Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 don't you expect them to have sex with the other sex, one with the same body parts that they have???? And if they do is that cheating? Read on another site a married man, whose spouse knew he is Bi when they married in now a sexless marriage, who now wants to fool around with other males, and asking for advise. Of course I am the person who'd much rather lose my spouse to another woman than a man. Don't have the same equipment to compare too.:cool: Yes time for a fun thread.:rolleyes:
StoneCold Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 don't you expect them to have sex with the other sex, one with the same body parts that they have???? And if they do is that cheating? Sure.... If you can get labeled a cheater without poking/getting poked (EA)...... then why wouldnt this count too?
FrustrationSetsIn Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 A person is a person regardless of what sex they are. Hence yeah, it's still cheating. I had a girlfriend once make out with another girl and I was furious as hell. Why because she made out with another person, didn't matter the sex it was still another person. She didn't see it that way until I told her fine I'll go make out with another girl. She said "I wouldn't have a problem if you wanted to make out with another guy" I said to her "I'm not into guys, but I'll sure as hell make out with another girl, because that's the kind of person I want to make out with."
sadcalifornian Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 My XWW was bi. But, I don't think she ever cheated on me with another woman during our M. I knew she always had sexual attraction towards other same sex, but that does not mean she is bound to cheat with them. However, she eventually cheat with another man, which was kinda like exit affair in her mind.
Buck Turgidson Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 don't you expect them to have sex with the other sex Why would you expect that? If you marry a person who likes both blondes and brunettes, and you're a brunette, are you obligated to expect them to have sex with blondes? If you marry a person who likes introverts and extroverts, and you're an introvert, are you obligated to agree to let them **** extroverts as well? And if they do is that cheating?Of course. If you feel justified in expecting someone to avoid having sex with half the population, is it really such a leap to expect them to avoid the other 3.5 billion as well?
StoneCold Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 A person is a person regardless of what sex they are. Hence yeah, it's still cheating. I had a girlfriend once make out with another girl and I was furious as hell. Why because she made out with another person, didn't matter the sex it was still another person. She didn't see it that way until I told her fine I'll go make out with another girl. She said "I wouldn't have a problem if you wanted to make out with another guy" I said to her "I'm not into guys, but I'll sure as hell make out with another girl, because that's the kind of person I want to make out with." Dude you just killed your chance of having a threesome with two "lesbians"....thats everyman's dream! unless you've done that already
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 and the question. I can't as a male offer the same sex and/or body parts a woman can if my wife liked sex with both men and women. Simple as that. Of course I probably can't offer all the things another male can as another poster said (i.e. blond or brunette, tall/short, skinny/muscular, big chested/flat...). Point is the most important equipment is different..... To me that is a very clear distinction.
Buck Turgidson Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I guess I just don't understand the question. If you make a promise of fidelity to your partner, then an honorable person keeps that promise, regardless of your attractions to other people, and regardless of those other people's plumbing, or color, or size, or whatever. The man you're talking about, in a sexless marriage, who wants to have sex with men, has the option of renegotiating the terms of his marriage with regards to that kind of sexual activity. But until then, if he made a commitment to remain sexually monogamous, then he should stick to it. He certainly shouldn't just go do it and then lie about it later and cover it up. Yes, that's cheating. "Cheating" is the breaking of a promise. I don't think the definition includes a description of the nether regions of the partner in crime.
MissBee Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 don't you expect them to have sex with the other sex, one with the same body parts that they have???? And if they do is that cheating? Read on another site a married man, whose spouse knew he is Bi when they married in now a sexless marriage, who now wants to fool around with other males, and asking for advise. Of course I am the person who'd much rather lose my spouse to another woman than a man. Don't have the same equipment to compare too.:cool: Yes time for a fun thread.:rolleyes: No... it's not like being bi is some disease that means you have to have sex with someone of the opposite sex or you'll perish. You are attracted to both males and females but if you choose to marry, usually it means forsaking all others. Just like when I'm married, it's not like I'll stop thinking other men are attractive but I am not going to pursue emotional or physical relationships with them because I'm committed elsewhere. .. Monogamy or not is the issue...not your sexuality. So anyone in a monogamous gay or straight relationship is cheating if they are sleeping with someone from the same or opposite sex behind their spouse's back.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 If you marry someone Bi.... The question of "marriage" doesn't figure into the equation at all. If they see fit to tell you that they're bi, it is only a license in their minds for them to cheat in the future. So the variable is not "marriage", but rather, whether they disclose this little factor before you become (as close to 'exclusive' as such a person can get). Otherwise, there is exactly zero reason why they need to inform you of their bisexuality. Just get ready for: "... but I told you I was 'Bi'..." (which, logically, would be useless information otherwise...)
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 and the question. I can't as a male offer the same sex and/or body parts a woman can if my wife liked sex with both men and women. Simple as that. My wife can't offer the same body parts as Megan Fox, does that mean I am OK to go bang supermodels? So why do so many girls get upset at men who look at porn then, surely by your logic they should be thinking "oh I can't offer those same things so he should be free to get them elsewhere"? Cheating is cheating whether the other person is male or female. When you marry someone you accept them for what they are, and you accept that you are giving up everything they are not. Whether that is boob size, blonde/brunette or "equipment". You make a choice and a commitment. If you don't want to forsake all others then don't get freaking married.
Citizen Erased Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Sounds like an excuse to bang other people to me. When you're in an agreed monogamous relationship, you don't have sex with anyone but your partner (and yourself). If you want something more, should have thought of that when you said your vows. You don't screw other people. Is it really that hard for people to understand?
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Sounds like an excuse to bang other people to me. When you're in an agreed monogamous relationship, you don't have sex with anyone but your partner (and yourself). If you want something more, should have thought of that when you said your vows. You don't screw other people. Is it really that hard for people to understand? No..... Bang people of the other sex...... That is the premise. Is not sex with someone of the other sex completely different? Fine I get the semantics and the stoopid comparisons above (i.e. blonde/brunette, sleeping with Megan Fox), but that is not the OP. The thread I was referring to had the spouse in the sexless marriage contemplating sleeping with someone of the same sex (a male), which you are right is a rationalization to cheat (along with a sexless marriage).
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Is not sex with someone of the other sex completely different? No. I don't recall the marriage vows saying "forsaking all others of the oppopsite sex". It is forsaking all others. That means male and female.
xxoo Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I don't think being bi necessarily means that you NEED sex with both genders. I think it could mean you are attracted to both genders, and could have a satisfying sexual relationship with a person from either gender. When you choose a mate, you choose the one person you want to be with. If your sex life with that person is satisfying, then there is no need for another person.
xxoo Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 If they see fit to tell you that they're bi, it is only a license in their minds for them to cheat in the future. What about simply wanting to share your life story, and your true self, with your partner?
Buck Turgidson Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Otherwise, there is exactly zero reason why they need to inform you of their bisexuality. Except, perhaps, for the exceedingly minor issue of being married to them and sharing their life with that person.
Stung Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 The question of "marriage" doesn't figure into the equation at all. If they see fit to tell you that they're bi, it is only a license in their minds for them to cheat in the future. So the variable is not "marriage", but rather, whether they disclose this little factor before you become (as close to 'exclusive' as such a person can get). Otherwise, there is exactly zero reason why they need to inform you of their bisexuality. Just get ready for: "... but I told you I was 'Bi'..." (which, logically, would be useless information otherwise...) Wait, what? That's certainly one of the more bizarre things I've heard lately, which actually makes me wonder if I misread your point entirely somehow. When I told my now husband, then boyfriend, that I was bi and had dated and been intimate with women in the past it was because we were finding out about each other, learning about each other's histories and proclivities and philosophies. Why on earth would I hide something like that, as though it were shameful? Why would I keep him in the dark about a facet of my sexuality, when each of our sexualities was becoming the other's business? It was kind of an important revelation, along with our mutual disclosures about how we each felt about monogamy, what we considered infidelity, what we liked sexually, etc. I for one would never consider learning about a new facet of my husband to be "useless information," and I am glad he considers me and my life story to be similarly interesting on my own merit, whether there's much practical application or not. No..... Bang people of the other sex...... That is the premise. Is not sex with someone of the other sex completely different? Fine I get the semantics and the stoopid comparisons above (i.e. blonde/brunette, sleeping with Megan Fox), but that is not the OP. The thread I was referring to had the spouse in the sexless marriage contemplating sleeping with someone of the same sex (a male), which you are right is a rationalization to cheat (along with a sexless marriage). Sex with someone of the same sex is somewhat different, yes, of course. Different parts, different energies. But it's just about attraction, and acting on that attraction. I'm no more attracted to a woman I pass on the street than I would be to any given man. It sounds like the guy you're talking about was just looking for a license to cheat. It sucks that he's in a sexless marriage, but he should address that issue instead of confusing it with other issues. It really boils down to what structure each couple has agreed upon for their partnership. People come up with all kinds of different rules for their sex lives, and as long as everybody's honestly on the same page, everything runs smoothly. Some people incorporate threesomes or swinging or swaps or triads into their vision of their marriage, and as long as BOTH married people are happy with that I don't see a problem. In my own marriage, we both agree that going behind the other's back to be sexual or otherwise inappropriate with anyone, regardless of their bits, isn't kosher...so if I started getting handsy with another woman, yes, that would totally be cheating. I don't think being bi necessarily means that you NEED sex with both genders. I think it could mean you are attracted to both genders, and could have a satisfying sexual relationship with a person from either gender. When you choose a mate, you choose the one person you want to be with. If your sex life with that person is satisfying, then there is no need for another person. I suppose other people could come at this from different angles, but I do agree with this. I love my husband and I definitely don't feel like I NEED anybody else just because they have different parts than he does. Sometimes women get incorporated into my fantasies, but sometimes men do, too, and I am not so naive as to suppose that he never fantasizes about other people himself. Of course, I felt that I could be happy with just my husband, and I chose monogamy with him. If I had felt that I wasn't cut out for monogamy because I was such a raging bisexual or natural poly or whatever, I would not have settled down and married a man who believed strongly in monogamy--I would have carved a different partnership for myself, with non-monogamous parameters established. What about simply wanting to share your life story, and your true self, with your partner? Except, perhaps, for the exceedingly minor issue of being married to them and sharing their life with that person. Yes! Thank you!
findingnemo Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Wait, what? That's certainly one of the more bizarre things I've heard lately, which actually makes me wonder if I misread your point entirely somehow. When I told my now husband, then boyfriend, that I was bi and had dated and been intimate with women in the past it was because we were finding out about each other, learning about each other's histories and proclivities and philosophies. Why on earth would I hide something like that, as though it were shameful? Why would I keep him in the dark about a facet of my sexuality, when each of our sexualities was becoming the other's business? It was kind of an important revelation, along with our mutual disclosures about how we each felt about monogamy, what we considered infidelity, what we liked sexually, etc. I for one would never consider learning about a new facet of my husband to be "useless information," and I am glad he considers me and my life story to be similarly interesting on my own merit, whether there's much practical application or not. Sex with someone of the same sex is somewhat different, yes, of course. Different parts, different energies. But it's just about attraction, and acting on that attraction. I'm no more attracted to a woman I pass on the street than I would be to any given man. It sounds like the guy you're talking about was just looking for a license to cheat. It sucks that he's in a sexless marriage, but he should address that issue instead of confusing it with other issues. It really boils down to what structure each couple has agreed upon for their partnership. People come up with all kinds of different rules for their sex lives, and as long as everybody's honestly on the same page, everything runs smoothly. Some people incorporate threesomes or swinging or swaps or triads into their vision of their marriage, and as long as BOTH married people are happy with that I don't see a problem. In my own marriage, we both agree that going behind the other's back to be sexual or otherwise inappropriate with anyone, regardless of their bits, isn't kosher...so if I started getting handsy with another woman, yes, that would totally be cheating. Yes! Thank you! I agree. Very bizarre. I don't see what being married to a bi-sexual and being in a sexless M have to do with each other. Those are two mutually exclusive things. Unless this guy is saying that his W is cheating with OW. Otherwise the sexlessness has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Why would her being Bi factor in now anyway? he must looking for an excuse to cheat.
Citizen Erased Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 No..... Bang people of the other sex...... That is the premise. Is not sex with someone of the other sex completely different? Fine I get the semantics and the stoopid comparisons above (i.e. blonde/brunette, sleeping with Megan Fox), but that is not the OP. The thread I was referring to had the spouse in the sexless marriage contemplating sleeping with someone of the same sex (a male), which you are right is a rationalization to cheat (along with a sexless marriage). People are people. Sex is sex, no matter what fun bits they have in their underwear. It's not any different, it's still SEX. Get it?
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