USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 What do you do if life gets in the way of your dating life...? Do you just accept it as such and avoid dating or starting any kind of relationship, or do you say f*ck it and go for it anyway? Long story short, I'll be moving across the country in less than two months, and i found out last night that I'll be deploying this summer for a year, with the possibility/opportunity for another back-to-back deployment right when I get back. That means I'll be gone for practically two years. This is pretty much the ideal career hookup that I've gotten, and it works for me because I'm single with nothing to leave behind... But I also feel like I'd be wasting some prime time of my life if I hang it up until I'm done with the deployments...if I do happen to meet someone in the meantime, do I even go for it knowing that it probably won't work or that I'd have to marry her... But seriously, any thoughts or personal experiences with life circumstances getting in the way of dating...? I'm seriously considering pumping the brakes with the girl at work...
Emilia Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Well, I'm not completely unbiased here because someone I'm talking to at the moment is in the British Army and the nature of his specialism means deployment will come up at some point. I'd say go for it with that girl. Whatever you do, don't marry her but date her for as long as you can. There is no way you can predict the unpredictable so might as well be brave and good luck!
zengirl Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) Never been deployed, but I have signed annual (and slightly longer or shorter) contracts in other countries. If I was in a country for less than a month or two, I didn't really date there much (just some friendly flirting and going out dutch or something, but no sex or romance) but otherwise, I never really worried about it on the long-term places. A year is a long time, really. I did have a relationship that broke up due to logistics, and it sucked, but it sucked less than any other breakup, really, because it helped us realize we didn't want to get married (and that'd be the only way to really stay together) without any sort of bitterness or rejection really, since it was truly a mutual realization. If we had wanted to marry each other, we could've stayed together, and I've seen that happen with other couples, both on the contracts like I was and even in the military. But, then, I don't worry about endings so much. If I know I don't even have time to get started (that 1-2 months), then I treat it like an extended holiday, but if I'm going to be somewhere for a year or so, I treat it like a home, and that includes building a community of friends, dating, etc. I think worrying about what will happen next year with someone you haven't even met yet is silly. Planning for the future in positive ways is great, but worrying about it is kind of silly, if you ask me. Life will never set you up just perfectly. Just be honest with everyone you meet about how long you'll be somewhere. If it's a community with expats, they'll be like me and see a year as an eternity anyway. If not, yes, it may be a dealbreaker to some potential dates, but c'est la vie. But others may be more geographically mobile (if at the end of that year, y'all want to marry and stay together, which could happen if it works out) than you think or have less care towards what happens down the road or etc. As to the current girl. . . eh, with only 2 months. . . just dating likely, but if she's up for it and you're into it, why not? Just be very clear on where y'all are. If you don't think it's worth it, to you, I can certainly understand that. If it were me, I'd wait the 2 months. Not long enough to really get me invested. Edited October 27, 2011 by zengirl
Pierre Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Many GIs fall in love with Muslim women when they are deployed. Is that where you are going? Many soldiers end up dating European women if they get stationed in Europe. Do not be upset. There are women in every corner of the planet.
aj22one Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Couple years ago I kinda fell for this foreign student (anyone who follows my thread I kind of have a thing for certain cultures). She told me she was "probably 100%" going to leave when her father's job appointment was done in a few months. I decided to hit the breaks on us and just be friends. Well, turned out her father got a job as a professor and ended up staying in the country for another 2 years. She ended up dating another guy (who didn't care about her long term situation) they got engaged and are now married. I'm happy for them, but I kinda wished I had pursued things a little, at least to see where things could have gone. The lesson I learned? Future plans aren't ever set in stone. You think you'll be doing one thing but life has a funny way of pulling out the rug from under you. Go for what you want now and let the chips fall as they may. The worst that could happen is you tried and crap got in the way.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 As to the current girl. . . eh, with only 2 months. . . just dating likely, but if she's up for it and you're into it, why not? Just be very clear on where y'all are. If you don't think it's worth it, to you, I can certainly understand that. If it were me, I'd wait the 2 months. Not long enough to really get me invested. Well, I admit that I'm just using my career to rationalize not moving forward with it...I asked her out again, and again she tried to push it off to another time...I don't think she's all that interested to begin with...but that's a conversation for another day...
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Many GIs fall in love with Muslim women when they are deployed. Is that where you are going? Yea, I'm going to the 'stan, but I have no intention or desire to "date" in country...
Pierre Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Yea, I'm going to the 'stan, but I have no intention or desire to "date" in country... Don't give up so easily. Some Afghanistan women are hot and they are low maintenance. http://www.southtravels.com/asia/afghanistan/gifs/woman.jpg
Emilia Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Don't give up so easily. Some Afghanistan women are hot and they are low maintenance. http://www.southtravels.com/asia/afghanistan/gifs/woman.jpg There is also no reliable STD testing I'd imagine. That's what I usually say to those that travel to the 3rd world (regardless under what circumstances).
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 IMO, if you're already dating someone and enjoying their company, continue. What happens when you deploy, happens. The future will get here soon enough. Live today.
tman666 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 While I HIGHLY doubt you'll be falling for any of the local fare in Afghanistan, I would sort of recommend (based on what I've seen) that you keep it fun and casual with any girls you might date between now and then. As you know, a budding relationship is writhe with trials in trust and other important hurdles, and being on the other side of the planet won't help that. You'll be under plenty enough stress while deployed without having to worry about what your girl back home is doing.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Don't give up so easily. Some Afghanistan women are hot and they are low maintenance. http://www.southtravels.com/asia/afghanistan/gifs/woman.jpg Heh. Well I'm really only concerned with the months leading up to this summer...and what about sex...?
Pierre Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Heh. Well I'm really only concerned with the months leading up to this summer...and what about sex...? I don't believe the Afghan women put out like Western women do. You may have to get married. Emilia STD test may be moot if he finds a virgin:laugh:.
Emilia Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I don't believe the Afghan women put out like Western women do. You may have to get married. Emilia STD test may be moot if he finds a virgin:laugh:. I suppose over there is different (though seriously, there are so many diseases, you don't want to know). I spent a year and a half in Africa and there is no such thing as a virgin on that continent over the age of about 12 maybe 14
aj22one Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I don't believe the Afghan women put out like Western women do. You may have to get married. Emilia STD test may be moot if he finds a virgin:laugh:. Maybe not. If he stationed in the Northern part of the country that's where a lot of former commies live (I dated a girl once whose father was one) and they're much more culturally progressive.
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Heh. Well I'm really only concerned with the months leading up to this summer...and what about sex...? The woman you're dating presumably knows your profession and circumstances and is an adult. If she wants to have sex and you the same, then that's what will happen. You each have choices about what you do and acting on any emotions you attach to it. For example, if you feel you'll get too attached to her if you have sex and deploying like that will distress you, communicate that and act upon that information.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 The woman you're dating presumably knows your profession and circumstances and is an adult. If she wants to have sex and you the same, then that's what will happen. You each have choices about what you do and acting on any emotions you attach to it. For example, if you feel you'll get too attached to her if you have sex and deploying like that will distress you, communicate that and act upon that information. I'm not dating anyone at the moment...there's a girl I'm interested in, but we have yet to go out on a date...
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I'm not dating anyone at the moment...there's a girl I'm interested in, but we have yet to go out on a date... Sorry, misinterpreted the 'pumping the brakes with the girl at work' part. Here's what I'd do. If I liked her, I'd ask her out on a date. If she said yes, then that. If no, then that. If she says yes and you have a few dates and get along, then talk about your deployment if she's not already aware of it. If she says no and you have no other prospects, make a decision about pursuing others in the months prior to deployment and implement that decision.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 While I HIGHLY doubt you'll be falling for any of the local fare in Afghanistan, I would sort of recommend (based on what I've seen) that you keep it fun and casual with any girls you might date between now and then. As you know, a budding relationship is writhe with trials in trust and other important hurdles, and being on the other side of the planet won't help that. You'll be under plenty enough stress while deployed without having to worry about what your girl back home is doing. And this is exactly my concern...I certainly won't have the time invested to develop that trust and certainty to commit...so if I'm stuck with casual, should I even bother?
tman666 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 And this is exactly my concern...I certainly won't have the time invested to develop that trust and certainty to commit...so if I'm stuck with casual, should I even bother? I would still go for it, but guardedly. You never know, things might heat up again when you get back. Plus, even if you never see her again after you deploy, you'll at least be able to have a little fun beforehand. If you're the guy that falls for girls easily, you might want to rethink it though. Not that you'd want to go into full-on hermit mode or anything, but you know yourself better than anyone...
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Sorry, misinterpreted the 'pumping the brakes with the girl at work' part. Here's what I'd do. If I liked her, I'd ask her out on a date. If she said yes, then that. If no, then that. If she says yes and you have a few dates and get along, then talk about your deployment if she's not already aware of it. If she says no and you have no other prospects, make a decision about pursuing others in the months prior to deployment and implement that decision. Well, she's also a Marine who has her own deployment schedule...and although she's also moving out to the west coast with me, she'll still be 3 hours away...so best case, I see her on weekends, and worst case, our deployments are completely out of sync and I'll never see her...
Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 You're putting the cart way before the horse, aren't you? You're not even dating anyone right now. So why worry about putting something that doesn't exist on hold?
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 OP, rather than masticating logistics, keep it simple....Do you like her? If no, move on to something else. Is she single? If no, move on to something else. Do you want to date her? If no, move on to something else. If yes to the above, ask her on a date. Simple.
tman666 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Somewhat related: http://terminallance.com/2010/11/16/terminal-lance-81-myths-and-legends-iii/
Author USMCHokie Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 You're putting the cart way before the horse, aren't you? You're not even dating anyone right now. So why worry about putting something that doesn't exist on hold? Because it will affect the way I approach women in general.
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