snowloverbaby Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) Im new here and i love this forum. It has helped me. My BF broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. We got a long well but i questioned a lot of his behaviors lately. He didnt like it and got sick of it i suppose. I noticed he would answer back my texts only when i got really confrontational with him but a simple hi or good morning got nothing. We dated 6 months. We finally chatted a week ago thru text and he decided he wanted to be friends only. I asked to get back together and he said no just friends. I was really hurt. I guess i felt that being friends was an option to maybe show him i could be what he was asking for and that maybe i could win his heart back. Dumb i know. I dont know what his idea of a friend is...but i text him and usually get nothing back. He has been avoiding my calls until the other day when he did answer. We talked twice that day. It was nice. Of course the next day he said he would call me or text and i heard nothing. I explained that I hated him ignoring me and he said he wouldnt do it anymore and that hes just been busy. Too busy to answer a text? We are meeting Saturday evening to hang out. He chose the day. I am hoping he shows up. I texted him a few days ago and asked if we were still meeting and he said yes and he knows where. Its been a long 3 weeks. Im so scared he will stand me up and i really wanna see him. I dont know if i can be just friends. I still love him and think about him all day long. It hurts when he ignores me and i clearly know hes reading my messages. Any advice? Anyone ever feel like friendship was not good enough compared to where youve been with the person? Like you had the steak why settle for crumbs? Edited October 27, 2011 by snowloverbaby
norajane Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Of course it's not good enough. This guy rejected you as a gf, as a woman. Now you want to be his friend? No, you don't. You want him back as a bf, and the only reason you would be "friends" is the hope that you will get him to come back. So pretending to be friends is just going to twist your stomach in knots and rip your heart out when you eventually get rejected by him again. You will constantly be feeling like you are now (why won't he answer my texts? will he ever call me? will he show up or stand me up?). You will over-analyze every little thing he says or texts or does or doesn't say or do. You will have built up hope that he will want you again as a woman, and at some point, won't be able to resist asking again if he wants to date. And he will reject you and you will suffer all over again because he'll have rejected you twice, three time, or more - however long you continue to pretend a friendship exists. In fact, you will constantly feel rejected every time you talk with him and he shows you that he is not interested in dating. And WHAT will you feel when your "friend" starts dating someone else? Will you want to hear all about their dates and how great she is? That's what friends do, so buckle up because that is coming eventually.
Author snowloverbaby Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Your right Nora. I love this guy a lot. I dont understand where all this love he had for us is and talking moving in together went because he seems so cold. I know im nuts but i had a friend whose a detective follow him and i know he isnt seeing anyone else. I know if he cancels on me Saturday Im gonna end it even if its by text message. If he shows up I am going to tell him that I want love in my life and that I am not comfortable being just a friend. That i love him too much to be just friends and wanna know if we can ever work towards dating or something again. If he says no, I am going to walk away. I deserve a love who wants me all the time. Not just when he feels its convenient to defend himself.
norajane Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I dont understand where all this love he had for us is and talking moving in together went because he seems so cold. My guess is it wasn't actual "love". Love takes time to grow and develop, and it's not something that comes and goes, or something you can start or shut off. He was probably infatuated, or thought he was "in love", but that faded when the reality of being in a relationship kicked in. 6 months is about right for that. The good news is YOU will totally get over him, a lot faster than you think. Especially if you have no contact with him and just move on and LIVE your life. Life is far too short to waste pining over some guy you dated for six months, no matter how much you cared about him. You will be fine! You will be happy again far sooner than you think! You just have to let yourself LET GO of him. Just let him go. You can do it. (that means no more detective spying!)
Author snowloverbaby Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 its just hard when they guy tells you your his soul mate and the love of his life. We went engagement ring shopping too. We have undeniable chemistry too. Always did. Hes the one adamant we stay friends but he isnt trying yet he says he doesnt want it to be this way forever. Actions speak louder than words to me. maybe we were going too fast but it felt right. I miss him and he said hes missed me just Tuesday thru text. Im so confused...
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