KiKiSag Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 So...I'm recently divorced & just dating around. I have recently started to really care about a guy & he seems to care for me too. We spend a lot of time together and he often seems more attached to me than I am to him. One night we were at a gathering together and ran into an altercation involving another woman. The two of them are friends but never had any romantic involvement. She was very rude and sat in his lap knowing that we were "together." Granted we are not officially a couple but she could see that we were together that night. We got past that situation but I know that they are still friends. He is honest with me about that. She and I both have a twitter account & have mutual followers so of course my curiosity led me to her page. She often mentions his name in her tweets about him texting her or how she has not heard from him. He and I are together almost everyday so if he is spending time with her it is not that often. I kinda like this man and he seems to be a good person. I want to know if this is a red flag and if I should just cut him off. My husband was a cheater and I am trying to avoid dating another one. Sometimes your heart can blind you so I wanted other people's opinions. HELP!!!
rightfield Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 So you aren't officially a couple, but you're seeing each other every day? How long have you been seeing one another? You say that he seems more interested in you than you are in him, but now you don't like that he is in touch with someone else? Fill in some gaps here so we have a better idea of where you are in this relationship.
Author KiKiSag Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Ok. We have been in each other's lives for almost a year now. At first I was just having fun but as we started to spend more time together he began to express his feelings about not wanting us to spend time with other people & that he is taking me seriously. When I say he seems to be more into me than I am him it's bc he literally asks to see me everyday but I am a strong believer in not giving up your own life completely for anyone else so I don't just drop everything for him. He questions what guys I converse with and if I spend time with anyone else and he claims to not spend time with anyone else. I say claim bc ironically after I left this post yesterday I went to his female friends Twitter again & she posted a picture of them. I didn't tell him what I saw but I did ask him if he spends time with anyone else but me. His answer was still no. That really turns me off. I think I already have my answer but I still want your thoughts. His dishonesty shows me that I will probably end up back in a similar relationship as my marriage which ended bc of infidelity. What do you think?
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Ok. We have been in each other's lives for almost a year now. At first I was just having fun but as we started to spend more time together he began to express his feelings about not wanting us to spend time with other people & that he is taking me seriously. When I say he seems to be more into me than I am him it's bc he literally asks to see me everyday but I am a strong believer in not giving up your own life completely for anyone else so I don't just drop everything for him. He questions what guys I converse with and if I spend time with anyone else and he claims to not spend time with anyone else. I say claim bc ironically after I left this post yesterday I went to his female friends Twitter again & she posted a picture of them. I didn't tell him what I saw but I did ask him if he spends time with anyone else but me. His answer was still no. That really turns me off. I think I already have my answer but I still want your thoughts. His dishonesty shows me that I will probably end up back in a similar relationship as my marriage which ended bc of infidelity. What do you think? Ok. It's time to have a real, straight-forward, no-nonsense talk with him. A YEAR is way too long to be "seeing each other" but not be "official" or whatever you called it. Given those premises you really had no right to be upset about the woman sitting in his lap (though I don't blame you for having hurt feelings). But those premises are ridiculous! The problem here is not just this female friend. It's that you have no idea where your relationship stands after a whole-freakin'-year. So sit down with him and say, "Look. It's been a year. I'd like the comfort of knowing we are an exclusive couple. Do you consider me your girlfriend? If not, what do you consider me?" Are there other signs that he considers you a serious long-term partner? Has he introduced you to family, friends? Has he talked about plans for the future? And by the way, after a year, if I were you and I received ANY BS about being "unsure" during your impending discussion, I'd walk. A year is more than enough time to decide if you want to be "official" with someone. Although, if I were you, I probably would have walked a long time ago.
thatone Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Ok. We have been in each other's lives for almost a year now. At first I was just having fun but as we started to spend more time together he began to express his feelings about not wanting us to spend time with other people & that he is taking me seriously. When I say he seems to be more into me than I am him it's bc he literally asks to see me everyday but I am a strong believer in not giving up your own life completely for anyone else so I don't just drop everything for him. He questions what guys I converse with and if I spend time with anyone else and he claims to not spend time with anyone else. sounds to me like through your actions you gave him the go ahead to have a plan B hanging around. so that's what he has. when you behave that way of course he's going to get suspicious and ask if there are other men around. you can't have a relationship without commitment. you can't keep one toe dipped in the water and the other out the door constantly comparing him to your ex husband. he isn't your ex husband.
Author KiKiSag Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone! I understand exactly what each of you are saying but the problem is I wanted to just date people and not be so pressed about getting into a new relationship. I was not sure if I wanted to have a commitment myself so I tried to not make it a big deal if he sees other people. The reason why I am inquiring now is because if he is seeing other people then he needs to STOP questioning what I do. PERIOD!!! I do agree with the fact that I am not his "woman" officially therefore I can not get mad if someone flirts with him but if I am out with him then I would not allow another man to be disrespectful & flirty in his face. That is like being on a first, second or third date with someone and you aren't official but you are getting to know one another and then you sit and flirt with someone else. Granted you are not in a relationship with your date but it is still rude to take interest in other people while they are sitting right there. Isn't it?!!
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