other Man. she will vacillate back and forth just enough so when its time for her to break up with him (which she will probably around the First of the year) she will have you as her excuse of the day.... Please do yourself a favor...when someone shows you who they are...believe them. Please cease all contact with this woman at once. delete her from your life...that means delete and block on FB or any other social sites. Delete her email address, phone number, etc....the only way to begin to heal form thsi is to make her insignificant. Trust me, that whole Fiance crap is just an excuse to bang something familiar to her...she will tire of it and come sniffing around soon enough. Please do yourself a favor and don't be waiting....she stunk up this whole situation...so the only thing she should be sniffing the next time she comes around is the sweet scent of forbidden pleasures that you had with your new Girlfriend....or possibly your Taco Bell farts...lol
Author light199 Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 thanks space I just need to vent it out considering the fact I havent experienced the statement "i dont have a choice" at all. It just lingers inside me which is bad. As they all say the best revenge is to prove that your happier without her and that you are more successful without the person. Thanks alot guys
Darren Steez Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 yup she has no choice when she's banging him, absolutely, she's helpless like a little fawn being handled by an orang-utan, looking up with those doe eyes, pleading stop..stop.. wait you get the picture, it sucks being used, and we all hope for some redemption hoping that the user is not really a cold calculating bastard and they actually have our regards at heart, being used emotionally is the worst, so do yourself a favour, use this lucky chance you've been given to actually see this girl in her true light and move on. This is not the type of girl you want to be investing a whole lot of trust or time in. You only have one life, and the minutes are ticking, no more time on her. Good luck!
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