This is a big FU to the people who said i'm not good enough for a man I want...

[FrustratedStandards]

Went on a date a couple days ago with an okay looking guy, very smart it turns out, tall with dark eyes. Appealing, but not as attractive as I would like.

 

We met through means of work (I had to go to a meeting and he works in that building). I was making a tea and we started to chat. Eventually we exchanged information and he took me out.

 

We met at this very classy italian restaurant. He ordered a very delicious bottle of white wine and we got to it. After about a 2 hour dinner, we asked for a cheque, and without even looking up he said "Thank you" to the waiter who brought it, paid without thinking twice and then we made our way.

 

I have seen him once since then, and things seem to be going great (so far, I don't wanna jinx).

 

He's 34, no kids, never been married, and seems to appreciate my blunt honesty. Says most women aren't so upfront and usually beat around the bush, he appreciated my straightforwardness.

 

HAH! It look a while but it still happened. I am seeing him again this Hallowe'en weekend. I'll keep all you pessimistic, mean people posted

[Pierre]

Paying without looking at the check is something I always do.

 

I generally have a ballpark idea of much is going to be so there is not need to revise the check for accuracy.

[Els]

Oh, OP. So classy.

[FrustratedStandards]

Paying without looking at the check is something I always do.

 

I generally have a ballpark idea of much is going to be so there is not need to revise the check for accuracy.

 

Again it's not about the price, but the fact that he was gentlemanly enough to treat me to a dinner.

 

I'm not ENTITLED (as many say) to this, but it's the gesture. It made me feel like such a lady. He fed me. I appreciated this so much.

 

You're one of the few who understand Pierre. Out of curiousity, why is a man such as yourself single?

[Emilia]

Good luck OP, hope it works out well for you

[oaks]

but not as attractive as I would like.

 

Hopefully his other qualities will be sufficient. Glad you had a good time.

[FrustratedStandards]

Hopefully his other qualities will be sufficient. Glad you had a good time.

 

Hopefully. Too soon to tell.

 

Maybe he's a pathological liar and he secretly is married. Goodness gracious, with my luck, I wouldn't be surprised at this. Just very disappointed.

[Pierre]

Again it's not about the price, but the fact that he was gentlemanly enough to treat me to a dinner.

 

I'm not ENTITLED (as many say) to this, but it's the gesture. It made me feel like such a lady. He fed me. I appreciated this so much.

 

You're one of the few who understand Pierre. Out of curiousity, why is a man such as yourself single?

 

I have been within a relationship most of my life. I will not stay single for long; I think I found someone.

 

In any event I get your point of view and see nothing wrong with expecting a male to act like a gentleman.

[Els]

Neither do I, Pierre, but IME true ladies typically do not start off their speeches with 'This is a big FU to...'

[Mme. Chaucer]

I doubt that anyone here knows whether you're "good enough" or not, but sending out a "big FU" certainly does not make you look very … classy.

 

Neither does a statement like:

 

Appealing, but not as attractive as I would like.

 

I wonder if he thought exactly that when he had a look at you? In the interests of fairness, I certainly hope so.

 

I think one of the problems I've had with the way you present yourself in your posts is that you seem to believe you are in a position to make absolute judgements without having to be subjected to being judged yourself. Also, how you look at "finding a man" a lot like I would look at buying a car. Kind of dehumanized.

 

Honestly, I am always happy when things work out well, but I think that sending out a "big FU" to the people who have spent their time and attention to you after only knowing this guy for a few days is a bit premature. And ugly.

[oaks]

Maybe he's a pathological liar and he secretly is married. Goodness gracious, with my luck, I wouldn't be surprised at this. Just very disappointed.

 

Oh, stop thinking like that.

 

Is he sexy and successful (assuming, for a moment, that he isn't a pathological liar)? I think that was what you were looking for.

[oaks]

In any event I get your point of view and see nothing wrong with expecting a male to act like a gentleman.

 

I got accused of being a gentleman recently. I suppose the lady in question intended it as a compliment. Seeing her again at the weekend.

[azsinglegal]

Again it's not about the price, but the fact that he was gentlemanly enough to treat me to a dinner.

 

I'm not ENTITLED (as many say) to this, but it's the gesture. It made me feel like such a lady. He fed me. I appreciated this so much.

 

You're one of the few who understand Pierre. Out of curiousity, why is a man such as yourself single?

 

You sound surprised that he treated you to dinner...why is that?

[Ilovewater]

Again it's not about the price, but the fact that he was gentlemanly enough to treat me to a dinner.

 

I'm not ENTITLED (as many say) to this, but it's the gesture. It made me feel like such a lady. He fed me. I appreciated this so much.

 

I don't think I've ever met a woman who's so excited about being treated to on a date. If you've dated people who couldn't afford to pay for dates or were unwilling to pay, your people picker is probably off. Anyhow, this guy sounds good. Good luck.

[FrustratedStandards]

I doubt that anyone here knows whether you're "good enough" or not, but sending out a "big FU" certainly does not make you look very … classy.

 

Neither does a statement like:

 

 

 

I wonder if he thought exactly that when he had a look at you? In the interests of fairness, I certainly hope so.

 

I think one of the problems I've had with the way you present yourself in your posts is that you seem to believe you are in a position to make absolute judgements without having to be subjected to being judged yourself. Also, how you look at "finding a man" a lot like I would look at buying a car. Kind of dehumanized.

 

Honestly, I am always happy when things work out well, but I think that sending out a "big FU" to the people who have spent their time and attention to you after only knowing this guy for a few days is a bit premature. And ugly.

 

It's an FU to the people who attacked me. Like Elswyth over here. She disagrees with my traditional points of view and belittles me for it. I think that's very immature and rude. Disagreeing is enough. The FU goes out to people like her.

 

As for "I hope he thought the same of you". I don't care if he did, if we are still seeing each other then who cares if i'm not attractive as he would like. I'm attractive enough for a second and third date. That's all that matters.

[FrustratedStandards]

You sound surprised that he treated you to dinner...why is that?

 

Because most men have the mentality that just because a woman is an "equal" means she has to pay for half of everything. They don't understand the concept of being a gentleman and accuse me of being a golddigger if I expect a man to pay.

 

I don't think I've ever met a woman who's so excited about being treated to on a date. If you've dated people who couldn't afford to pay for dates or were unwilling to pay, your people picker is probably off. Anyhow, this guy sounds good. Good luck.

 

My people picker was off, yeah. That's why I stopped lowering my standards. Evidently that made me a "golddigger", but hey! Not everyone will agree with your preferences.

[azsinglegal]

Because most men have the mentality that just because a woman is an "equal" means she has to pay for half of everything. They don't understand the concept of being a gentleman and accuse me of being a golddigger if I expect a man to pay.

 

My people picker was off, yeah. That's why I stopped lowering my standards. Evidently that made me a "golddigger", but hey! Not everyone will agree with your preferences.

 

Maybe it's the way you come across? I expect a man to pay for dinner on a first, second and third date honestly.

 

I don't see anything wrong with that...of course, I come from a different generation where men still hold doors for women and "lead" them into a room by the small of their back.

 

After 7 months, my man still pays when we go out to eat (but he lets me pick up a tab once in a while - I offer all the time) and always, ALWAYS holds doors for me.

 

I find it rather sad that you are dating men who won't even treat you to a meal on a date and when they do, you find it surprising.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's an FU to the people who attacked me. Like Elswyth over here. She disagrees with my traditional points of view and belittles me for it.

 

FS, really and truly, your point of view is not "traditional." You don't believe in love, you don't want to have a family, and sometimes, you say you don't want marriage, either.

 

You do say that you will wear lingerie, cook, have sex and clean. In exchange, a very good looking and sexy man is supposed to support you.

 

Do I have this right?

 

I've read all your threads by now, and I do notice quite a lot of backpedaling - sometimes you say that you are not looking for a man to support you, but you are looking for a man who will take the "traditional" role and pay for dates. But then you also say that you don't think you should be working or contributing financially when in a relationship.

 

I have been pretty annoyed and even a bit horrified by your posts … wondering if you could be for real with your expectations of a "relationship." I mean, the interpersonal part never even comes into the equation.

 

And, the barter you offer is not equitable or reasonable. Your services can be purchased with ease, without any obligation beyond a one-time payment.

[FrustratedStandards]

I have the same mentality as you do, azsinglegal. The problem is parents don't raise their kids like that anymore. I am part of this "new generation" where chivalry doesn't exist. That's why it's so difficult for me to find a man like this.

 

The older men I have dated were like this, and I really enjoyed and liked it. But because they were older they came with baggage (ex wives, kids). I tried dating younger men, but I come across this problem here.

[FrustratedStandards]

And, the barter you offer is not equitable or reasonable. Your services can be purchased with ease, without any obligation beyond a one-time payment.

 

You're right. If you have money you can buy these things.

 

But then what is a woman good for? If you can hire a chef, a maid and a prostitute, then what is left for your girlfriend?

[AD1980]

You just want a good looking sugar daddy with no emotional attatchment which is fine

 

The place id suggest to find that is where most women who come here from your country try to find it

 

On a pole

[Ilovewater]

Because most men have the mentality that just because a woman is an "equal" means she has to pay for half of everything. They don't understand the concept of being a gentleman and accuse me of being a golddigger if I expect a man to pay.

 

 

 

My people picker was off, yeah. That's why I stopped lowering my standards. Evidently that made me a "golddigger", but hey! Not everyone will agree with your preferences.

 

I don't think people would think you're a gold digger just because you want the man to pay on dates. People think you're a gold digger because from what you've stated in other threads, you want a man to fully support you while you stay at home without kids once you're in a "committed relationship", since it doesn't seem like you want to be married either. I don't know many men who would be willing to support a woman while she stays at home for no reason.

 

Cooking and cleaning aren't very good reasons. There's not that much to cook (even fancy meals) and clean when there are no kids.... That's where the gold digging comes in. Of course most men, or at least I hope, would support the gfs/wives fully if they stay at to take care of the kids.

[FrustratedStandards]

There is nothing wrong with wanting a man with money.

[azsinglegal]

I have the same mentality as you do, azsinglegal. The problem is parents don't raise their kids like that anymore. I am part of this "new generation" where chivalry doesn't exist. That's why it's so difficult for me to find a man like this.

 

The older men I have dated were like this, and I really enjoyed and liked it. But because they were older they came with baggage (ex wives, kids). I tried dating younger men, but I come across this problem here.

 

How old are you? The man you went out with was 34, which is a year older then my BF. I'm 38.

 

At 34 yrs old - that's not part of a "new generation" that's still part of my generation I believe.

 

Which leads me to believe you might have unrealistic expectations on men or are coming across in a way that doesn't give them the opportunity to be a gentleman.

 

You seem a bit abrasive and unwilling to compromise. Maybe it's not the men you are dating who aren't meeting your standards but it's that your standards aren't logical? Food for thought.

[ptp]

I have the same mentality as you do, azsinglegal. The problem is parents don't raise their kids like that anymore. I am part of this "new generation" where chivalry doesn't exist. That's why it's so difficult for me to find a man like this.

 

The older men I have dated were like this, and I really enjoyed and liked it. But because they were older they came with baggage (ex wives, kids). I tried dating younger men, but I come across this problem here.

 

Women get equality during the workday and then expect chivalry at night?

 

That is a suckers game and less and less are willing to play it.

 

Anyway, I don't think you should be attacked by your views, I just don't agree with them.