Rflook Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Hi, Posting here as not really sure what else to do. Two years ago my wife and I split, we had been together as a couple for six years, got married and six months later I found out she cheated on me a few months into the marriage. I kicked her out of the flat we were in at the time, she went to her folks, we went to counselling, she never moved back in and finally she called it a day as she said that she didn't think it was fair on me if I was with her. Anyhow, cue crying, drinking lots, taking drugs for a short while and giving consideration to suicide. Managed to get though it though had to go on meds and still broke down badly from time to time. Anyway about five months after this happened I started dating a girl (still am), and two months after that my ex wanted to know if we could try again. At the time I told her no, I didn't want to run the risk of going through the hell I had just been through all over again and I wanted to see where this new relationship was going to go. Don't get me wrong that was not an easy decision to make and it still haunts me to an extent. Ok so now Im in a better place emotionally, financially and health wise. Basically I should be happy right? Problem is at least once a week I think about my ex, it's not even a conscious thought, it will often just spring up at me. It's a hard feeling to describe, like an emptiness in my stomach which makes me want to cry - though I haven't done that for over a year now. I'm not sure if I miss her or I miss what we could have been, it sounds cheesy but all of our friends I have spoken to (and believe me I have spoken to them all in depth), all said they never saw it coming and we were perfect for each other. Don't get me wrong we had arguments and our lives were not perfect, but for the most we were happy until something went wrong and instead of communicating it all blew up. So here is the question, how do you finally move on and let go of that 'thing' which is stopping you from going from 90% to 100% over the break up? Grateful for any advice/suggestions
EgoJoe Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Hey bud, if you say you can't: you won't. If you say you can: you will. While you'll get alot of very good and valid opinions from here. Alot of us while intelligent, educated etc. are not professionals. Some of us (me somedays) are very jaded and bitter. It is difficult to fight these feelings that stem from our egos and identify the ones that come from our "self". My advice to you is to stop saying can't, would, could, should and all of those other wishful thinking or negative phrases. I would also advise you to undergo a long term therapy plan as you'll have to crack the shell, face the pain and undergo a transformation on the inside so that you can come to terms with your physical, emotional and mental reality. Keep your head up because your emotional health and well-being is within your control. You would be unwise to say "I will change this persons mind" etc. but you can always say, "I will move on. I will heal. I will forgive. I will be better." etc. Best of luck!
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