planB Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I was chased hard by this girl, (we will call her subject 1) for over a year. We became great friends but I did not pursue her because I was seeing someone else at the time. I broke it off with that person and eventually subject 1 and I started dating. We developed strong feelings for each other quickly and 4 months later she dumped me over email. Leading up to our split, she got very distant and as soon as I started to ask questions about her ex she changed. She was nearly mia for a week and when we met up she admitted that there were two things that happened: 1. She freaked out because I was so good to her...and 2. Her ex came back into the picture a few weeks ago and was fighting for her. I was understanding but upset because she had lied to me, saying that things between them were completely over and that he was verbally abusive and controlling. She then said she wanted to stay with me because we had amazing chemistry and she loved me and I was the only guy she's ever been with that recognized what I had. Two weeks later it was over. She refused to see me in person and said that her heart was somewhere else and that she no longer had strong feelings for me. I freaked out on the phone and cried, I couldn't believe she was throwing such a great thing away. Since then I went NC and its been nearly 6 weeks. Was I just plan b? She really broke my heart and I want her back badly but I'm not going to contact her. Any thoughts? Not sure if it matters but I'm educated, successful, and good looking. Women almost always think I'm a player because of my looks but I'm very genuine, humble, and honest.
norajane Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 You weren't plan b necessarily, but when her ex tried to get her back, she went. For you to be plan b, she had to have consciously thought: my ex is not an option anymore, so I'll date PlanB even though I really want my ex. And that doesn't match with her having chased you for a year. Women don't chase plan b guys for a year. When did she and her ex break up? I can't quite follow how she's been chasing you for a year, but also has an ex. She must not have been chasing you that whole time if she was dating him? You were asking her questions about her ex, so he must have been a recent ex? Anyway, my point is, maybe you were a rebound?
Author planB Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) Ok, good point. When we first met she said that she had just broken up with this guy. Of course she said nothing but negative things and I figured it was completely over. In addition, I didn't think to hard about it because I was in a relationship. Over the next year she mentioned several times that she wasn't seeing anyone and that she was waiting for me. Mutual friends recently confirmed that her ex was bad news and that they were on and off for 1.5 years. Something tells me that he has never been completely out of the picture. I also wanted to add that she changed her phone number shortly after as well. You might be thinking that I did something to provoke this but I didn't. I haven't stalked, or tried to see or contact her since our last conversation. I simply asked her why she was doing this, and told her I loved her. I have always been good to her and never cursed or anything like that. Your comments are greatly appreciated. Edited October 27, 2011 by planB i added more information
M2155 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Join the club:(. We have the greatest relationship and bam, ex comes back in the picture. I think they genuinely do want to start a new relationship and move on, but if they had serious history with the ex and those feelings are awakened, we can't compete. I don't think you were "Plan B," she just felt something she couldn't let go of. It totally sucks but you would have probably never had 100% of her heart if she had leftover feelings for this guy. Her loss!
Author planB Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 So should I just completely move forward and not look back? It's so hard because I vested so much into her that I feel like I'm losing my best friend too. I really want what's best for her and if it's this guy then that's fine. The only thing I'm even bitter over is how she ended things and I feel like I was led on for several months. It blows my mind that I have e-mails and text messages from just a few days before we split where she is telling me how she loves and misses me.
norajane Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I think you should move forward and not look back. I can't imagine why you would want another round her - she and her ex aren't done with each other yet, and may never be. Put another way, if you linger, you yourself are setting yourself up as Plan B. What will you choose to do if she and her ex/now bf get into a big fight and break-up and she turns back to you? If you choose to take her in, you are now accepting Plan B status and opening yourself up to her ex coming back in the picture. It's best to let her go and move on.
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