PlumPrincess Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Recently I stopped replying to every message I receive. Today I got two messages in my mailbox. One is from a guy who lives about 90 miles away and I have already told him like two days that I was only interested in local guys, but he just sent me another message asking me again. The other guy is 37, in a relationship, and looking for women between 40 and 18 for casual sex and who are interested in open relationships. If he had bothered to read my profile, he would know that is clearly not what I'm looking for. I used to give nice replies to every message I received, because I thought it's a question of politeness and courtesy, but I'm really starting to believe that the other women who do no reply to every message are way smarter than I am. They don't waste time at all with nonsense. And at the same time I think being nice and replying is encouraging their stupid behavior, so punish them and don't reply. Are the guys just lazy and stupid? Or completely desperate? Are women on online dating site like that, too? And how do you handle that kind of messages?
rightfield Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I think it's nice when a woman replies to a well intentioned message from me, but I don't think it's rude when they don't reply. Here's a message I got this week: Hi Thank you so much for taking the time to write, I'm flattered. I joined 4 days ago and have my hands full at the moment with 1423 emails. You appear to be really nice, and a lot of fun. I wish you all the best, and thank you for the gift of your time. Now that was super nice, but I wouldn't blame her if she didn't reply with volume like that. As for the nonsense message you mentioned, don't dignify them with a response and don't feel one bit guilty.
laotzu Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I don't even bother to write messages to girls any more, unless they look at my profile a couple of times or give me some other indication that I should. OLD = awful. Nevertheless, I have a date on Tuesday from a girl who messaged me initially. She'll probably be way less attractive in person and I'll pay for the date - but we'll see.
oaks Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Are the guys just lazy and stupid? Or completely desperate? Are women on online dating site like that, too? Lazy or striking what they think is a sane balance between effort expended for amount of return. Some people think it's not really worth reading the profile before sending a message (as various threads here in the past have indicated) as it's just as successful to send lots of largely identical messages to lots and lots and lots of women. I'm not saying that I agree with that approach, though. Oh, and no you don't need to reply to anybody, especially if they clearly didn't bother reading your profile.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Recently I stopped replying to every message I receive. Today I got two messages in my mailbox. One is from a guy who lives about 90 miles away and I have already told him like two days that I was only interested in local guys, but he just sent me another message asking me again. The other guy is 37, in a relationship, and looking for women between 40 and 18 for casual sex and who are interested in open relationships. If he had bothered to read my profile, he would know that is clearly not what I'm looking for. I used to give nice replies to every message I received, because I thought it's a question of politeness and courtesy, but I'm really starting to believe that the other women who do no reply to every message are way smarter than I am. They don't waste time at all with nonsense. And at the same time I think being nice and replying is encouraging their stupid behavior, so punish them and don't reply. Are the guys just lazy and stupid? Or completely desperate? Are women on online dating site like that, too? And how do you handle that kind of messages? Most guys have to message 200-300 women to get a few responses... How in the hell do you expect guys to keep track of that many? So what if they forgot about you and tried again?
Jynxx Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 While I don't do online dating, their behaviour does make sense. It's a numbers game. They have a very small chance a girl is gonna reply and hook up with them for every message they send, so they send tons of them. The same thing as spam really. Approx 1/30000 receivers from their email buys overpriced viagra, so that makes it worth it to keep sending them to millions of people and wasting uninterested peoples time, as well as dragging down the credibility of legitimate internet businesses.
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Most guys have to message 200-300 women to get a few responses... How in the hell do you expect guys to keep track of that many? So what if they forgot about you and tried again? Because he related to my previous answer, smarty?
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I don't even bother to write messages to girls any more, unless they look at my profile a couple of times or give me some other indication that I should. OLD = awful. Nevertheless, I have a date on Tuesday from a girl who messaged me initially. She'll probably be way less attractive in person and I'll pay for the date - but we'll see. Spot on. Whenever I get a message and am suspicious about the guy, I check out his account with my second account which doesn't allow tracking of visits. I will avoid as hell anything that might be perceived as interest from my part. Good luck with your date!
dasein Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You don't have any obligation to respond to men who send you form mails, keep sending after being told you aren't interested, rude men, etc. Good for you for realizing it's basic politeness to respond to men on dating sites who send you a personalized respectful email, even if you only use the site's "not interested" button. You are the exception, men wouldn't get as annoyed at online dating if more women were as polite and thoughtful as you are.
Disillusioned Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Yes, many of them ARE stupid on purpose. You'd think they only come off acting stupid because they're online and they know they can get away with it, but unfortunately they act stupid IRL whenever the subject of dating or relationship comes up. It's like they have a built-in "idiot switch"---right away they start talking about macho, mindless sex, and no amount of cluebatting will get them out of "stupid" mode. Avoid such men, unless you don't mind being one of their nameless, faceless conquests. But then... this being the US of A, stupidity is not exactly something to be ashamed of, if you catch my drift...
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Because he related to my previous answer, smarty? That doesn't mean he remembers you rejecting him. Again he is probably juggling more women than you can count. Or maybe he is just trying again because he likes thick women. Who knows? Why does it matter if you don't like him anyway?
AHardDaysNight Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Just stop writing to them, then. What bothers guys like me is that women who are perfect matches for us seem to ignore us for the guys who are good with women. But that doesn't seem to be the case with you. So just leave it alone and move on. They'll stop writing.
FitChick Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I check out his account with my second account which doesn't allow tracking of visits. I will avoid as hell anything that might be perceived as interest from my part. I do the same thing.
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Recently I stopped replying to every message I receive. Today I got two messages in my mailbox. One is from a guy who lives about 90 miles away and I have already told him like two days that I was only interested in local guys, but he just sent me another message asking me again. The other guy is 37, in a relationship, and looking for women between 40 and 18 for casual sex and who are interested in open relationships. If he had bothered to read my profile, he would know that is clearly not what I'm looking for. I used to give nice replies to every message I received, because I thought it's a question of politeness and courtesy, but I'm really starting to believe that the other women who do no reply to every message are way smarter than I am. They don't waste time at all with nonsense. And at the same time I think being nice and replying is encouraging their stupid behavior, so punish them and don't reply. Are the guys just lazy and stupid? Or completely desperate? Are women on online dating site like that, too? And how do you handle that kind of messages? I joined one of those free online dating services just for the hell of it and had my profile up for about 24 hours. I got so many weird men and weird messages that I ended up deleting it because I was getting freaked out. I didn't reply to any of them. The men were desperate and or horny is what I would think. One guy looked like he was older then my father and he messaged me like 3 times. It creeped me out. Another guy looked like a legit serial killer. He had this weird close up picture of his face and torso he looked like he was possibly naked. Maybe just shirtless, but still just didn't get a good vibe. Then there were others that were making these stupid faces. Not sure what they were going for with that. Maybe to show they have a sense of humor? Either way, it bugged me out and I deleted that sh*t and wouldn't join another site ever again. I'll rely on good old fashion "going out and meeting people" dating. Screw the online thing.
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Most guys have to message 200-300 women to get a few responses... How in the hell do you expect guys to keep track of that many? So what if they forgot about you and tried again? If this doesn't scream DESPERATION I don't know what does.
carhill Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 " I joined 4 days ago and have my hands full at the moment with 1423 emails" Wow, no wonder women always seem tired Heck, I've probably gotten less spam than that in the past five years Are the guys just lazy and stupid? Or completely desperate? Are women on online dating site like that, too? And how do you handle that kind of messages? Some likely are all of those things. Some just play the numbers. I would handle it the same as reading LS. Read what you want, delete or ignore the rest. It's just electrons anyway. Most of my thoughtful replies to women's profiles over the many years I did OLD were likely 'binned' since I heard from so few. No harm, no foul, no one held a gun to my head and made me post them, kinda like this post, eh?
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 " I joined 4 days ago and have my hands full at the moment with 1423 emails" Wow, no wonder women always seem tired Heck, I've probably gotten less spam than that in the past five years Some likely are all of those things. Some just play the numbers. I would handle it the same as reading LS. Read what you want, delete or ignore the rest. It's just electrons anyway. Most of my thoughtful replies to women's profiles over the many years I did OLD were likely 'binned' since I heard from so few. No harm, no foul, no one held a gun to my head and made me post them, kinda like this post, eh? Holy crap!! You must be a very nice looking man and/or have qualities that these women want! That's a lot of emails in 4 days.
Cracker Jack Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 If this doesn't scream DESPERATION I don't know what does. That's a ton of women, I'll admit. Do you think messaging close to 40-50 women is desperate? Btw, I completely understand what UF is saying. I don't even try with the OLD anymore because it's hard to get replies. The most women I've message is close to 8 or so, and only got 1 reply. I guess OLD is just not possible for some people. As for the topic, just ignore or block them.
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 That's a ton of women, I'll admit. Do you think messaging close to 40-50 women is desperate? Btw, I completely understand what UF is saying. I don't even try with the OLD anymore because it's hard to get replies. The most women I've message is close to 8 or so, and only got 1 reply. I guess OLD is just not possible for some people. As for the topic, just ignore or block them. Yeah 200-300 women is a crazy amount. Like who has that much time on their hands to look through all those profiles? Someone desperate and who is most likely unemployed. Ummmm no thanks. 40-50 isn't bad at all. That's about normal I would say. I don't actually know though because like I said, I deleted my sh*t 24 hours after making my profile. I looked at the profiles of the men who messaged me and until now didn't know that they were notified that I was viewing their sh*t. I guess they thought i was interested. Yeeaah.....NO!
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I joined one of those free online dating services just for the hell of it and had my profile up for about 24 hours. I got so many weird men and weird messages that I ended up deleting it because I was getting freaked out. I didn't reply to any of them. The men were desperate and or horny is what I would think. One guy looked like he was older then my father and he messaged me like 3 times. It creeped me out. Another guy looked like a legit serial killer. He had this weird close up picture of his face and torso he looked like he was possibly naked. Maybe just shirtless, but still just didn't get a good vibe. Then there were others that were making these stupid faces. Not sure what they were going for with that. Maybe to show they have a sense of humor? Either way, it bugged me out and I deleted that sh*t and wouldn't join another site ever again. I'll rely on good old fashion "going out and meeting people" dating. Screw the online thing. I used online dating for a while. I put up some pictures and a quick description, then pretty much left the rest blank. I recieved about 1 email ever other day from women. When I sent out messages I usually received a response back 1 in 5 times. The problem is that I was 30 at the time, and most female online daters were 18-25... and I wanted someone older. I think that I did well primarily because I'm good looking, and was upfront about wanting a relationship. If this doesn't scream DESPERATION I don't know what does. It isn't desperation... It's just what most guys go through with online dating. That's a ton of women, I'll admit. Do you think messaging close to 40-50 women is desperate? Btw, I completely understand what UF is saying. I don't even try with the OLD anymore because it's hard to get replies. The most women I've message is close to 8 or so, and only got 1 reply. I guess OLD is just not possible for some people. As for the topic, just ignore or block them. I think she is just out of touch with the male side of dating. In another thread she clearly had no idea how the variety of ways other women tend to act on dates. Online Dating has it's place... you get the opportunity to meet and date women you would never have a chance to meet in real life. Two suggestions... make your message interesting and about her... ask a question or show interest. Plus, make sure your pictures reflect your life... ask a lady to look at the pictures for you and give honest feedback.
carhill Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Holy crap!! You must be a very nice looking man and/or have qualities that these women want! That's a lot of emails in 4 days. LOL, I was quoting a prior poster about a woman who responded to his e-mail, politely, with the text. If only.
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I used online dating for a while. I put up some pictures and a quick description, then pretty much left the rest blank. I recieved about 1 email ever other day from women. When I sent out messages I usually received a response back 1 in 5 times. The problem is that I was 30 at the time, and most female online daters were 18-25... and I wanted someone older. I think that I did well primarily because I'm good looking, and was upfront about wanting a relationship. It isn't desperation... It's just what most guys go through with online dating. I think she is just out of touch with the male side of dating. In another thread she clearly had no idea how the variety of ways other women tend to act on dates. Online Dating has it's place... you get the opportunity to meet and date women you would never have a chance to meet in real life. Two suggestions... make your message interesting and about her... ask a question or show interest. Plus, make sure your pictures reflect your life... ask a lady to look at the pictures for you and give honest feedback. You're right. I don't know how women act on dates because I'm not a lesbian. I don't date women. I know how I act on dates and it's not like that girl. This isn't that thread so move on. I do agree that online dating is good for meeting people you wouldn't ordinarily meet. Wow!! Amazing we finally agree on something!
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 LOL, I was quoting a prior poster about a woman who responded to his e-mail, politely, with the text. If only. Oh ok hahahaha I was thinking whoa that guy's got something GOOD!!
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You're right. I don't know how women act on dates because I'm not a lesbian. I don't date women. I know how I act on dates and it's not like that girl. This isn't that thread so move on. I do agree that online dating is good for meeting people you wouldn't ordinarily meet. Wow!! Amazing we finally agree on something! I'm just using it as an example, not as an insult. I literally refused to believe my sister when she claimed over 15 men sent her pictures of their dick the first month she tried online dating. I still don't really get why those guys do it... but I know that they do. Anyway... the overall point to this thread is that guys have to play a numbers game and be persistent. If you don't, then you simply won't do well with dating in general.
ShannonMI Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I'm just using it as an example, not as an insult. I literally refused to believe my sister when she claimed over 15 men sent her pictures of their dick the first month she tried online dating. I still don't really get why those guys do it... but I know that they do. Anyway... the overall point to this thread is that guys have to play a numbers game and be persistent. If you don't, then you simply won't do well with dating in general. I didn't take it as an insult, I just had to make it clear that I DON'T know how women act on dates because I don't date women. It shouldn't be that big of a surprise. Of course YOU would know because you are a straight man who dates women. It's a no brainer. So....moving on.... If I had received any dick pictures I would have freaked out. No questions asked. Naked torso pictures and pictures of 60 year olds were enough for me. Did they send these pictures right away or after she had corresponded with them? That's disgusting. Some men just want one thing and one thing only. That right there would turn me off from online dating forever.
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