Other women's phone numbers. A big deal?

[Tennis gal]

My bf of 4 years and I were at a party a few weeks back and I had his phone while he went to the men's room. He got a text from one of the married women in our party asking where he was and that we were ready to go. Turns out he had this woman's and one of the single women in our parties phone numbers stored in his phone. He and these women did not speak or even act like they knew each other all evening. I was not introduced and basically clueless. He says they are good friends of his best friends wife and that he has learned who they are from going out with that whole group to a bar a couple of times. He indicated his best friend introduced him to the single one to go out with when we were having some relationship problems last fall and that they never went out and he wasn't interested in her. Since then he says he has received only forward joke texts from them. He had no reason for acting like they were strangers when I was there. In all the time we've dated the only problems we've had were due to his flirting and in the summer I saw where he was visiting a dating site and some porn. The porn was not a bog deal but everything else bothers me. Would you believe him when he says nothing has been going on. We live 70 miles apart so we only see each other about 2 times per week. I don't want to seem over jealous or suspicious. Please advise. Thank you.

[oaks]

Him having female friends doesn't sound like a big deal, but why didn't you dump him when he went on to a dating site?

[KathyM]

My bf of 4 years and I were at a party a few weeks back and I had his phone while he went to the men's room. He got a text from one of the married women in our party asking where he was and that we were ready to go. Turns out he had this woman's and one of the single women in our parties phone numbers stored in his phone. He and these women did not speak or even act like they knew each other all evening. I was not introduced and basically clueless. He says they are good friends of his best friends wife and that he has learned who they are from going out with that whole group to a bar a couple of times. He indicated his best friend introduced him to the single one to go out with when we were having some relationship problems last fall and that they never went out and he wasn't interested in her. Since then he says he has received only forward joke texts from them. He had no reason for acting like they were strangers when I was there. In all the time we've dated the only problems we've had were due to his flirting and in the summer I saw where he was visiting a dating site and some porn. The porn was not a bog deal but everything else bothers me. Would you believe him when he says nothing has been going on. We live 70 miles apart so we only see each other about 2 times per week. I don't want to seem over jealous or suspicious. Please advise. Thank you.

It's a big red flag if he is going on a dating website. And it sounds like those women know that he is or was on shakey ground with you, especially since the one was going to date him when you were having problems with your bf, so it sounds like she is trying to keep her foot in the door. The married one is probably flirting as well. It's about time you set some boundaries with your bf for both of you to keep in order to protect your relationship. There are a lot of vultures out there who like to hover around waiting for the opportunity to move in on your guy. You and he needs to give them the message that there is no interest. You do that by setting boundaries. He should not be texting or Emailing them. He should ignore their texts, calls and Emails. He ignored them at the party in order for you not to feel uncomfortable. They are waiting in the wings, though, so I suggest you set the boundaries, and see that they are respected.