fluke200 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 My boyfriend and I are both 18, and we're about to go off to college. We've been together for over a year and a half, and we're ready to have sex, but there's one problem: we're both still living at home. This means that there is always somebody around and we (but especially he) are afraid of getting caught. I've talked to him about trying to get a hotel room for the afternoon, but his parents don't give him much freedom and he didn't seem very enthusiastic about the idea. This has been going on for a long time without any sign of an end. However, this past weekend we finally found the opportunity to make love, but we were so afraid about how much time we had that we rushed everything. It was awkward, and he couldn't stay hard, so we finally gave up. It's strange, because we've fooled around before and nothing like this has ever happened before. I tired talking to him about it later, and we agreed that we had rushed things that day, but now he doesn't seem enthusiastic about having sex at all. I mentioned the hotel idea again, but didn't get a good response. Now I have no idea what to do. I love him, and I want to sleep with him before we go away to school, where I won't be able to see him for months at a time. Please, help! Thanks, Laura
CosmoGirl1391 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 First times are always awkward - especially if both of you are virgins. My ex and I used to have sex in his bedroom with the door open and him mom sitting in the living room!! yeah, it's risky, but if you want it bad enough, you'll do just about anything!! And it adds a little spice - the thought of getting caught! It sounds to me like he is avoiding sex. Like he's just making excuses. If I were you, I would wait until you get to college and find you a experienced hottie to show you the ropes...you don't wanna struggle with someone who don't know what he's doing - what's the point?
UCFKevin Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 Because maybe to her sex is a little more emotional than physical, and she'd rather lose her virginity to someone who she knows cares deeply for her and vice versa? Personally, I'm not into the whole "sex while parents are around" thing. I think it's disrespectful, but that's just me. Plus I live alone so it's no problem to have privacy anyway.
Kelebek Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 Oh I wouldn't have sex anywhere NEAR my parents, as Kevin says, it's disrespectful. Also, it's damn scary!!! I know how you feel Laura, I'm the same age as you and still live at home and so does my boyfriend. We haven't had sex yet (only been together a month ) but when we do we'll have the same problem. There's never an empty house! Do his/your parents work during the day? I think if I were you, I'd go for the hotel idea, maybe book it as a surprise? I'd talk to him first though, find out why he's not as enthusiastic as you'd like. Do you think maybe he's embarrassed cos he couldn't stay hard? It's a shame that you rushed it, of course it was awkward...you want to enjoy it, not just DO it. Just gotta keep practising!! Will there not be a night where your family is out, or anything? I think this would be a really good idea, even just so that you can spend some time together, maybe fool around like you did before you took it further? That might get some of the excitement back and take some of the pressure off both of you. Maybe he's just upset that it wasn't perfect for either of you. He's probably just just nervous and anxious that it will be awkward the next time as well, so he's trying to avoid it. Take care
lexnmike4enomore Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 OK..i dont even know why cosmogirl even replied. Why would Fluke (being a virgin) just pick some random guy in college to have sex with. Obviously sex dosent matter to you. And i would wait until you know that there will be an empty house for the day. I mean absolutely sure that there will be no one home for the day. Then you wont rush it and it will be a special magical moment and thats what your first time should be like. I have to warn you tho. Usually not all the time but usually you'll never stop loving your first. Im 20 and my first was 3 years ago and i see him now and then and i still get butterflies! Just make sure that things arent rushed.. Good luck
Papillon Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 Hmm....sex with the parents around has been been some of the greatest sex I've ever had...different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Or "silent" strokes for "present" folks!
MsLandon Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I remember my first time. Don't worry. You guys will figuire it out. What happened is perfectly normal. I think that things would go more smoothly if you both just relax and try not to put so much emphasis on planning it. Make sur you are protected, but one day when you are out and maybe fooling around, suggest the hotel idea while in the moment. Just like anything, it's much better with it's spontanious. Planning causes anxiety, pressure and causes what should be a pleasurable experience to be less than that. Take your time. It will happen exactly when and how it's supposed to. Good luck!
daletom Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 Have you considered - that maybe your guy is seeing sex as a more significant thing now than he used to? You might want to have a discussion about "When is it right for two people to have sex?". Contrary to popular notions, first-time sex really DOES matter as much (or more) to many guys as it does to girls. Though perhaps it matters differently. As for your direct question - I think you need time. Lots of it. At the very least, a whole day (or night) together; a weekend would be better. Do you REALLY know how your parents feel about your relationship with this guy? Believe it or not, many would co-operate with your desires under the right circumstances (though the "official" teaching of our society says otherwise). One set of parents might even invite you (or your B/F) along on a family trip, knowing that you'll have your own room. If this sounds preposterous to you, maybe you & your B/F are rushing things a bit. I suspect he needs lots of assurance, comforting and coaching to get over his embarrassment and "failure". It's not too rare (I'm told), but can be devastating to a guy. This probably requires more time than you'll be able to give in a 30-minute make-out session while parked in your driveway. Unless the two of you can engineer some more favorable surroundings to make it happen, you may be setting yourselves up for more bad experiences. Your B/F is an example of how people can be hurt by a bad experience (they can also have just the opposite reaction to a good one!). Keep this in mind when it finally DOES happen. In the time afterwards, you both need to be very communicative to each other, because you may be more emotionally vulnerable than any time in your life.
Love2share Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 It's normal for men to have problems staying hard when they are stressed. Your boyfriend was clearly stressed about rushing everythig. Don't take it personal. Just slow down. If the two of you are right for each other, you will have time. And you will both be ready. Right now, he probably avoids sex because he's embarrassed about not staying hard. Men are very sensetive about that type of thing. To prevent that from happening again, he will avoid it altogether. The best thing for you to do about that is have a serious discussion with him to see if that's really what's bothering him. Hopefully he will be comfortable talking to you openly about it. He won't be able to get over the disaster until he knows that you understand him. And don't judge or blame him for the whole thing. Good luck !!!!
LILUIL Posted May 22, 2004 Posted May 22, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon Hmm....sex with the parents around has been been some of the greatest sex I've ever had...different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Or "silent" strokes for "present" folks! LMAO good one papillon. fluke200 ask yourself seriously will it matter if you dont have sex with him before college and maybe leave it for later. you do have confidence that your relationship will continue despite the distance and time factors in the future. or are you looking for somekind of assurance or guarantee out of this relationship because you two are gonna be away. if he's serious about you, no matter how far apart, he will always have you in his heart and you will be THE ONE for him regardless of whatever college girl he will meet. you two have had a fulfilling and wholesome relationship for this long, right? So i'll agree with the rest who say let it happen naturally. planning to have sex does not work for me...... how does one schedule it for next tuesday? i dont get it
Recommended Posts