TxTechGirl04 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 I felt like I was really starting to move forward until today...for some reason I feel very sad today... He called me out of the blue on Sunday and when I asked him why he called he said because we are "good friends" (let me remind you that we only broke up two weeks ago). I guess I could say that I am a little disappointed that he hasn't called me again... I feel so lost...my family and friends are tired of hearing about all of my issues... I just don't know what to think. When we talked on Sunday we decided that we would hang out one last night (as I described in several other posts) and we would just see what happens. He keeps telling me over and over that WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS AND THERE IS NO POSSIBLE CHANCE OF US GETTING BACK TOGETHER...he tells me at least 10 times every time we talk...I don't understand his reasoning behind this...its not like Im begging for him to come back to me or anything! I thought I was doing a whole lot better, but he was my best friend and I feel so lonely when I can't talk to him about everyday stuff! I know that I can't call him or try to contact him right now, but its just so hard! Just looking for some words of encouragement...
azgirl Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 I know what you mean about feeling lonely when you can't talk to him about every day stuff. It is hard. When my b/f and I took a break a few months ago, I felt the same way. I'd be driving down the road and see something or think of something that happened and I would want to call him and tell him, but I knew I couldn't. And even right now, when we haven't officially broken up yet and I am fighting to keep this together, I know how you feel because I feel like I can't call him and tell him things. But unlike you, I live with him and we are trying to work things out. Just so you know, he told me on Saturday night that he thought he wanted to break up, but he has agreed to try to work things out with me. But I still feel pretty isolated from him. It's hard. Do you really think it's a good idea to hang out "one last time"?? And I'm not sure why he has to constantly reiterate to you that there is no way you are getting back together. Maybe he's trying to convince himself??
Author TxTechGirl04 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Posted May 19, 2004 He says that he wants to hang out with me again just to see what happens...Im really confused as to whether or not this is a good idea, since I don't think either of us really know where we stand in the way of actual feelings. The whole problem is...while we were dating, we had both stated to each other that we felt like we were soul mates and we both thought each other was "the one". Because we said these things, its so hard for me to just let go. I am not the kind of person who just goes around telling every guy I date that he is my soul mate! We were incredibly close, and I feel like a part of me is missing. I think it would be a whole lot easier had we not planned a future together and had he not told me that we were soul mates. It seems kinda odd to me too that he constantly tells me that we are just friends. I don't know if he is trying to get some kind of reaction out of me or if he just wants me to realize that its over. Then again, I asked him the other day if we could start over as friends and see what happens and he agreed to it. I have good days and bad days, and I guess this is just one of the bad ones...
azgirl Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 Yep! I know. Until I know for sure that my guy and I are back on solid ground I, too, have good days and bad days. I try not to think about how I am going to deal with losing my soul mate as well. It makes me cry just thinking about not having him in my life. It is hard and will be hard to let go if that is what ends up happening. I guess, I would say that you two should just try the friends thing for a while and see what develops from there. I hope everything works out for you. But was the relationship getting bad in the first place? Is that why you two broke up? (Sorry, I might have missed other postings.)
Author TxTechGirl04 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Posted May 19, 2004 Yeah, we started fighting ALL OF THE TIME!!! I know that contributed a lot to it, but when I talk to him he tells me that he doesn't miss me... He told me that the reason he "fell out of love" with me was because our relationship went so sour...its just really hard for me when I do talk to him to not bring things up about the past... I just need a little guidance on how to act when I talk to him. What to say and do when I see him? I only need to make it another 2 weeks before we have our "one last night"... I am just so confused... AZ do you have AOL Instant Messenger?
azgirl Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 No. I don't. Would be easier wouldn't it?? Well, first of all when you do see him you definitely need to be a little reserved. I know with my b/f right now he is taking some space to decide if he wants us to continue to live together or even be together, when I see him I have to be very careful. I can't be too affectionate, I can't be too sad, and I can't be too happy. I usually am reserved and wait until I get a sense of how he is going to be towards me before I try and discuss certain things or tell him how I am feeling. Try this - do NOT even bring up your situation with him. Just spend time together and try to recreat those times before all the fighting began. Don't get into it about issues unless, of course, he bring it up. Maybe if he is reminded of what good times he had when he was with you, he might want to consider trying again. And if he does bring it up - say something really casual like, "You know? I am sure everything will work out for the best. Let's not discuss it and just enjoy our time together." Just a suggestion.
Author TxTechGirl04 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Posted May 19, 2004 Thank you so much for the advice...you seem to be very strong and I envy that. I'm going to try exactly what you told me to do...we always want things to work out how we want them to, but maybe this is for the best... If you want to download AIM then it would be really nice to talk to you some more... I am only 19...don't know how old you are...but you seem to be very wise :-) Thanks again for all of your advice...
azgirl Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 You're more than welcome. These past few days where things have been pretty crappy between my guy and I have been rough, but talking on this website has helped. I am 27 years old. I have had plenty of relationships and plenty of woes. Plus, my best friend is 41 and her advice has helped me numerous times, so I have gained a lot of wisdom from her. Do you think I would get in trouble if I downloaded it onto my work computer? That is where I am when I talk. I don't have a computer at home, and my job is way boring and there is not much to do besides chat. Is your id the same? I'd like to talk more, too. Besides, I have good news about my bf. He called and asked me to go to a movie and I have gotten him to think about going home to Michigan with me LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO to meet my family. At least for part of the time and THEN going home to see his manipulating mother. Looks like we may be headed back in the right direction. The one thing I do know is ... men hate to feel pushed into things or pressed about their feelings and sometimes the best thing to do is to back off a bit. You know?
Author TxTechGirl04 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Posted May 19, 2004 I don't know if you would get in trouble...lets hope not! Glad to hear about your bf...I'm gonna try the backing off a bit and just see what happens... Keep me posted and I will do the same!
leftintx Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 You Said: "WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS AND THERE IS NO POSSIBLE CHANCE OF US GETTING BACK TOGETHER...he tells me at least 10 times every time we talk..." By his saying this, he must be feeling some kind of pressure from you to get back together. So this is what I do: Completely back off, Act like you are just friends and nothing more, seem happy and confident around him, even look at other guys when you two are together. Take a cell phone call, from a girl friend, and pretend you are setting up a date with a guy. He'll stop feeling presure, and see how happy and fun you are... and he might want you back. If it doesn't work after a month, It was never ment to be.
Author TxTechGirl04 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Posted May 20, 2004 Oh how I wish all of us who post on here could just go out to dinner together and talk about the woes of relationships...you guys give EXCELLENT advice!!! As we Texans put it...Talk to y'all soon...
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