Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 OP, rather than masticating logistics, keep it simple....Do you like her? If no, move on to something else. Is she single? If no, move on to something else. Do you want to date her? If no, move on to something else. If yes to the above, ask her on a date. Simple. Of course I'd like to keep it that simple. But what I'm more curious about is women in general, not this one in particular. After the past few days, it doesn't look so promising...
Mrlonelyone Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 You could handle this situation by just putting dating out of your mind. Just forget about dating until you get where your going in life. If you happen to fall into a perfect situation with a woman go for it...but just don't look around and try to force it. I don't know how viable "dating" a woman from the stan's in the stan's is. They arrange marriages. The closest the more "liberal" ones get to dating is by getting "engaged" to a man who they then proceed to date before getting married after about a year of that. It's not impossible by any means, but there can be some huge cultural clashes that it takes maturity from both parties to compromise and deal with. Sad to say you may just have to get used to a regular session with the Victoria's secret catalog and some hand lotion.
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 What are you curious about regarding 'women in general' that has to do with this topic?
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Somewhat related: http://terminallance.com/2010/11/16/terminal-lance-81-myths-and-legends-iii/ That legitimately scares the heck out of me...
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 What are you curious about regarding 'women in general' that has to do with this topic? E.g., if I'm out and about, whether in a social scene or a non-social environment, I meet a girl and we hit it off. Do I even ask for her number...do I even ask her on a date...? And if so, when do I tell her that I'm going to be gone for basically 2 years in just a few months? Do I suggest that we remain casual (essentially FWBs)...? Or do I be a dick and not tell her at all? These are the things I think about...
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Here were my prior answers: "If she says yes and you have a few dates and get along, then talk about your deployment if she's not already aware of it." "If she says no and you have no other prospects, make a decision about pursuing others in the months prior to deployment and implement that decision." I tied them to the lady in question but they apply generally.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Look at it this way. Did you ever hear stories from WWII of men marrying their sweetheart just before deployment? I did, don't know how reliable they are. They did it thinking that they might not come back. I know you are well trained, and we have a very heavily armed millitary, but the Afghans are hard fighters indeed. God forbid something should happen....would you regret not taking the chance on love? Answer that and act according to the answer.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 God forbid something should happen....would you regret not taking the chance on love? Answer that and act according to the answer. But is it fair to the other person...?
Mrlonelyone Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 If they agree to marry a <s>soldier</s> Marine then they know the risk. If they say I do then they know what can happen.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 If they agree to marry a <s>soldier</s> Marine then they know the risk. If they say I do then they know what can happen. Of course, and I think it takes a very special person to marry and be faithful to a servicemember. But I'd feel like I was using a woman just to experience love before I deploy...I don't want to force anything...but at the same time, i don't want to be completely closed off...so I'm torn as to what's the right thing to do...
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Here were my prior answers: "If she says yes and you have a few dates and get along, then talk about your deployment if she's not already aware of it." "If she says no and you have no other prospects, make a decision about pursuing others in the months prior to deployment and implement that decision." I tied them to the lady in question but they apply generally. And i guess at this point, I'm doing preliminary thinking as to what I'd do prior to deployment...
Nexus One Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) What do you do if life gets in the way of your dating life...? Do you just accept it as such and avoid dating or starting any kind of relationship, or do you say f*ck it and go for it anyway? I've been in that situation for a while now, because I first want to achieve certain business goals. In terms of dealing with that, it's tearing me apart. I've been having sleepless nights over it for nearly a year now and I think I've been kind of filling the void I'm feeling by posting on LS. On one side, the drive to achieve those goals is very high in me, on the other side I want a meaningful relationship. I know I can't give 100% right now, so that's why I'm refraining. I'm probably unconventionally tough on myself as someone that knows me described it. I feel love sick, in the sense that I'm starved for love. I have no other way of describing it. But I'm trying to push through it. In order for my plans to work out, success is my only motherf*cking option. Edited October 27, 2011 by Nexus One
Nexus One Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 or do you say f*ck it and go for it anyway? There have been several situations in the past year where I nearly caved. In some of the situations the girls disappeared out of my life before I could ask them out and in other situations I stopped myself. I know there's no point in leading a woman on if I know I can't give 100% yet, it would be unfair to her.
Star Gazer Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You know guys... as much as I hate the chiche, I really do think it's instances like this (having other sh*t going on, whether professional, personal, familial, etc.) where you just have to say, "If it happens, great... but I'm not gonna go looking for it." You know, the whole, "It'll happen when you least expect it or aren't actively looking" kinda thing. But that doesn't mean you can't still have/put yourself "out there," just that perhaps you should refrain from actively looking for romance/a relationship. If someone great happens to cross your path, go for it. Don't hold back. But don't go looking for a relationship knowing your other encumbrances. Does that make sense?
Emilia Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Of course, and I think it takes a very special person to marry and be faithful to a servicemember. But I'd feel like I was using a woman just to experience love before I deploy...I don't want to force anything...but at the same time, i don't want to be completely closed off...so I'm torn as to what's the right thing to do... The other person is an adult so it should be a decision based on 50-50 input. That is if you are actually serious about dating and not just looking for an excuse to put it on hold
Emilia Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You know guys... as much as I hate the chiche, I really do think it's instances like this (having other sh*t going on, whether professional, personal, familial, etc.) where you just have to say, "If it happens, great... but I'm not gonna go looking for it." You know, the whole, "It'll happen when you least expect it or aren't actively looking" kinda thing. But that doesn't mean you can't still have/put yourself "out there," just that perhaps you should refrain from actively looking for romance/a relationship. If someone great happens to cross your path, go for it. Don't hold back. But don't go looking for a relationship knowing your other encumbrances. Does that make sense? Yes. In situations like this the only thing you can do is living your life in the present the best you can. I think this applies to a large majority of situations in life because there is so little control you have over relationships/the future in general. The only exception is when you have children, you have to try your hardest to control what environment they grow up in.
wezol Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Yea, I'm going to the 'stan, but I have no intention or desire to "date" in country... Stay single, it'll be easier, believe me. Been to asskrackistan once, looking back, it WOULD of been easier to deal with had I been single. When you get back, you'll have matured and changed in many ways (some good, some bad) and you won't be who you were before you left (for the most part). Stay single, keep your money, have fun, and when you get home start looking again. And please, for the love of god, don't go off finding whore houses that are "rumored" to be around. I've never seen em, but yeah... I also very much doubt you will have the opportunity to fall in love with a Muslim woman over there....
january2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Is this likely to be a combat deployment or humanitarian mission? There are two ways we can approach this: Realistically, if you're out in the field a lot, you'll find it difficult to find the time and energy to invest in an LDR or maintain a serious relationship while you're out there. You probably won't have time to breath - which just leaves casual relationships and the occasional ONS - most likely with a fellow deployed colleague rather than a local. Then there's the dealing with everything when you come back - don't remember reading if you've deployed before, but if you've spoken to colleagues who have, what it does to you mentally (and physically) can have quite an impact on your ongoing and future relationships. There's also the people you leave behind - while you're doing your thing, they'll be getting on with their lives and it can be hard to reconnect when you return unless you've maintained the relationship while you're away and it'll be just like you came back from a long holiday.* None of this means that it's not going to work out - it's just very very difficult because you'll be in high stress situations that will put a strain on all your relationships, not just your romantic ones - why do you think there are so many videos of soldiers/marines goofing off in their downtime? Alternatively, if you're open to exploration, why not keep in touch and see what happens with the work colleague - see if you can make the best of the time you have before you deploy. Or you can keep it light and just keep it to (socialising and) sex - though there's no accounting for what your hearts will have to say about any of this. As Star wrote, you may be jumping the gun somewhat. However, as long as you and whomever you connect with are open, honest and communicative about your needs and circumstances, I don't see why you can't be upfront about the elephant in the room and just see what happens. Perhaps the worst that can happen is that you fall in love and you're separated by oceans and continents, but people and relationships have survived much worse circumstances. Since I'm in an optimistic mood today, I say, just do it. A lot can happen in a year.
Nexus One Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 You know guys... as much as I hate the chiche, I really do think it's instances like this (having other sh*t going on, whether professional, personal, familial, etc.) where you just have to say, "If it happens, great... but I'm not gonna go looking for it." You know, the whole, "It'll happen when you least expect it or aren't actively looking" kinda thing. But that doesn't mean you can't still have/put yourself "out there," just that perhaps you should refrain from actively looking for romance/a relationship. If someone great happens to cross your path, go for it. Don't hold back. But don't go looking for a relationship knowing your other encumbrances. Does that make sense? Makes complete sense, but if I'm understanding you correctly you're referring to having flings instead of a relationship, which isn't what I'm looking for in this stage of my life, as I feel I want something meaningful and the lack thereof has me feeling "love sick". I'm not sure I should be open to a fling given the way I'm feeling.
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