StellaA Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 So as many of you will know from my previous threads that I have been split up from my ex for about 4/5 months now. We split up and moved back home to our parents houses which were very close to each other and I used to see him on a regular basis, just to wave etc. Shortly before I came away on vacation he told me he wanted to give us another go. I told him I am going away for a few weeks and need time to think. At first when we split up begged him to give us another go but he said he needed time and 'to do a few things' before he could commit. I have tried to switch off from everything whilst I have been away and it has helped but I know I will have to return soon and face everything. Is it a clear sign that I have missed him so much since I have been away and all I want is to see his face when I get off the plane? Or is it easier to continue going as I am and not take the risk again.....I know there is no answer to this but I am interested in how many people have been succesfull with going back to an ex? Do you always have a thought in the back of your mind that it will happen again and does this already put a negative on the relationship before it has began?
norajane Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 BEFORE YOU GET BACK TOGETHER, unless you spend a LOT of time communicating about the issues that were there between you that directly caused the break-up, AND the issues that were there between you that contributed to the break-up or just may have been issues but not related to the break-up, AND how to resolve those issues so that you have a strong relationship the next time around....YES, you will break up again, sooner or later. You have to communicate before you get back together. For a long time, in depth, honestly and openly. You both have to take responsibility for the things you did wrong, and you have to discuss how you will avoid doing those kinds of things again. You have to talk about the ENTIRE relationship, not just the few things that he might apologize for and then forget about. It requires WORK. And it requires this BEFORE you get back together. Because once you get back together, you just slide right back into what you had before and the issues between you get swept under the rug to be tripped upon later when they've grown even bigger.
Author StellaA Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks guys......yeah, there would need to be a lot of talking, a lot. We both made mistakes with communication etc but I have to learn to trust him again and not dissapear on me.
norajane Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks guys......yeah, there would need to be a lot of talking, a lot. We both made mistakes with communication etc but I have to learn to trust him again and not dissapear on me. Don't be so quick to say you "have to". You actually don't have to. It's a choice to do so, and it's a gift on your part that you are willing to overcome the past - don't give it away lightly. Make sure that you see him working at it, rather than him just expecting that you want him so much you are willing to trust him again without seeing evidence of him being trustworthy. Trust is a gift.
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