Flattened.

[Mcnulty]

Ended it in the Summer - she has a difficult child and she wasn't keen on having me up at her house because of this. She talked me round saying things would change. I've been there for her listening to her strifes as her dad died, her ex is a nutter and her child is very challenging.

 

As Summer wore on, nothing really changed, managed a meet twice a week for maybe an hour or so. I became increasingly disheartened, she said she was frustrated sexually, actually the last time we met, 3 weeks ago she demanded we go back to mine to do said thing, i refused, because as I said, i was disheartened by the direction or lack of we were going in. 2 and a half weeks ago, the texts just stopped dead, I being stubborn and hurt by things didn't text her, she didn't either.

 

Tonight...phone call off my mother, she...who had a great dislike for facebook...but still had an account has changed her status to "in a relationship"...with a friend of mine!!

 

Can't take it all in at the mo...am numb, feel betrayed, angry and a mug. i checked Facebook...she has disappeared off it and lo and behold, my "friend" has de friended me!

 

What do I do, think, feel?...I don't know anymore, I'm devastated if i'm honest. She befriended my "mate" in the summer when he came to look at a boat she was selling...did it start with them then? Was she playing us both?

 

Many thanks for taking time to read this ramble, need to get it out.

[geegirl]

Ended it in the Summer - she has a difficult child and she wasn't keen on having me up at her house because of this. She talked me round saying things would change. I've been there for her listening to her strifes as her dad died, her ex is a nutter and her child is very challenging.

 

As Summer wore on, nothing really changed, managed a meet twice a week for maybe an hour or so. I became increasingly disheartened, she said she was frustrated sexually, actually the last time we met, 3 weeks ago she demanded we go back to mine to do said thing, i refused, because as I said, i was disheartened by the direction or lack of we were going in. 2 and a half weeks ago, the texts just stopped dead, I being stubborn and hurt by things didn't text her, she didn't either.

 

Tonight...phone call off my mother, she...who had a great dislike for facebook...but still had an account has changed her status to "in a relationship"...with a friend of mine!!

 

Can't take it all in at the mo...am numb, feel betrayed, angry and a mug. i checked Facebook...she has disappeared off it and lo and behold, my "friend" has de friended me!

 

What do I do, think, feel?...I don't know anymore, I'm devastated if i'm honest. She befriended my "mate" in the summer when he came to look at a boat she was selling...did it start with them then? Was she playing us both?

 

Many thanks for taking time to read this ramble, need to get it out.

 

Ouch. That was painful to read. It's not enough you had to endure the pain of the ex leaving but then had to find out that your friend betrayed you.

 

I'm sorry. I know it hurts but at least you can shut the door now and move on. Good for you for placing boundaries and sticking by them and not allowing yourself to be manipulated. In time you'll see you dodged a bullet but for now, I hope time helps you heal and that you start to feel better soon.

[Mcnulty]

Thanks for the reply Gee, it doesn't feel like i've dodged a bullet.

 

She has blocked me on Facebook and he has de friended me...I feel like a mug. Was there for her for the last year and a half and she didn't have the decency to tell me to my face.

 

I haven't even looked or thought about other women in these last few weeks. It feels like I didn't really know her at all...she always claimed undying love and marriage to me and now this...I will never ever understand it...or women, no offence.

[kittenkit]

That sucks - I hate the relationship status thing in Facebook - why make such a thing so public? It only makes it all the more difficult when you have to change it.

It sounds sort of similar to my break up. He kept me at a distance whenever he had family problems because he didn't want his kid or mental ex to ruin our relationship. So instead we hardly spent any time together. Great logic that was!!!

I wish I had something inspiring to say. But everything I can think of will just sound hollow. I think you know that it'll be ok, you deserve better etc etc.

Be nice to yourself for a while. I'd ignore the pair of them and say b#$*ocks to your "friend".

[geegirl]

She has blocked me on Facebook and he has de friended me...I feel like a mug. Was there for her for the last year and a half and she didn't have the decency to tell me to my face.

 

...she always claimed undying love and marriage to me and now this...I will never ever understand it...or women, no offence.

 

And that is why you dodged a bullet. A woman that is a coward. And was probably cheating outside of the R. A friend who is also a coward. Both lacking integrity and loyalty. You shouldn't feel like a mug. If anything, it's these two that are despicable.

 

Of course she has to block you and of course he has to defriend you. Guilt will send you into hiding.

 

I know this is hard. But in time you will see them for who they are. And trust me, neither one has a prize on their hands. Certainly deserving of each other.

Edited October 27, 2011 by geegirl

[Deano8888]

that sucks! I know just how it feels to give it all for someone and do everything you can and for them just to turn round and drop you like a child bored with a toy.

 

I personally think she was using you, but you did the right thing of standing your ground and having respect for yourself. I think you should hold your head high.

 

And that relationship status thing on FB does suck, i've had problems there too and my ex block me like yours. Its nasty ent it.

 

She will most likely do the same thing to your 'friend' to.

[Mcnulty]

Really appreciate the words guys, thankyou.

 

Spent all night thinking, going over everything, got a little sleep. Just got up and have been crying....first time since NC. My friend did a little digging and he changed his relationship status 4 days ago, her, yesterday, so it took her, "officially" 2 weeks total, to start a new relationship and announce it as a couple to the world on something she looked down on as cheap...facebook.

 

I feel sick, haven't can't eat. I just can't even get a thought in my head re. a possible new relationship and there she is, "the pure, whiter than white" woman i thought I knew inside out, jumping in all guns blazing within 2 weeks......I feel it didn't start 2 weeks ago...long before that I think, so I've also been cheated on.

 

I won't get the truth. I won't try to get it, I feel so embarrassed and lost and alone.

[geegirl]

I'm sorry M.

 

The betrayal is hard to come to terms with. I know when I found out my ex was cheating on a woman I knew, even when it was after the break up, I felt so small, so used and so betrayed. I felt embarassed that I was manipulated that way. These are normal feelings, and while we'd rather not feel them, it's a process that we need to go through to get to the other side. Granted I caught him having sex with another woman was painful enough, but knowing that he was seeing this other woman right under my nose was so painful and humiliating.

 

It's going to take time for your head and heart to wrap itself around all that happened. There's no easy way to deal with this but to go through it. Post here and vent to friends and purge your feelings. Lean on your family. It will help you get through. Cry and let it out.

 

You won't get the truth and you know that so that will keep you on NC. That's a start. It took me about a week to finally eat something. After I ate, I wanted to wash my hair. After I washed my hair, I wanted to get out of my pajamas. After getting out of my pajamas, I wanted to go for a walk. Small steps. One hour at a time, one day at a time. Give yoruself a few days of grieving and feeling your pain. But don't stay there too long. You must will yourself to function by taking little steps. Little by little you will get there.

 

It's the honeymoon period for these two. Every dog will have it's day. Trust me.

[Mcnulty]

Geegirl, how long did it take to get over the betrayal? Have you moved on? I hope you have.

 

I know, baby steps, I'm grieving to the hilt, feel so weak inside and tired today. Are relationships worth all this pain? I know I was no saint and i should have talked to her more...i pushed her away, as I felt undervalued.

 

It just seems like there's a higher power dictating things this time, like this is how it's meant to be and I know I'm gonna be hurting for a good while.

 

I keep thinking about the things they're doing tohether and it's killing me...feel there is no respite and I have to go through this, it's scaring me.

 

One day at a time...I hear you Gee. Thankyou.

[geegirl]

Geegirl, how long did it take to get over the betrayal? Have you moved on? I hope you have.

 

I know, baby steps, I'm grieving to the hilt, feel so weak inside and tired today. Are relationships worth all this pain? I know I was no saint and i should have talked to her more...i pushed her away, as I felt undervalued.

 

It just seems like there's a higher power dictating things this time, like this is how it's meant to be and I know I'm gonna be hurting for a good while.

 

I keep thinking about the things they're doing tohether and it's killing me...feel there is no respite and I have to go through this, it's scaring me.

 

One day at a time...I hear you Gee. Thankyou.

 

It took me a few months. I went through the same things. Wondering who she was. What they were doing. What he's cooking for her. What were they doing on a Saturday night while I was home sobbing. Imagining how he was looking at her. Imagining them sleeping together. Was she prettier than me. It robbed me of everything. I was a wreck.

 

I went to therapy and cried and cried at every session. Crying in the grocery store. Crying at church. Crying in the shower. Crying in my sleep. I was so destroyed by the betrayal.

 

But slowly, when my heart was detaching, my brain was taking over and the reality of the betrayal and the type of person he was to do that to me, was setting in. And I remember at a therapy session once, I was laughing and making jokes about everything except him and she said, "Where are the tears? You haven't talked about him once." And I froze and I realized I was getting over it. Granted he came in my thoughts here and there but nothing that hurt me anymore. I didn't even care who he was with. All I knew is that I didn't want to be with someone who was a cheater. And the thought of him being a cheater repulsed me.

 

You will get there M. I promise you. It's one thing to go through the pain of a break up but it's a beast to get over cheating and betrayal. But you will get there.

[Mcnulty]

Gee, you're an absolute star you know. Well done to you, you got there in the end and your post has helped.

 

Months, you say? Can't take this for months, really cant. It was 8 years of being really close in every way, lost my safety net, my comfort blanket, my smiles, breaks my heart it does, but your words are inspiring, pleased you're here.

 

It's hard knowing it's gonna be day after day after day and there will be no clarity no contact, just me getting on keeping on until i get where you're at...makes me very sad.