Author daphne Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Aw, not always. I don't want to scare you Daphne but the last time I had a date like that was about six years ago...and now he's upstairs convincing our stubborn toddler to get back in bed. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, too. Of course now I know he's not perfect, but he's still pretty damn good. Too cute. Yes, the other shoe. I was thinking about that yesterday. I'm going to have to relax. The worst thing that could happen, is that it doesn't work out again and I have to keep looking. But back to the cute, yeah he makes me think of babies and how cute ours would be and they'd be bilingual. I haven't had that weird yen with a guy for about 5 years. I was wrong about him tho... so there's a reason I'm cautious. sure, why not? everyone does it. keep yourself as safe as possible. I will, dad. I promise. Before I get serious I'll probably do a full background check. I'll report back. I'm glad you've found someone you like. Me too. I am feeling a bit more level today fortunately. I think the key is to see him as little as possible until I get used to him. lol.
oaks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I think the key is to see him as little as possible until I get used to him. lol. That's crazy talk. You know it.
Stung Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I didn't say "always", i said "in general" Ok, grumpy. I didn't mean to imply that you said always. Too cute. Yes, the other shoe. I was thinking about that yesterday. I'm going to have to relax. The worst thing that could happen, is that it doesn't work out again and I have to keep looking. But back to the cute, yeah he makes me think of babies and how cute ours would be and they'd be bilingual. I haven't had that weird yen with a guy for about 5 years. I was wrong about him tho... so there's a reason I'm cautious. Well, okay. Statistically, as we all know, most relationships falter and either peter out or explode, and we've all been there before and picked up a few scars...but some of them have to succeed. I'm all for cautious, but maybe more like cautious optimism, and just enjoying this moment. This moment with this guy feels good, yeah? Roll with it, even knowing it might not last. These gushy feelings do not come along every day. Anyway, like you said, you already know how to pick yourself back up after your heart gets bruised, the worst that can happen does suck but it's something you know you can survive. And who knows? Most first dates bomb, too, and you already have a great one under your belt here. You know... I've had some horrible dates before. Unattractive. Lack of hygiene. Disheveled. Talked about their exes. Annoying hyena laugh. Stupid. Ignorant. Insulting. Whatever. But by far the worst is when it's like pulling teeth to have a conversation. I felt like I was engaging with a one-word-responding-staring-robot. I wanted to stab myself in my eye with my fork. So when I see people having dates that make them giddy... well, I'm THANKFUL that dates like that are still possible! My worst first date was just a couple of months before I got involved with my husband. Oh my god, it was--memorable. I met him online and he was totally misleading. We had drinks, it took about an hour, during which time he told me all about how his ex-gf, and his gambling problem, and how he had moved back in with his mom, and he owed her rent money but he had blown it on horse racing...and then he cried. Seriously, all of this happened over the time it took him to drink two beers. He talked about how he couldn't get a better job because his drivers license had been revoked for a DUI, but then got really defensive and angry when I brought up the fact that the mass transit system in the area was actually really good. I felt really sorry for him but there was really no question about whether there would be a second date . He seemed to be hoping I would lose my mind and take him home in some weird rush of confused maternal instinct and sexual desire, I think his last girlfriend had a real Florence Nightengale complex. I did suggest that he look into Gambler's Anonymous. Edited October 28, 2011 by Stung
Cee Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 It's fun reading people's thoughts on first dates. My worst first date was with a guy who berated me as soon as we met. He kept pointing out I didn't like him because he didn't look like his photo (which was Vince Vaughn-esque so I knew he wouldn't really look like that). His whiny attitude was more off-putting than him not looking like his photo. And then the guy who acted so spaced out on the date and later claimed he might have been drugged and didn't remember the date. To this day, I don't really understand what happened, but he probably was high on something that night. My first date with my boyfriend was enjoyable, but nothing extraordinary. We talked, walked, and then talked some more. I had no idea at the time that this man would become the greatest love I've ever had. I was so petrified of dating at that point, I wouldn't dare speculate on where it would go.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 That's crazy talk. You know it. Lol. I realize it sounds a little crazy, but I'm kind of glad we're not rushing into the seeing each other every day thing. It would be too overwhelming and I wouldn't be able to keep my feet on the ground. I've actually settled down quite a bit and am focused on routine things instead of all of the future fantasy things I was thinking about just 24 hours ago. Well, okay. Statistically, as we all know, most relationships falter and either peter out or explode, and we've all been there before and picked up a few scars...but some of them have to succeed. I'm all for cautious, but maybe more like cautious optimism, and just enjoying this moment. This moment with this guy feels good, yeah? Roll with it, even knowing it might not last. These gushy feelings do not come along every day. Anyway, like you said, you already know how to pick yourself back up after your heart gets bruised, the worst that can happen does suck but it's something you know you can survive. And who knows? Most first dates bomb, too, and you already have a great one under your belt here. Yes, statistically speaking 0% of my previous relationships have worked out so I'm going to be cautious and hope for the best. I just don't want to go in, as I have before, bright eyed and naive and expecting the guy to be perfect and suited for me and then realize he's as human as every other guy I've met and annoying as crap to boot. Oh wait. I probably will find that out regardless of the outcome. They are men, after all. Yes, it is nice to know that you can still get that feeling and it's not over a guy who pretends to be a nice guy. I've made many errors in judgement in the past, but I trust my ability to be more perceptive of red flag behavior given enough time now. But if I don't keep my feet on the ground I will miss it and I think that's why I'm trying to back up the bus. I don't want to jump onboard the wrong love boat. Stung, When you were dating your husband did you have these retarded gushy feelings? One girl laughs at me and tells me she's jealous because I look like I've drunk the kool-aid.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Oh yeah, the old classic "But seriously, our kids would be beautiful." Yep, you're crushin' He he. I've stopped thinking about it. Cos I started realizing that I could get fat if I have kids. lol. That stops me from getting too far ahead. A big butt. Daphne, SLOW DOWN. First date, and he's implying he's already fantasizing about the two of you moving in together (in that "other part of town"?) Sounds kind of nutty actually. I don't think it's nutty. I think he's getting ahead of himself as I am. I also realize that if we both jump into a fantasy, we probably won't make it because we won't get to know the other person well. But I will be paying attention to whether or not he's trying to speed things up. A guy who's in a hurry to rush the relationship forward is often not a keeper.
alphamale Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 A guy who's in a hurry to rush the relationship forward is often not a keeper. i've met many couples who met and married within a month. some are divorced and some are still married after 20 yrs. the length of time you know each other before marriage has little to do with the actual marriage.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 It's fun reading people's thoughts on first dates. My worst first date was with a guy who berated me as soon as we met. He kept pointing out I didn't like him because he didn't look like his photo (which was Vince Vaughn-esque so I knew he wouldn't really look like that). His whiny attitude was more off-putting than him not looking like his photo. And then the guy who acted so spaced out on the date and later claimed he might have been drugged and didn't remember the date. To this day, I don't really understand what happened, but he probably was high on something that night. My first date with my boyfriend was enjoyable, but nothing extraordinary. We talked, walked, and then talked some more. I had no idea at the time that this man would become the greatest love I've ever had. I was so petrified of dating at that point, I wouldn't dare speculate on where it would go. There are a ton of guys with issues online. It shouldn't surprise me, but somehow it does. Occasionally I get a pang of anxiety that I think I must be desperate to do online dating when I think there are so many unsavory characters on there. Then I realize that I know solid decent people who've met other solid decent people there too. Your date with your bf is how I have found to be best way to ease into something that can be long lasting and real. The way I feel things are going now, reminds me only of relationships that were "Danger Will Rogers, Danger Danger." I like teh slow build up and realness of getting to know someone and finding "holy crap, this guy's the sh**." I feel that if I don't ride the brakes, he surely won't and we could ruin a potentially good thing.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 i've met many couples who met and married within a month. some are divorced and some are still married after 20 yrs. the length of time you know each other before marriage has little to do with the actual marriage. In my experience, though, most guys that are in a rush are really rushing for sex. They'll proclaim we have a lot in common but they just really want the sex. You know men like a challenge. Or best case scenario, they think you're awesome and maybe want both. But soon after getting sex, have a change of heart.
Cee Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 When's your tennis date with the Maple Leaf guy? I'm hoping it's soon because we need new talking points in this thread.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 You've got this all wrong. I used to have no ass, so I've always considered myself a "flat-ass" kind of guy, which I honestly felt guilty about, because I didn't want to pass those genes on to any kids, and I always made sure to date girls with big butts so that I could hopefully cancel out my "flat-ass gene". But now that I've started working out, my cheeks have ballooned into a full and round bubble butt. Overall it has been great. None my pants fit anymore, but I love to turn around in front of the mirror. Also I walk more confidently now. I can tell that all the girls on the street keep getting chilled to the bone by my two fresh mounds of snow. You should have kids with this man right away. LOL. Chilled to the bone? Have you polled them? I once had a coworker tell me that my ass could make a man put up with anything. I'd like to keep it that way. When's your tennis date with the Maple Leaf guy? I'm hoping it's soon because we need new talking points in this thread. We're actually going to lunch tomorrow instead. Are we boring you woman?
Stung Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Yes, statistically speaking 0% of my previous relationships have worked out so I'm going to be cautious and hope for the best. I just don't want to go in, as I have before, bright eyed and naive and expecting the guy to be perfect and suited for me and then realize he's as human as every other guy I've met and annoying as crap to boot. Oh wait. I probably will find that out regardless of the outcome. They are men, after all. Yes, it is nice to know that you can still get that feeling and it's not over a guy who pretends to be a nice guy. I've made many errors in judgement in the past, but I trust my ability to be more perceptive of red flag behavior given enough time now. But if I don't keep my feet on the ground I will miss it and I think that's why I'm trying to back up the bus. I don't want to jump onboard the wrong love boat. Stung, When you were dating your husband did you have these retarded gushy feelings? One girl laughs at me and tells me she's jealous because I look like I've drunk the kool-aid. Well, obviously if you're looking for a guy to be inhumanly perfect you're always going to be disappointed... And yes, yes I did. It freaked me out, I had a lot of defensive walls. Of course, I had spent several months communicating pretty intensely with him before we ever went on our first date, we had been really interested in each other but had also been trying not to take it too seriously because neither one of us really believed in LDRs, so those early days of dating were the climax of a lot of expectation and fantasy and fear, and peeking behind the curtain...it was a rush when everything actually matched up so well. People used to tell me I was glowing, and I would tell them to shut up:laugh:.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Well, obviously if you're looking for a guy to be inhumanly perfect you're always going to be disappointed... And yes, yes I did. It freaked me out, I had a lot of defensive walls. Of course, I had spent several months communicating pretty intensely with him before we ever went on our first date, we had been really interested in each other but had also been trying not to take it too seriously because neither one of us really believed in LDRs, so those early days of dating were the climax of a lot of expectation and fantasy and fear, and peeking behind the curtain...it was a rush when everything actually matched up so well. People used to tell me I was glowing, and I would tell them to shut up:laugh:. I'm trying to keep my expectations reasonable. Something I've been working on for some time. WIp Cute. I'm glad you can be goofy and gushy and it doesn't necessarily mean there's a toxic man creating smoke and mirrors. I'll try not to have too many walls, but I still want to take. it. slooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwww. At one point I was glowing and grinning stupid and put my hands on my cheeks. I looked like a childish lunatic. I felt like one too.
alphamale Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 At one point I was glowing and grinning stupid and put my hands on my cheeks. I looked like a childish lunatic. I felt like one too. yea i can see that in my mind's eye right now
ascendotum Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Daphne, SLOW DOWN. First date, and he's implying he's already fantasizing about the two of you moving in together (in that "other part of town"?) Sounds kind of nutty actually. Nutty for Daphne. You aren't the only who thought he was going a bit overborad with that shtick. Well, okay. Statistically, as we all know, most relationships falter and either peter out or explode, and we've all been there before and picked up a few scars...but some of them have to succeed. I'm all for cautious, but maybe more like cautious optimism, and just enjoying this moment. This moment with this guy feels good, yeah? Roll with it, even knowing it might not last. These gushy feelings do not come along every day. Anyway, like you said, you already know how to pick yourself back up after your heart gets bruised, the worst that can happen does suck but it's something you know you can survive. And who knows? Most first dates bomb, too, and you already have a great one under your belt here. Nice post stung, captures my thoughts..
Imajerk17 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Came to this thread late. No advice to give, just as you know already to keep hopes reasonable. I hope it works out as you want it to, daphne!
PhillyDude Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Gushing is refreshing on here. Sometimes all of us need to hear the positive side of dating, rather than the stories like how the guy cleaned his earwax with the dinner fork. I refused to believe a guy did that on a date. And if he did then he must have been from a mental institution
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Nutty for Daphne. You aren't the only who thought he was going a bit overborad with that shtick. In the context of the conversation, it didn't blow me away. He was throwing out things to see what my preferences were. It would be far from the first time that a guy dangles forward thinking carrots out there. I'll know soon enough if he's in too much of a rush for my taste. I have noticed that guys that are looking for long term tend to want to know where you want to live, what common points of interest you have, and how you treat others. Came to this thread late. No advice to give, just as you know already to keep hopes reasonable. I hope it works out as you want it to, daphne! Thanks for your continued support.
Author daphne Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 We had our second date. We spent too much time on both our dates. I hope we don't get bored with each other too quickly. I've pulled back a little. I'm trying to see who he is, before I get too involved. He sensed it but we're both still open. I'm just not sold yet. He seems so normal and very sweet and laid back. We found out we have even more in common. He's fiscally conservative (YEAH!) He seems pretty attentive to me. I like that. We walked around the neighborhood that we talked about on our first date. He seriously wants to buy a house in that area. Which is good, because it means he's gainfully employed. We were so nervous in the beginning. It was very odd. I felt like I was in high school. We're going out again tomorrow and I hope we can chill out and relax. Apart from the nervousness, it's fun getting to know him.
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 We were so nervous in the beginning. It was very odd. I felt like I was in high school. We're going out again tomorrow and I hope we can chill out and relax. Apart from the nervousness, it's fun getting to know him. Heeheeheehee...
Author daphne Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Heeheeheehee... That's what I said when I got home...
cerridwen Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 I'll tell you what's cute...this! ...We had our second date. We spent too much time on both our dates. I hope we don't get bored with each other too quickly.... We're going out again tomorrow ... So cute.
Author daphne Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 I'll tell you what's cute...this! So cute. All I can say is.. teeheehee.
PhillyDude Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 All I can say is.. teeheehee. so I guess yall will be boyfriend and girlfriend by next week
Cee Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Third date tomorrow. That's great. Maybe you'll have a kiss. I like it when dating feels like high school - when holding someone's hand or kissing brings on fireworks.
Recommended Posts